The attention ***** screams for redemption
Her blood shot eyes screen dream for attention
I’m not saying oppression just alittle obsession.
With a beat that cleats along ripped seats
She’s rhyming I’m selling a quick story telling
Last night, It’s like alcohol with no sway
And my mind has sense to fall away
Her bottomless energy lead astray, no hope dismay.
That a life can steam out acceptance...
I’m matching my heart right now,
All cut up, ripped and beaten.
And it’s no one persons fault,
So if it was it’d be mine
She said, I'm sorry that I lied, I never loved you.
The way you move girl you're so divine.
We all have been avoiding the simple truth.
That we don't deserve a single thing.
We don't deserve that watch or that ring.
We don't deserve that house or their pool.
We can't demand her heart or a king's rule.
We can't jump and expect to fly.
We can't predict when we'll die.
We are all undeserving.
That choice is yours,
In how you live,
In what you love,
In when you fight,
In where you cry.
Forever ago... I made this choice.
We run into a dark room
In a glass ceiling home
To stare up above
I wish you'd live alone.
I would keep you to myself
As if I hope I'm enough,
Not to share with anyone else
But I know it's just a bluff.
Is this really what we wanted.
If we can't see what's below
I fear I'll never really know,
If it's you I'm running to...
Everywhere I know
Where lovers seem to go.
To end off and break
Feeling there never was,
They made their mistake.
I want to be right here,
Beside you, never to leave
And never to grieve.
Baby! don't you see?
You're all I'll ever want & what I'll always need.
When it comes to you...
I used to watch what I said very carefully and almost, distorting, what I really wanted to say so that it wouldn't be hurtful. Never lying, just distorted.
Over my time in pain I uncovered a lot, to much to un see...
But I realized what we needed to be to each other is more truthful and open. Something you may never learn to do.
But now that we are starting to hangout with each other...
Again I feel like I'm falling into that cover of suffocating everything inside.
Every time I trap something away... I .... feel like I'm cutting my chest open
This is truly what I struggle with around you. !!!!!
The only way, I can be okay with the way you are around "people" is if I think of you as a "***" or someone who doesn't give a ******* **** about what they are physically showing off to others... WHILE you don't notice that it's wrong... You Know! It Bothers The **** Out Of Me...... And you still don't give a ****!??... How am I supposed to trust this person with my whole heart again? When everything you do pushes me away into a hole......
But I'm not gonna try to control you or my tongue anymore...
That's why I may seem like an ******* but you leave yourself to blame for being susceptible to my comments.
I love you, but you left me...
I have no pity for you
I want to believe you... In us...
I need real convincing...
Not love in a dark room
Cold sheet on my eyes
Frozen in place
Hey! I see underneath
And yet fought against peace
Or I’m just weak..
...please forgive this one time I’m bored
Speeding past the sore fights
I idolize the lights
That’ve been long in gore
Finding a hole long dug before
. Let her stay
. I can only blame me
. And pay seas who fade me
. Thoughts of her evade me
. Own pressures invade me
. Like an evil vision
. Saying I’m best
. But born.. not left
. Holy nest
. And no other
. I’m poorly cleaver
...I’m no better
An ingenious kind of way
My brain only claims the to protest the faith
And portray the fame that I hate the same.
You and I, only His name
Know my brain
If you want...
Have all the same
As He who came
Died and raised...
*With who I am
What a scam ...*
What makes it okay to be angry?
I can never understand...!
Yet so blind sided with anger under truth with no perspective
I just want to know what she's thinking...
EVERYTHING she's thinking.
Her worries, her doubts, her fears.
What words formed unconsciously together will pull her heart down from every direction...
What music will remind her of a place she doesn't want to return too.
What gives her that feeling where she can't hold herself back from tears, or to run up and jump into my arms and bury her head deep into my chest.
A place where she already rest...
What motivates her to continue.
What's she really looking for.
Also what she loved...
And has grown to love..
I just want to run to you every night and take you away with me..
It wouldn’t be the craziest thing for me to be wrong... I’ve been wrong before. I guess it’s just time for me to grow up and take life the way it is or by its throat.
I understand your lyrics now I guess...
I can’t ask you to wait either...
But I need you to stay...
*Please sometimes take our lives into consideration... Even if your unsure...
I love you
As you can tell by now maybe I just smacked, slapped, punched, slammed, and beat my face in.
So much it starts to repeat and repeat and I love to give in.
I beg what else can you feel after pain.
And in each tear of skin a whisper for more,
An agonizing roar.
I couldn’t leave you on the earth alone.
I’ll break these bones
Curse my love, **** this faith before I let you go...
A million times...
Sorry... see you when you’re home...
Through black eyes.
I walk in this lie that I know the truth.
That I love the truth.
