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JustHayy Jan 2
His eyes were deep like wooden Forrests but he didn’t realize that those evergreens are the closest thing to a sheltered home for the wolves that run through them.  just singing to the moon, the only one who has ever heard them and felt their pain. And shown them light through the darkest and coldest winters. Guiding them through the changing seasons. The only one who saw through their wild demeanor, and understood the law and order, and Security the wolf pack had come to call structure was just an illusion of protection created with in the shade to keep them covered from the eyes of the unknown beings that cast them away or hunt them. Just as the moon had heard them cry again they met him. With the snap of branch and rustle from the brush the saw him for who he truly was. He wasn’t one of them. half wolf half man.  He had walked amongst the humans but he was misunderstood by judging eyes and too felt at home feeling his soul share secrets with the creatures and the land. Taking in the crisp pine air in with every breath he hadn’t realized he’d been hold in so many years. But when he howled, even the sun couldn’t help but come out of hiding giving the wolves and the moon time to take a rest.
JustHayy Dec 2021
You used to be every breath
Deep inside of me
You’re now reason for the ash tray
Overflowing on my bed side table
JustHayy Oct 2021
I will add you to the list
names I’ve carved into my skins
The names I’ve crossed out
I traced yours to add to the collection
Knowing I’d never have the chance to inscribe it before I was gone.  had I waited for it to be signed to me. You were the epilogue. Wrapped up a few loose ends while I hoped and prepared for hints of a sequel.
I knew I liked the way it ended better than the way the story started. The contents were gruesome bland and disappointing. I wasn’t even sure why I kept turning the pages. Looking for more but not hopeful to find it. And I’m not sure if it’s because all the others were never you. Or if it’s because I knew yours would be the last and I’d never survive it. It’s like you were the sentence and I couldn’t find words to write it
Whatever the reason I put you there knowing you never wanted to be accepted. Knowing you didn’t even know I existed. The first time I saw you your eyes looked like home. Never Feeling home this had to be the closest. guess for you I didn’t mind to love and to die never knowing the warmth of real belonging. I stare at the stares and make wasted wishes knowing you’d never look up at the same time as me. It’s sad really but the kind of sad that makes you feel stillness and stagnant. And isn’t it weird how the stillness is so silent that it screams all the lines of all the pages you hated to create them. Like a record reminding you exactly how many times you weren’t enough. And how many times you would never amount to anything. It’s black and white and you’ll never see it brought to color. I knew I set myself up and the fault belongs to me. I told you I adored you more than you realized. I gave you a chunk of not only my worldly flesh but of my soul knowing you could want it nor could you keep it. I couldn’t have it because with out you It wouldn’t keep beating . I ripped it out and dropped it in you ice cold hands and wanted nothing from you in return. I said nothing and I ran. I found my place of safety in secret.
I rolled up my sleeve whispered your name as I retraced. it looked so beautiful in blood red I almost wanted to wait in the moment just to save it. Taste one last flavor of hope before i crossed  off and erased it. I made sure to reach  deep into the bones engraving you there so when there nothing left of me, but rot and decay, death herself can still read your name. And I was only hoping you’d know that I was willing to have you in nothing more than breaks and bruises and stitched shut scar tissue. maybe you’d be able to see just a glimpse of how I see you. I hoped it would help you see that even if my love could only be buried 6 feet I would take it. I would dig it straight to the underworld. Burning as I faced all my demons. somewhere somehow someone knew you should have a plot next to right next to mine. And I may never no the reason. And if no one ever visits. I wouldn’t really mind. I would wait patiently for you in the after. I had no guarantee for you to show up the choice was never mine it was; just like me; always yours to do with as you please, but if you never find a better place in your life. Ill keep one open for you, in case you decide if you want to meet up where the spirits meet the bones just past the borderline of the passing seasons. When you stop at the cross roads take a left  and then a right. Go all down the stair way it’s a pretty steep flight. Isle thirteen row seven I think that’s your favorite.  If you kid me at all walk just a few places. Find the set of stones marked “two lost souls that only death could bring together.”

