Its better dead than to be,alive
Wondering,
When will this pain end
And peace will arrive

And did I tell you
about how the
sunflowers
you painted on my skin
crave for you
every morning
yet the winter
never ends.

Where are you, my sunshine?

We're almost touching.
we were walking side by side,
you're talking about cabs in your hometown.
I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling my fingers
whispering "it's alright."

We're touching but not quite.
you held my shoulder to protect me from the passing cars.
and for the first time in a long while, I felt so fragile.
In this world where I find it hard even to breathe,
you believed me.

I almost said it.
All I need is one ounce of strength to tell you every single thing that I have ever felt about you.

I want to find home in your collarbones.
Would you be kind enough to let a stranger in?
I want to seep in your being because I'm cold.
The world is harsh and my cracks are aching.

Almost.

burnt cigarettes and tear soaked lashes-

the only way i know how to feel close to you anymore

i am sick of writing about you all the time.
my thoughts of you and the words that i write are intertwined,
and trying to unravel your ghost from my memories feels nearly impossible.

you are tattooed on my heart,
and with each thump a new line is generated-

thump
the heartbreak you have left me in feels like a maze i cannot find my way out of

thump
do you still find me as beautiful as you once did?

thump
i know that in my eyes you have never lost your charm

but i am sick of writing about you all the time.
because i am sick of feeling like this.
feeling like the entirety of my existence is so fragile,
depending on you to make me feel as if it is actually worth something,
depending on you to continue to reciprocate the feelings i have shared with you
even though deep inside i know that you are tired too.
tired of the see-saw like motions of our relationship...
even though, in our ups we felt like the king & queen of the world,
in our downs you no longer saw the point;
no longer see the point in trying to mend something you claim to be eternally broken.

am i sick for still trying?
why do i still allow myself to break my own heart over you?
is it because i still see potential where you see debris?

our love went up in flames,
and i think that we both tried to save as much of ourselves as we could from the fire...
save so much of ourselves
that we forgot about each other.

i stayed up all night
waiting for a text from you.
sunlight knocked on my bedroom window,
but i just shut it out once again...
i refuse to let anything other than u in

you know, i could never fall asleep properly until i heard from you...
so i guess you could say i haven’t gotten much sleep these past few months.
i have been staring at my ceiling for so long,
trying to picture us together again,
that i’ve nearly forgotten what the rest of the world looks like.

i never thought the day would come where my longing for you would bring me nothing but misery,
but here i am,
staring at my ceiling,
the sunlight is starting to creep in on me...
so i guess it’s time for me to close my blinds again.