The only reality is I have been broken, I have been beaten, and I have given in.
I'm unsettled by you're ability to lie.
And I can't even control myself.
Blatantly... you hate me.
Undoubtedly... I love you.
And there's nothing I could ever do, to truly win you.
You have broken more.
But broken more of me.
It's truly, truly incredible.
I thought so much of you.
Thought you had changed
Meant to be read when you feel weak.
To remind you of the beauty that's left in store for us.
To remind you that this is what we have to conquer to have unending joy for the rest of our lives.
To remind you that there isn't a single ounce of me that isn't all in.
Left here to remind you that I will always love you. *My sweet girl.
Every choice we make. Make in love.
I didn’t think I could hate myself anymore...
I’m sorry you fell for me.
But darling I love you so much.
Please forgive me.
Why can’t we just throw away all of our mistakes and leave together.
You’re all I want.
Just let me fight for you again.
I find a reason again.
I ask to much of you.
But let me work to win your heart...
even though I want it now.
Let me build you a crown
You are my sweet girl
Life would be so much easier...
If you hated me as I hated myself.
If you wanted to drown me as quickly as I submerge my thoughts as worthless.
I walk with a limp, and sold my soul to place my heart in vault.
That's not so easy to break,
Not saying it's all fake,
Sensations just put at stake.
Never pain over someone...
Never love over someone...
But pain still gets through,
And so do you.
She taught me to believe in life.
If it harms me
It harms me
It'll harm me
I'll let her in...
Am I scared of the pen because it writes without limits with a volume louder than my heart can beat.
Atleast... while it's locked and keys lost.
He love’s the way I think
He loves the way I speak,
Finding who I seek
Only desperate it seems,
When love’s lost it’s meaning..
My heart’s dark instincts
You’re lonely lifted high
Never failing You’re mighty
From words You made me
Knowing You’ll cover me
For the life you called me
My good You planned me.
Restitute the damage done by selfishness
You're not a brother...
You're an idiot.
You once held her perfect innocent heart, it didn't belong to you, but yet it was still given to you.
Over and over it was given to you.
You dropped and tortured it every time..
Just because it didn't feel right.
It didn't look as great as the other.
I'd say that's because you're blind.
You couldn't see the beauty that was silently screaming your name.
...Until it cut it's own vocal cords
You left her there.. Beautifully torn and waiting for a savior.
& all I can do is thank you.
I live for the important things...
Like you, And ours...
Don't be forced to stay.
You can run,
Run away from me and never stop.
Never to look back.
Just let me say my goodbyes.
We owe it to each other.
You can try
You can fight
You can smile
You can return
You can live
I'm way past the "baby I'm scared"
Yet... I'm still stuck on it.
I had it all, I thought we'd last.
But I never knew you'd change so fast.
I solidified into stone, I had no heart.
I thought I was alone, I met your spark.
The cold metal scraped the walls,
Creating friction inside the halls.
Where were we supposed to be?
Hoping to cover my hurt,
I stripped my shorts and shirt.
A little early to giveaway needs,
We have ties yet to be relieved.
I know I’m lost, so don’t look for worth.
I know it’ll cost, but so does rebirth.
You never saw my fake joy,
Never saw that I’ll always be an abused toy.
But couldn’t careless if your dark eyes were blind,
Your dark eyes found a way to sooth my mind.
I’m scared as hell...
“I know that this was hard to find,
But we need to wait some time”
The longer we we wait
The more you’ll see
That I’m not all that great
And I’m nothing you’ll ever need
I’m just gonna let you down too
It’s all I could ever do
I hope to be there in the morning,
Every second adoring.
I miss your room,
Can we realign soon?
I have great hope for this flame.
I’ll befriend the frame.
I’ll meet change.
The remainder of my old self I brushed off my shoulder.
As I looked on forward.
Now much *colder.
And feeling quite older...
Not to put to much thought into it
Just live, and go with it.
Feelings might develop,
They might not, nothing to worry...
Let's enjoy this
**** my thoughts before they **** me.
My heart is heavy,
My bones are weak.
If I trip right now,
I'd surely misspeak.
Is a fight worth the pain,
If after the storm there's peace
But a scar still remains?
Are we just the struggles we beat
Or also the ones that make us weak?
You Own Me, in the most beautiful way.
You inspired me to write...
But I only wrote quietly.
I have no need to anymore...
And I love it.
I really hope one day that you find yourself again, because you are so lost. And I guess...
You'll never have just one moment of clearance and wake up to truth.
As I was showing you...
Jealously will tease and torture you the precise amount to keep you clueless to your lack of... *focus, stability, and peace.
You must learn without me.
A fire that burns isn't love.
And an ex-lover that curses...
Goals become achievements.
Achievements define perspective.
Where do you, independently, stand.
