i pricked my tongue on the lies i tell,
ignore the blood that trickles from my lips,
if i say pretty words will you believe me?

the thorns twist and coil around my tonsils,
blood seeps now painting my lips red,
are my words pretty enough to believe?

roots have made there way down my throat,
everything is coated in my blood,
my words used to be pretty.

do remember how this started,
a single rose that i swallowed for you,
i believed your pretty words.

i thought it could last longer,
worn and tattered your purpose is flawed,
what to do with something of no use,
why do i keep your threads,
you no longer smell of fresh linen,
i'll cast you aside to a pointless existence,
no one will ever pay you any mind.

A girl carved from pain and sculpted by trust,
She carries men on her shoulders,
Strong through christ and sure in her faith,
But a girl can't stay a girl forever so she became a queen, no,
A warrior,
Weapons in her hand but open heart she greets new friends,
Come forth and share a laugh,
Do not betray her trust not because you fear but because she should be cherished,
But at the end of the day a warrior must rest,
Take off your armor and let yourself take a break to feel everything you've stored away,
Just as you are a warrior you are also human,
That means you may fall or be tempted but don't lose focus,
Even if your body can't be strong your mind will be your engine,
So take your rest now warrior for in the morning you go back to work,
Place your pineapple armor back on and secure your pink helmet,
Life may not be safe but it is an adventure for you to enjoy,
Please remember not all who walk with you will stay,
But when they leave it opens a space for something better,
Continue your journey as you gain another year in memories you become wiser,
You have grown from the person you once were so look forward to potential,
Don't let anyone try to hold you down because a pink pineapple is rare and deserves to be celebrated.

When I lay in bed at night I can hear you visit all my friends but leave me barren,
Some days you visit me and steal away my time,
How cruel is your torture that you find pleasure in my pain?
   Please MR. SANDMAN I beg of you to take me to your land,
The coveted home of dreams where everyone wishes to stay,
Yet you have banished me to nightmares if I get any sleep at all.
   When did you decide to play such tricks on me?
Do you entertain yourself with my tear-stained face,
the only thing enlightened by the moon at this hour.
   Every morning the sun offers me a mask to cover the remains of your torture and every day I accept.
But this day I say no to the mask and let the world look upon the work of their precious SANDMAN.
   When I look around I see others take off their mask and show the scars each person bears.
MR. SANDMAN we don't need your dreams anymore,
Because when I look at all these strong people sharing their scars I wish to never wake.

This is for both a bully and friend. They were like a tattoo I never wanted. Ink swirled under my skin screaming at me in victory. I woke up one day discovering this design dwelled in me making itself at home. How did this happen? How come no other kids had ink under their skin? That’s when they became a bully. When I got older the ink got meaner. Everything I did wrong they used against me like an arsenal of regret.  Elementary school became a battlefield and I always wore my armor. Children choose their sides not understanding the consequences each battle held.
Every morning they were there with more loyalty than a service dog. Every mirror was marked by them. Every student knew their name. And every day we would fight. Most days the fights were small and no one but us would get injured but some days there were casualties far greater than expected. This was not just a year or two of them being a bully but almost a decade of them being one. A routine developed where they would show up in the morning remind me they were never leaving and then wait for me after school. If I missed the bus they were sure to be there with me through that but not for support but as an opportunity to berate me.
They had a commitment to me that most marriages would be jealous of. No matter what they stayed by my side. And then I moved away traveling across many states confident I left them behind in the move. When school started I was nervous because I was new, and no one knew me. That lasted all of six seconds before I saw them again in the hallway. How the hell did they manage to cross six state lines to follow me and could I just disappear. The answer was no so we met again but this time it was as if they couldn’t remember me so this time around we were acquaintances.
As an acquaintance they were like a tattoo that you got done when you were sixteen, not quite what you wanted but it was better. This time the ink didn’t scream at me but talked. Their loyalty and commitment were both still their but instead of battles they became friends with others. It was weird seeing what they had become after so many years of torment, but it was nice to finally have some quiet. This didn’t mean I was completely free of all bullies however, I met new ones in high school that were much worse and far more cruel. After one particularly harsh day my once bully now acquaintance came over to help me stand again. I learned to lean on them and began to trust in them a little more after that day.
When high school was coming to close I still refused to consider them a friend never forgetting how much pain they caused me in my youth. And so once more we parted as acquaintances to continue onto the next chapter of our lives. This time around I didn’t cross six state lines but stayed in state. This was when I started college. I was shocked when I found out that they were to be my roommate I mean what are the odds of that? I still felt the ink under my skin swirl in a sort of salute to them. They remembered me this time around, but it wasn’t a bad thing. This time I allowed myself to become friends with them and we grew close. The tattoo was no longer a mistake but a well thought out decision that held meaning and color. They were now a friend that I could trust, and the ink didn’t just talk to me, but it sang. I want you to understand who they are so keep an open mind as I introduce to you……. my moles.

