I’m not my profile picture
I’m here for you but never there
A lot has changed, afraid it's true
I’m not the person that you once knew
I look in the mirror, a stranger stares back
Unkempt and stressed from blessings I missed
Lackluster eyes unfocused, broken
Hope when I sleep to never awake
Carry me off to where I was made
I am not my ugliest photo
Nor am I anyone's best guess
I have made my prison given words to impress
You take them please let me leave from these cages
Instagram gone away I’ll never come back
Last chance to chat snaps mask on for laughs back
Fall asleep like a creep with my face in your book
It took me too long to admit it, I’m missing everything
Trying to see everything on a cracked screen
Time killing to avoid how I feel
Vanities streaming, screaming believe me!
I see nothing new
I feel nothing real

I must admit, my ego gets the best of me
More often than I care to tell
I dwell on things I can't control
Fall along with crowds I can’t escape
I hate this
Paperless prose I’ve found
Isolation made me strange perhaps
If I leave now will these walls fall down?
I beat myself up , she belittles me while
I gave her my heart I have nothing now

I might just disappear
Hollow Man
Abracadabra Deborah
We're gone
Sad songs drown me
Memories I allow
This is lost & found
Not show and tell
Lessons learnt me
Texts still hurt left unsent
I fell asleep and failed to call
In the morning I learned she left
And never ever coming back

I’m less reckless than I once was
I love this messy house
My couch is broken
But it still reclines
I find at times my mood declines &
I write
Blood on the walls from last night's fist fight
God bless my opposition Jesus knows they need him
Don’t think I’m being conceited
Truth is I hate me more than you ever could, believe this  -
Clueless people complain I make them nervous
But I can't explain how much it hurts to know you're worthless
Still I try &
Write
My life is a casket I purchased from Costco  (cheap)
I laugh out loud til my sides hurt and also
fall asleep on backroads - alone at the wheel
just to feel something other then sorry

Listen, I'm trying to see things positive and even though my Optometrist seems optimistic, I'm just not convinced -

No work this morning, just me, my coffee and a little bit of music while Hope is in the other room still snoring
Late nights with my daughter make the days pain worthwhile I'll see
Finally found me kind of free from my own mind of constant grief
I was born optimistic now I miss that feeling that I could be
Anyone or anything
Mr. Make-it-work-for-now has a lot to learn
He just works to earn and eat
But not today -

..and then it hit me like she used to do
We cant go back if we wanted to
Never lived worthwhile
Never knew we'd do --
Nothing much
Relax
Til were old enough
With a patch of grass
Pitch a tent and lie
With a handful of **** the pain
Wash down these pills with a gallon of rye