Love isn't a feeling.
It's like a muscle, getting stronger the more effort you put into it
Flowers on special occasions are just empty calories
Because the protein of love is being vulnerable
Cannot grow without this
When you left I tried so hard to stop loving you
But even bodybuilders know; you don't just lose muscle mass
It atrophies the more you neglect it
Got weaker the more you pushed me away
And though I've been building myself up
The stretch marks of us will always stay with me
To remind me of how mighty we once were
A cautionary tale they don't write songs about

It was a metal door
Noisy and heavy
Behind it was off-limits to us, though children never listen
More than a garden and some sprinklers made of plastic bottles
It was where we could exist in whatever world we created
No one's rules but our own
Core memories created under the shade of a lemon tree
They didn't tell me that the older I got, the less magical this place would feel
Now I stand here a decade later
And in the harsh light of reality, it just looks like a closed door
The paint is chipped and starting to rust from the rain
And though it doesn't feel as heavy now, I dare not open it
I would rather it stay exactly as we left it
So that my jar of marbles and Grandfather's stories can lay to rest
Adulthood is full of doors, and you never know what's inside them
At least I know my childhood will forever be safe
Protected by this metal door and the guardian who stands beside it

When I wake up I see my reflection on my phone screen
'Your squinty eyes are cute'
I wash my face and look up at the mirror
'Your skincare routine is paying off'
Catch a glimpse of myself from a storefront window
'Your sense of style keeps getting better and better'
I post a picture of myself
'You look happier'
Some days I don't mean the things I say to myself
Kind words don't come easily when you don't believe them
But just as flowers cannot bloom in hostile environments
Self-hate only makes my tea taste bitter
I will grit my teeth and call myself handsome
And as I roll my eyes at the silliness, I will feel my face blush
Maybe tomorrow I'll get dressed up
And when I compliment my reflection, maybe I will mean it

After our first fight, I was so sure that it was our end
Grieved us with bitter poetry and chocolate
But to my surprise, you came back
Promised to stay as long as I made you feel needed
Desperate, I made sure to tell you every day that I chose you
When you missed me
'I choose you'
When it felt like the world was against us
'I choose you'
When you had doubt
'I choose you'
When you fell out of love
'I choose you'
When you stopped choosing me
'I choose you'
Because I let go of everything for you
This is all I have left

When I looked at you, I didn't see a person
I saw blueprints for a castle
Strong, proud, and surrounded by sunshine
The more I fell for you the faster I built
Placing bricks with eyes closed out of fear that if I opened them you wouldn't look like my plans anymore
I worked until I had nothing left but delusion and ****** fingers
And when I finally took a step inside, I fell through the floor
You forgot to place the foundation, and my future collapsed
Homes cannot be built inside people
And dreams cannot be built upon clouds

The hands of the universe created the sun and the moon
These hands also created war and pain for good things and bad are a package deal
And after centuries, turning blank canvases into complete beings  started to feel more like an assembly line
That was until it discovered you
Sitting on a shelf with power behind your eyes
You were crafted with the same tools that created flowers and rainbows
Any imperfections were carefully sculpted, adding to your beautiful composition
Those who shine not as bright will resent you for this
But remember that colors were invented to brighten our world and you were invented to brighten mine

You asked what I wanted for my birthday
And though I loved the sweater, I really just wanted some time with you  
Don’t drag me to dinner, but please schedule an apocalypse so that we can be alone at last
Where phones don’t have service and duty doesn’t call until tomorrow
I want us to share the contents of our minds, not crumpled bed sheets
All I ask is for you to pluck out the numbers on your clocks and place them in my hands
With a kiss on the forehead and maybe some tea