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Riley June Dec 2018
This is for both a bully and friend. They were like a tattoo I never wanted. Ink swirled under my skin screaming at me in victory. I woke up one day discovering this design dwelled in me making itself at home. How did this happen? How come no other kids had ink under their skin? That’s when they became a bully. When I got older the ink got meaner. Everything I did wrong they used against me like an arsenal of regret.  Elementary school became a battlefield and I always wore my armor. Children choose their sides not understanding the consequences each battle held.
Every morning they were there with more loyalty than a service dog. Every mirror was marked by them. Every student knew their name. And every day we would fight. Most days the fights were small and no one but us would get injured but some days there were casualties far greater than expected. This was not just a year or two of them being a bully but almost a decade of them being one. A routine developed where they would show up in the morning remind me they were never leaving and then wait for me after school. If I missed the bus they were sure to be there with me through that but not for support but as an opportunity to berate me.
They had a commitment to me that most marriages would be jealous of. No matter what they stayed by my side. And then I moved away traveling across many states confident I left them behind in the move. When school started I was nervous because I was new, and no one knew me. That lasted all of six seconds before I saw them again in the hallway. How the **** did they manage to cross six state lines to follow me and could I just disappear. The answer was no so we met again but this time it was as if they couldn’t remember me so this time around we were acquaintances.
As an acquaintance they were like a tattoo that you got done when you were sixteen, not quite what you wanted but it was better. This time the ink didn’t scream at me but talked. Their loyalty and commitment were both still their but instead of battles they became friends with others. It was weird seeing what they had become after so many years of torment, but it was nice to finally have some quiet. This didn’t mean I was completely free of all bullies however, I met new ones in high school that were much worse and far more cruel. After one particularly harsh day my once bully now acquaintance came over to help me stand again. I learned to lean on them and began to trust in them a little more after that day.
When high school was coming to close I still refused to consider them a friend never forgetting how much pain they caused me in my youth. And so once more we parted as acquaintances to continue onto the next chapter of our lives. This time around I didn’t cross six state lines but stayed in state. This was when I started college. I was shocked when I found out that they were to be my roommate I mean what are the odds of that? I still felt the ink under my skin swirl in a sort of salute to them. They remembered me this time around, but it wasn’t a bad thing. This time I allowed myself to become friends with them and we grew close. The tattoo was no longer a mistake but a well thought out decision that held meaning and color. They were now a friend that I could trust, and the ink didn’t just talk to me, but it sang. I want you to understand who they are so keep an open mind as I introduce to you……. my moles.
Riley June Oct 2018
the entire world lays in bed,
everybody goes to turn off their mind,
my power switch is broken,
no matter how hard I try my mind stays alert,
can you teach yourself to not think,
can you learn how to not pick apart every mistake,
my pillowcase becomes an aquarium filled with tears,
sheets strangle my legs until they lay limp,
when im left alone with my mind it loses hold,
how many nights can you spend numb but feeling everything,
everything is a contradiction and no one knows the pain,
isolation is safe haven hiding in a purgatory,
how do you ever get out?
Riley June Oct 2018
the feeling of anticipation
an entire world on edge just waiting
its been a year worth of watching
all ears are tuned in to hear the first note
you have fans posted throughout the world
clancy may not have made it out
blurryface still lives controlling others
but you are leading us to safety
arm yourself in yellow so we know who to trust
we are banditos and we know how to fight
Dema can't control us
Riley June Sep 2018
when a flower never gets the chance to bloom,

heroes who can save everyone but the person they love,

artists who die thinking the world hates their art only to then be seen,

knowing when you turn on the news it will be only bad,

seeing the faces of children plaster walls surrounded by gruesome scenes,

but the greatest tragedy,

the harshest woe,

is the fact you won't get to see another sunrise.
Riley June Sep 2018
stomach blooming with sunflowers,
pick a bouquet to give to the one you love,
will they accept your gift,
the sunflowers won't ever stop growing,
no matter what you do they never leave,
you wear big sweaters to try and hide,
shower in pesticide and drink weedkiller,
don't let the weeds strangle out the sunflowers,
keep them safe,
let them grow,
don't shut out the light,
wake up and pick a bouquet to share,
if you leave them to grow soon you'll be coughing petals,
how can you hide yellow petals on your tongue,
each word scented with summer painted red,
carve around your heart,
hide away from the sunlight to wither away,
do you really think death will come,
i can see petals behind your eyes now,
why did you stop giving sunflowers,
leaves have sprouted from your fingertips,
please don't turn into a flower,
keep them hidden,
don't let them grow,
shut out the light.
Riley June Sep 2018
do you ever feel like you are a scrap piece of paper,
people use you as a test since you have no worth,
like if you never existed people wouldn't even notice,
crumpled up and tossed to the floor to soon be forgotten,
who would remember something so completely ordinary,
lined up and picked off to assert your worth,
never picked but left to rot alone soaked in bitter tears,
does it ever get better,

for now, i sit in a corner and question my worth
Riley June Sep 2018
i try to fill the hole inside my chest with lies and pieces of memories,
maybe one day i won't feel so hollow and cold,
each day when i wake up i find there is another piece missing,
no matter how hard i try to hold everything together it eventually all comes crumbling down,
every ounce of my being fights to stay together while simultaneously tearing itself apart,
invite others to gaze upon the husk of a person you once were,
muffle your cries with a lump in your throat so people won't come looking,
expose the skin you paint daily with metal,
how many people actually know your truth,
your family lives in a state of oblivion that shields their eyes and mind,
one day the mask you wear will loosen and fall to the ground to shatter,
what will you do after you lose all your protection,
is a warrior worthy without their armor or are they just another person to be forgotten?
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