And then he didn't come back

The summers passed, autumns faded, winters roared, and springs bloomed but he's nowhere to be seen.

As she made her way to the shore, she felt the gentle breeze and the embrace of the waves and as she looked up; she saw the moon alone in the vast nothingness of the sky with no star to keep her company.

She remembered him, thinking that maybe the stars are gone for the moon is too broken and is not as illuminated as it was the first time.

Then she remembered the first time he laid eyes on her. His eyes shone so bright, held much admiration in his gaze that she couldn't understand for she is nothing sort of a goddess the moon had blessed.

None of her poems caught the light and the life in his eyes when they first met: of how it looked silver and storm that reflects his turbulent emotions, of how his eyes reached the depths of her soul with his gaze, of how he saw her as his moon.

None of them could ever describe how his eyes demand to be stared at. None of them.

But then, he was a fleeting light like a poem you will only read once for it is blindingly painful that it hurts looking the second time.

And now, she feels a part of her is missing as she search for the stars up above.

And then she fixed her gaze, closing her eyes to the moon: wishing that when he said "It's because of you." He doesn't mean goodbye. Wishing he doesn't mean she's the reason why he's gone. Wishing that dreams aren't supposed to be just dreams for when they become reality, they take away the magical feeling.

A few tears escaped her closed lids and glistened as they bathe on the light of the moon as she thought of the last poem she'll ever write to him.

And then she finally whispered hoping the wind will bring it to him:

" And maybe,
   paintings and poetry
   couldn't hold a candle
   To every emotion
   we once had.

    hold a key
    when we
    first met.

    I should've known
    that that key
    is not for me

    For I
    was never
    your home. "
Entry # 2 To the Book I Will Never Write
Love isn't blind,
blind are those,
who never loved.
Jewel Vanilli Sep 10
The sun has finally set but the moon is nowhere to be seen. The smell of the sea reaches his nostrils as he walks by the bay feeling the soft caress of the wind while relishing his dreams---so lucid--- he thought it was real.

The soft waves of the sea touches his feet and as he looked down, he remembered how he was also looking down at his feet in his dreams before he saw the lady that haunted his night.

Then again, 'It's only a dream', he thought.

But, as he moves his glance up, a lady of ethereal beauty occupied his gaze, taking his breath away, making his heart skip a beat.

Her eyes, he thought, are the mixture of the ocean and ligthning as they blend their colors.

Her soft eyes with a touch of danger was the very hue that haunted his every thought.

None of his paintings of her caught the life in her eyes.

And as he walk towards her, still captivated by her eyes, he finally came to realize why he always felt a pull and a need to go to the sea; to this sea.

The missing piece in his life has finally been found, knowing that the sole purpose of his life continues, more than anything,
"It's because of you."
He uttered as he sensed a forebonding,
feeling like he has finally come home.
Entry # 1 To the Book I Will Never Write
  Aug 4 Jewel Vanilli
Holly M
tonight i am
a tourist
in your bedroom
my party dress
is like hawaiian shirts and khakis
compared to the t-shirts and jeans
littering your carpet
like fallen brown leaves
during autumn
i sit on your duvet
because you said
wait here-
i’ll be back in a minute
but it’s been ten
so my eyes wander
like a wayward wren
your books are not mine
there’s no poetry
there are pictures of memories
on your wall
none of them me
after tonight, that’s all i’ll be-
a note is on your board:
i love you
was it her?
it’s hard to see
oh wait, it was me
it’s bent and folded
like my insides
the writing is fading
like the makeup on my face
what’s taking you so long?
maybe you didn’t want me
and all this time i was wrong
and you’re hiding in the bathroom
waiting for me to take the hint
and leave
of course that’s it
i can’t believe
i thought you
actually wanted me
i’m so silly
of course
i do not belong here
my purse looks wrong
laying next to your guitar
but i can fix that quick
i will simply
thank you
for the ride
nurse my wounded pride
then i’ll be gone
and you will forget me
before long
so i get up
and the door opens
and you’re there
and you smile
and you touch my shoulder
and you say
i’m sorry
i took so long
i wanted to find
the perfect record
with the perfect song
you know that one
about a sunset in waterloo?
it always reminds me of you
but i’m here now
and i’m so silly
this whole night
is a mess
like my lipstick
on your lips
oh this anxiety i detest
your clothes are funny
compared to my dress
your books are not mine
besides the one on the end
(my brilliant friend)
the memories on the wall
are not of me
but they could be
i do not belong here
that is for sure
but then again-
all these things
were chosen by you
and i was too
so maybe i do belong
after all
  Aug 4 Jewel Vanilli
I was somewhere
in Tennessee,
a much younger me,
it was there I didn’t hear
someone trying to say
I love you, please don’t leave me here,
but I was packing for a journey
in great haste, as always,
never having time to spare,
leaving behind me
all the weight I could not carry,
I was on my way, you see,
drums and trumpets calling,
my world was thunder
and lightning, my eyes fixed
on a far off place, but my progress
has been discouraging of late,
my backpack heavy with regrets,
perhaps I should turn back,
not the clock, too late for that,
I think I know the way,
and if not, well, time will tell,
maybe the stars will help,
or the river, a stone may
have someting to say to me,
hopefully, I’ll hear that voice
again and will not tarry,
now that I know what it is
that I should leave behind here
in this god forsaken place,
and what it was like back then
and there from which I never
should have ever strayed
or stayed away for so long a time,
I can’t even remember
the sorrow I left on her face.
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