the entire world lays in bed,
everybody goes to turn off their mind,
my power switch is broken,
no matter how hard I try my mind stays alert,
can you teach yourself to not think,
can you learn how to not pick apart every mistake,
my pillowcase becomes an aquarium filled with tears,
sheets strangle my legs until they lay limp,
when im left alone with my mind it loses hold,
how many nights can you spend numb but feeling everything,
everything is a contradiction and no one knows the pain,
isolation is safe haven hiding in a purgatory,
how do you ever get out?

when a flower never gets the chance to bloom,

heroes who can save everyone but the person they love,

artists who die thinking the world hates their art only to then be seen,

knowing when you turn on the news it will be only bad,

seeing the faces of children plaster walls surrounded by gruesome scenes,

but the greatest tragedy,

the harshest woe,

is the fact you won't get to see another sunrise.

just bury me alive,
fill my lungs with ash,
fold my arms so I may rest,
leave flowers to welt on my chest,
place a rock over my head to remember my name,
will you soon forget me,
one night my voice will slip your mind,
soon my face will fade too,
for the time I have left try and remember,
i'll have your mind soon enough.

sticks and stones make break your bones but,
words will leave invisible scars that haunt you.
the first time someone teased me i was taught to laugh,
they tease you cause they like you,
why are you so upset its a compliment you should be happy,
so the next time i smiled and let the words carve my soul,
wondering if everyone felt this way but to afraid to ask,
teachers never noticed when i would slip away to cry,
telling no one how much it hurt to smile.

days turned to months which turned to years,
the teasing never stopped but i learned to hide,
others went outside but i stayed away from the arsenal,
each day a new weapon was added to their tongues,
only way to survive was to stay small and disappear,
turn yourself invisible so they won't notice how broken you are,
damaged childhood memories will always haunt you.

hope you can find some sleep at night.

can you feel a coil in your chest,
does your stomach feel with dread,
will you shake like a leaf in the wind,
how scared do you feel,
what will you do to survive,
there is no hope for your life,
why try to beg for mercy,
don't you see this is your end,
i will run to the end,
sweep me into your arms,
lay me to my final resting place,
allow me for once to feel peace.

nothing helps anymore,
every morning the same drill,
take the meds to paint a smile,
keep people an arm's length away,
just become a stranger,
it hurts less when there is no one to lose,
never let your guard down,
make jokes so others laugh,
go back home and  get ready for bed,
cry alone until sleep washes over,
then wake and continue the act

can you hear my cries from bended knees and folded hands,

do you have your radio turned on and tuned in,

or have you mute all of our chatter,

when you made humans did you make a mistake,

so many of us are broken and damaged,

did you really intend for all of this to happen,

or do you lie through gritted teeth saying we have purpose,

but if you don't exist that means we are on our own,

which do i prefer?

when we are born there's no teeth to be seen,
as we grow one-by-one they take the dive,
soon all will be gone and replaced,
just like nothing remains of youth,
now your teeth get dressed with lipstick,
every smile they take to center stage,
laughs allow them a special cameo,
when you're mad they buttheads,
every meal you taste they stand by,
some may be broken or worn,
never forget the teeth that make you.