It’s not meant for this world but is the a chance in another?
JustHayy Oct 2021
Maybe She was only three or six or eight somewhere in between. tell your version, vindicate it She was more grown up and hard to deal with. She was at least thirteen and hard to keep in. Rewind the film then repeat it. Talk of how she was a little princess you were devout devoted. You built her strong hold on your own. Worked until your hands were bruised and bleeding. You constructed her an entire kingdom. But didn’t make the time to upkeep it. Maybe when She was seventeen a mom to be. But still in need of life lesson plans, a little guidance on what she was seeking, leaving the nest she just wanted teaching on how to make a haven her daughters could feel safe in.
Your intentions were deceiving. You held the blueprints that she needed. And your bitterness or pride made you hold that deep inside. No warning sign no goodbye. Not a word or a single sign. Abandonment without closure. left them all behind.  Tell me why? Give me a reason?

my threshold fell crashed around me. Shook the ground and the whole earth felt the reverberations. Consequence for choices I didn’t get a chance to choose myself.  Every crease and cave and canyon could feel the anguish. The only exception being her father he was blind to loving. And opposed emotion. Loathed the thought of being open, he’d rather leave then give an explanation. Turn a blind eye shut the blinds and close the door tight.
every time you’d go the echoes screamed and cried give me a reason. How could you leave me. I just needed something to believe in
That something was some what of a hoax
Turns out dads are actually ghost. They haunt you with their silence.

It’s My turn to wear that invisible cloak raging wars running down the hallways Ripping the pictures off the wall frames. Breaking windows till the breath runs out of me can you feel the breeze screaming through the curtains and crevices of this so called homestead.

I’m there to haunt you. You couldn’t give a reason. Let you reminisce and regret all the photographs and reruns you dented and depleted.  I set them on fire as I poured the gasoline around me and everything else I wasn’t supposed to be. A lonely witch disguised as princess day dreams. Bound by the lies the outside couldn’t see. It was a lot more like a nightmare to me. What’s the reason? Now everything that once was. Is nothing more than ashes and tar black *******.

Now I close my eyes lusterless as I rest in the undercoft of holy weakness. Dry bones draped in graceful garnments pearls and pleating. Now you can fall to your knees. Asking what’s the reason with every passing of the season. when the night air is as cold as my being. tears dropping crash down like your freezing flakes of treason. Your betrayal was arbitrary but I still believed it. I was so much more than my destiny by design. but I was bleeding from a battle that had no meaning. I was cursed before I was breathing. I couldn’t live while I was grieving.
Doomed until I befriended all my demons.   Conjured and crafted a sanctuary in all the darkness.
Extracted from the ribs of a fortress once defeated. I sang life into my corpse. crowned myself queen of my own curse. I used the chains that were meant to hold me to connect all my reasons. I use them as the leashes for my guard dogs to my keep my creations safe in.
A place some call my imagination. But in all actuality it’s a place of authenticity. A home that my princesses are safe and sound, not caged in a castle but free to roam and dance around. They know their magic, and they can control it. They are creators, and confident in their own skin. Mamas proud and they always know it. I took my own life to give them a chance to live in an existence they could feel complete and whole in. A life that they don’t need nor notice any vacancies. Here we don’t have a use for any unwanted unnecessary ghosts.
JustHayy Oct 2021
I’m just a ghost
Waging wars of rage
Running through hallways

Impulsively picking
At the paper And the plaster

Fractured and fragmented

Just like your wall frames

Broken and battered

Just like the empty promises

Can you hear me yet? Can you feel the screaming?

Carrying through the curtains and crevices
Uncovering truths, and unspoken emotions

They say old houses can be coarse and creaky
Regrets and memories are raspy and rusty

You’re a hostage at home now.
However, I am the haunting.
JustHayy Oct 2021
outsider useless concerns
prevent anything from feeling
his fiery venom
exchanges between souls
i am merely human
but his analytical mind
further plants passionate desire
deep within the marrow of my bones
the path blackened methods
ink sewn habits embroidered
at the cross of the roads

would you agree to such an offer
destruction of every rule.
or would rather stay stagnant
denying your own longing
dark veiled reality is already yours
what good is immortality
watching your only warmth aging cold
as the embers are invincible
not weathering certain storms
as the reaper is drawing nearer
he urges what it is you choose
run from the ones pointing fingers
or leave me lifeless draped from the noose
JustHayy Jan 2021
With every kiss pressed against my neck
It’s as if you’re stealing the air out of my lungs
Or maybe if passion had enough power
You’re breathing life back into my empty bones.
There’s something so innocent and so dark, I just want to taste a little bit more.
See how long I can hold my breath
Before I’m suffocating underneath you.
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