Some people use you, and abuse you. They say they have your back when you need something, but they ditch you at the very moment for someone else.
They lie to you, and they're bad for you but in the end karma catches up to all even me. Although I hope the best for them it still hurts deep.
There's no happy ending if you don't forgive. I forgive them as much as it hurts.
I'm letting go of the pain, and all the lies, and poison inside.

I want to go for a long drive
and never come back......

Love is a paradox,
it has essence,
character,
and a voice.

The gardens have bloomed. My thoughts are clear. My mind is clean, and my heart has heard the sounds of joy.

It has felt the warmth of joy. The joy that breezes across a person who has been loved so sweetly that I can see it in their eyes. 

I can feel it as I look at them, and I'm thankful for that.

The joy I feel, I hope you have envisioned your own joy in a universe that can be so lost and contradictory.

I have found the joy that makes mu soul glow bright. It has enlightened my eyes so clear.

My mind has opened to possibilities. I don't just see the possibilities but I have traced my finger across the joy of them.

That's a joy that stays inside. The kind of joy that doesn't fade, it's always there.

What is your joy? Have you found it or is just there? Maybe you have been looking in the wrong places and it's right there.

Waiting for the right time or place to have it.

The best thing about joy is that you are allowed to have it even when you're in pain.

I guess in this world
I never knew what my triggers
were. I have two main triggers and that's you and my mom.

I guess you're a trigger to me because you remind me of my mom. But you're a guy an you remind me of my mom. I'm a girl and you're a guy.

I know you never liked me that way and you won't and that's okay. I came to terms about that long ago.

It's just that every time I go to date or think about someone else. I feel like I'm cheating on you and it's nonsensical of my mind.

You're in my daily life but you're gone. An I'm not in your daily life an I'm far from your conscious and subconscious.

There's people that want me and love me. An I want the one person who doesn't even remember me in any form.

We were nothing, I'm nothing to you. An yet here you are haunting my very own thoughts.

You can no longer be in my very own thoughts. You don't belong here stuck in my mind or anything.

I am emotionally disconnected from you. Our souls have returned to our own bodies. We are done and I am a nun.

When I reach for you the very essence of your soul touches my soul.

There is a peace and energy that I can't describe. Deeper I go into your soul, and it's like a journey.

A journey that takes you into walls of lights, the journey I never want to end. Your soul is without darkness that brings warmth to other souls.

It shines the very breath of life. Breathing in, breathing out.

The soul I want to hold forevermore, but I cannot. For it is a traveling soul to enjoy when it is there.

Not to hold on to, but to be free where no one else has seen the joy your soul contains.

So be free traveling soul!!!!

I was so angry.
My anger an rage could fill the whole universe. What was I so angry about? I can't change the past, but I can change from reacting to responding.

My anger could peel oil paint off the walls. My anger could make the whole room silent. My anger made people disappear from my life.

Some how I need to let go so I can succeed mentally.
I can change myself, from the inward to out ward. I was always trying to control the outcome of how people viewed me or how they didn't do something.

I have no control over all that an yet when it didn't happen that way or it didn't go at all I was disappointed an that turned into anger.

sadly I had no recollection of how this would affect my relationships, my soul, my career, the way I viewed things, the way I viewed people including myself, an life in general.

Anger was my way of defending in a world who seemed not to care, who could not defend me.

Anger was a tool for me to avoid pain, hurt, an sometimes the anger turned to numbness an I couldn't feel anything.

It's time to let go of the pain of the past an sometimes you don't know where to begin