abandoned magic castles coated in dust
broken magic wands lay scattered
centaurs have long since disappeared
dragons no longer strike fear into hearts
elves lost all glimmer and awe
fairies get drunk forgetting how to fly
gnomes just stand still dead in yards
how sad everyone begins to fade
imaginary friends have become forgotten
jesters no longer have jokes
knights have all died in battle
listen to the wind howl in abandoned homes
mythical creatures are just dead lies
no one has felt hope
old and broken dreams litter everywhere
places of joy have been left desolate
quiet cries of all those forgotten
rest in a bed of leaves
slip into blanket of slumber
travel to this forgotten land
under the light of the moon
vanish from your world to join mine
we can walk together
xenophobia infects most who visit
your eyes must stay aware
zealous hate will stalk

when i wake up i'm more tired than before,
when i go to sleep i feel wide awake,
when others eat i don't hunger for a crumb,
when others laugh tears pour down my face.

do you know why these things happen,
do you understand what its like to only think of death,
do you hear my minds constant madness,
do you pity the emptiness i only feel.

how long have you known,
how long have you been this way,
how long do you think till you will feel normal,
how long do you have left in this life.

if i spoke the words in my head no eyes would stay dry,
my silence is protecting you from the venomous bite,
please don't ask me to speak to you.

let me disappear into the background where all are safe,
inside i bleed from wounds carved deep into the soul,
please kept away from my mind.

choking on tears is the only sound that can be heard,
doctors put band-aids on bullet wounds,
please ignore my ****** body.

angels and demons perch on my soul,
who will win today?

angels sing sweet praises of righteousnesses,
demons whisper temptations to the soul.

both stronger than any human's will,
let them fight for control over mortals.

somedays the angel wins others the demon does,
each day I grow stronger to banish them away.

I'm seasoned with determination,
poisoned by uncertainty.
Paired with a glass of dreams,
laced with harsh reality.
Served on the platter of kindness,
dropped to the floor of merciless.
******* sweet flavors,
choke on your gluttony.

velvet cord blocks their entrance,
this show is not for everyone,
no amount of bribery could get them in,
on opening night the line winds away,
production took lifetimes of innocence,
with casting simply an impossible task,
many auditioned with memorized lines,
while your lines soared above tidal waves of emotion,
with Hollywood heckling your agent,
and singing praises only to the tune of your name,
it will be you with a name plastered in lights,
as i will exist only to become your footnote,
but for a moment,

you were my fan

connected to the end of a fishing line,
pulled by a hook the eye,
reeled onto the deck by a strong grip,
lashing out against every touch,
try to hold me down and still my movements,
screaming for air while swallowing nothing,
soon limp i'm tossed aside as you go back to the reel,
pray that others will see my blood on; your hook in disguise

the fangs are sheathed within the words,
claws sharpened on the broken dreams of others,
there are always casualties when it comes to humans,
monsters you can prepare for, humans are another story,
there is always something to lose when it comes to humans,
monsters you can recognize by their skin,
humans never show the skin hidden behind a mask,
i'll always choose a pair of yellowed fangs,
the pearly white teeth trick the mind into vulnerability.

sunlight silently drips down from the sky
umbrellas caught under causing cascading rays
try touching the drops of dreams falling
the evening always enters with the weight of wisdom

animalistic snarls of affection,
beaten black and blue with your care,
captured in a casket of adoration,
drowned by the depth your devotion,
every ounce of feeling evades being touched,
filth covers my entire being,
gathered around my ankles lain to rest,
here I make my permanent home,
isolated within the island I imagined,
joined only in the company of the devil,
kingdoms constructed in the safety of my mind,
locked to live only in the constraints you create,
maniac motivations for your emotions,
never clean I always display your artwork,
observed and analyzed by the fans you created,
place your purpose on my skin,
quietly carve out all devotion to sacrifice,
rot the lust you hold in the bed to nourish growth,
sin alongside the saviour so doubt can spread,
tempt those that claim to be sacred,
understand the grasp of the underworld,
vacancy lives within the glaze over your eyes,
weak souls wander in search of strength,
xenophobia surrounds your being,
you never trusted me to give me my life,
zip my bag close so I can have a final embrace.

i existed and that made you angry
i was loved and that made you angrier
i got your autograph on my body

you feel entitled to power
you look at me like some rotting trash
you hate me because you learned to

i go to school and learn all i can
i pray for my family to stay safe
i cry clutching on to the hope i might grow up

you paint people with your brush
you mould and manipulate masses
you make art only Lucifer would enjoy

i am always running in fear
i never look you in the eyes in case your disgusted by their colour
i cause the sky to rain and soak every cheek

you guard my success with brutal force
you take spirit and bottle it away to gather dust
you took my life but you still wear your uniform

kiss me with alcohol on your lips,
by the sun of tomorrow, i want to forget,
drown me in burning liquid,
fill my lungs with their toxic gas,
I need to be let go so I can join the devil,
dip my heart in the poison so the beating ceases,
satan has claimed my soul and nothing more can be done,
take me to hell where I belong with other tortured souls,
give pomegranate so I may forever stay in the depths,
place me in the fire so it might warm my body,
dig my grave and bury me beneath all my lies,
cover me in roses so anyone who comes near might get pricked,
never say my name in case someone is listening,
kiss me with alcohol on your lips,
by tomorrow my memory will be gone.

when you stop being daddy's little girl,
you see the flaws in your hero,
strength is replaced by weakness,
and battles are no longer won.

when you stop being daddy's little girl,
you cry from the vicious fights,
hurt crawls into your heart to live,
distance silences words with finality.

when you stop being daddy's little girl,
phone calls turn into ****** fights,
corpse fill up the room,
death flies to the lungs taking the heart.

when you stop being daddy's little girl,
eyes are constantly drowning,
blind to the life that passes you by,
trapped in a jail of your own making.

self-loathing is so addictive
pain is the escape neverending
taste of blood mixed with tears
your art is burned for its warmth
figures become monsters
monsters have become a companion
eyes shine with anticipation
waiting to catch your eye
i should get help cause i'm an addict
but i don't want help,
overdose

in my mind you are my friend

swinging from the buildings that pierce the sky
masked in privacy but shining of honesty
you know who I am without my mask

every night you take off your suit to mend
every night I check my suit of pretend

diving headfirst to be a part of your story
looking from a distance with so much connection
I follow you through your journey

safe from the mortalities that extend  
you save me from my villain's end

but our paths have never crossed
my thanks is the silence ringing in your ear
a ghost of the touch you will never feel

in my mind you are my friend

nice to make your acquaintance,
a handshake with a shiver,
smile of cordial formality,
cold grip of a snake's hug,
dressed in artemis with eyes of ares.

walking on a frozen river,
a cracked face with a freezing breeze,
exposed to your elements,
bundled in insecurities,
you saw me as perfect prey.

tools of destruction tucked in your eye,
in a stance of confidence and power,
sharpening the blades of experience,
boiling bloodlust for a battle,
expansion of your kingdom's rule.

nice to make your acquaintance,
a handshake is all I will deliver,
smile of wise impermeability,
strong grip of a tempting drug,
I dress in femininity fiercer than men.

you think I fear your icy deliver,
but you are the one beginning to freeze,
stuck in my trap of hardened cement,
led by your polluted curiosities,
beg for the atonement of your deeds.

the world you built is but a lie,
everything will crumble within the hour,
lost will be all your pride's resilience,
drowned in the ocean of respect,
no one mourns the loss of a fool.

there was a boy who lived in ignorance a long time ago so long only some can remember the tale,
his mother was dead and his father, well his father he wished was dead laying in the ground,
pain was the only thing the boy could feel and pain consumed his life leaving nothing for the boy,
a girl with curly red hair took him to her secret hiding spot away from the pain,
pain searched high and low but could not find the boy anywhere and grew angry at the boy,
the girl with curly red hair knew pain was looking for the boy and hit the boy so he fell,
when the boy woke his head hurt but he did not know why and did not care,
pain hugged the boy but passed right through astounded by the boy pain followed him,
happy and alive the boy wandered around town not thinking about a single thing,
pain was never able to hold the boy again but tried every day watching the boy become a man,
the girl with curly red hair stayed in her hiding spot until her dying day arrived,
in her arms she cradled a jar tucked away from the world the jar was nestled in safety,
the boy did not remember the girl with curly red hair or her secret hiding spot that she shared,
his heart was light with no dread and his head, his head was empty hiding away in arms cradled,
as time crawled on the tale began to spread "the story of the headless boy and hidden girl".

i will wear a hat,
and hide under its shelter,
invisibility is a blessing.

i will wear sunglasses,
and see through their tinted eyes,
seeing is deceiving.

i will wear a turtleneck,
and tuck into its hold,
safety envelopes every piece of skin.

i will wear my skin,
and heal away your signatures,
this skin and body are mine.

knees are raw and stained with fresh dew,
these hours together are my secret treasure.
flowers stay forever by your side,
you listen to me talk for hours with silent companionship.
by the time I leave my body creaks with a goodbye,
I load back up into the car with the radio whispering its tales.
lights are flashing out the window with distant voices,
my friend lets go for a walk.

you built the wall as tall as  it could go till it pierced through the sky of your standards,
I grabbed your latter of stories and climbed with each level whispering into my ear,
don't look down it is no longer an option just keep going with breezes tugging at my skirt,
sweaty palms grasping for the security of solidarity too far to turn back and yet not close enough to hope,
shakiness begins to take hold as the ground quakes with anticipation yearning for my fall,
arms that were once so strong only pull down my climb with the weight of its secrets,
creeping ever so slowly with uncertainty yet trembling full of fear that false hope brings,
slipped from the security of the latter air cushions my plummet to kiss the ground beneath your shoes,
bet you would never expect to see me fly,
but I was the angel in your dreams

burn but burn with beautiful control
burn but burn only when you are told
burn but burn at the command of your owner
burn but burn to serve others with your body
burn but burn in silent obedience

burn the rules until you can use the ashes to hide your face
burn the body dry of screams and commands
burn with a roar of terror that all may fear your power
burn with a fierceness that could never be tamed
burn beautifully so that others may fear your beauty as power

let smoke enter the lungs so that words are stained with your ashes

Dear Dad,
will you still love me and think i am your little girl when another man has placed his hands on your princess,
what will you think of me when my lip is trembling and i cant go to bed without checking the locks five times,
if i was a son would you have taught me to never go out alone or to make sure i stay in sight of the street lamps,
if i was a son would you still warn me to never go to college parties unless i had someone watching my every move, just in case,
what if i told you i followed every single one of your rules to be safe but that didnt stop that guy from leaving marks all over me,
dear dad do you love me if i am no longer the princess

don't you feel warm
     cradled in strong arms
             guarded from the world
goodbye you were too young

They say I am art because I have been touched by a man,
well that is how they treat me
I am a body to be photographed and analyzed
just like the picture hanging
a picture cannot cry and neither can I
so I just swing with red lips
take me off display so I can be restored
paint starts to fade and the art disappears
purple necklace and bracelets are gone
I am not art anymore,
                  
                             no one looked again

Love of Pain
A girl of wood fell in love,
she flew held by strings and heart,
soaring far through clouds and smoke.

The boy of wood who never spoke,
in the shade he sat with a shining hook,
closed eyes, nodded head he would never look

Hearts fall and strings tangle,
smoke suffocates the lung's tongue.
a clatter of wood melodic to all,

From the sky saw dust will fall.
All that happened the creator has seen,
from his eye there is a twinkle, a glean.

The wind is silent, the string pulled taunt,
shadows dance, hook now dull.
Child not a tear you shall shed.

For is the heart more important than the head?

bow your head don't open those eyes
****** knees bent in prayer
whimpering the fears you hold
surrounded by candles
lights flicker around your being
hide and seek on your skin
trace of a man's touch lingers
wisp of the tears fallen
opened palms raised in anguish
grasping for the truth
quiet answers the temple
the structure has broke
ruins surround the quiet
communion drips forth
take the wine and place your lips
break the bread for him
your body no longer yours
return to your man
drenched in the communion now
greeted at the gates.