You ******* **** me
It's all I look forward to...
It takes every ******* thing me to hold back.
Every ******* thing...
And when she's out of sight...
I **** myself.
It's all I look forward to...
These blood soaked towels can't be used anymore.
**This broken life can't be fused anymore
I'm sorry I didn't try hard enough...
I really wanna die in the nighttime.
Not just why but how...
How the **** do things always dismantle my mind.
What made him blind?
You’re too ******* kind
He deserves no rewind
Do you still love him?
Just because he can’t live without you doesn’t mean you torture yourself...
Don’t live in a nightmare.
My sweet girl.
My beautiful everything.
At a loss... I am Him
I miss my baby girl.
The love of my life.
I'm glad she's not going anywhere.
I'm beyond glad.
How lucky am I?
To belong to someone so lovely.
So beautiful and understanding.
Deeper than any ocean.
Capturing more than any wildfire.
With eyes of a mountain top sunset
I fall for her everyday.
I see God in us... I really do.
I thank him everyday for you.
She has the glow of the Moon...
Let me be her Sun.
How lucky are we to have this chance?
To have eachother.
In Our Divine Romance
You captivate the entirety of my existence. I live for the important things, like you, like ours.
Hold me as your own.**
As if your eyes are the only source of warmth surrounding and leaving me breathless when they catch contact.
As if your voice can throw me off course with such power that I can't help but agree.
As if your perfume can change my personality as it takes me back to days before that I so crave for.
As if your mind is so deep and unexplored that I'm suffocating trying to be the only one to walk you through places you haven't been before.
As if your body is a constant spark and I'm itching to be caught on fire.
As if your the only substance that pushes the numbness off my heart letting me feel again.
As if your raw and nasty bite born from pure pleasure is the only mouth I want to feel on my neck and shoulders, sending your breath throughout my entire body combusting fireworks within me.
I've figured it out.
I've found the light.
This is the only light that I will now look at you under.
I don't want it anymore.
Don't care for it anymore.
Have a nice life...
There is a way to be inspired..
This quiet doubt arise
I’m not alright don’t fight
Don’t fight just write
Who I am...
Rather I twist a scream in knots
Here come my thoughts
over and over
I’m bought not lost.
Am I scared of the pen because it writes without limits with a volume louder than my heart can beat..
I may be a dreamer, but atleast in not blind to what I want.
Your ignorance to love is unbearably painful.
Maybe your biggest fear is that I'll do to you what you've done to me...
Through our drugged body language,
Our bodies make conversation.
Taking every medication,
She requires no meditation.
If only you knew my motivation
Could we start a new relation.
Lit like a flame
My heart learned her name
Can we be more than what was described?
Overdosing on you, I was never prescribed.
I want to be with her everyday.
But I don’t know how or when to relay.
I really don't think of people as actually people.
Who require this certain amount of attention or remembrance.
To be content with a relationship.
There are few that I actually see as people, in this with me.
How do you do this?
Pull me back...
Even if I'm so deeply down under.
Maybe that's why I love you?
Am I your prize?
If so then you've won.
I think more cautiously than I speak most times. I'm hers.
Can you imagine?
That final breath,
Before the ground.
That last gasp,
Before you drowned.
That final twitch,
Before you switch...
itch the trigger
you're heart swells bigger
you're not sure
it's your cure
How freeing it sounds
To be no longer around.
I want to fight.
And don't be kind...
You do you know what it's like to truly envy the sensation of your throat being slit as your lungs would fill with blood gasping for air.
The magnitude of pressure a knife would rupture plunged deeply into your chest.
*I ******* CRAVE IT
Don't leave alone
Why don’t they feel the same conviction?
What pieces are they missing?
Please steep our hearts in hot water,
We know our father,
Yet our blood doesn’t mix...
God I want it, but no it’s not time.
Not right?!Or no height in flight!?
But I can’t rest to invest.
Or just pray she’ll stay??
When grey lines define my eyes,
You never stay insight!..
Why hide from view..
Couldn’t you take a side..
Or run you have chosen?
With the lack of words being spoken
I will last long enough to hate you...
How can You set me loose?
Broken about no shoes
Yet no distance could find/hide you.
Over and over.. racing..
I’m worn and unsatisfied with this construction.
Lord give me patience, and peace to let go.
Notes I found
Surrounded in sound
On a chair on the ground.
Created for purpose
Doubled its service
When I went to observe it.
Not only truth did it speak,
But heart and pain seeped,
Then later an aroma creeped.
Holding close what tickled my nose
I moaned and tried to close
What came from the notes...
I really hope you one day see this,
But one day when heartstrings play in ordinance.
I belong to the trees.
I am dead now.
And he is alive in me.
I live for him and guides me.
He is all I long for.
He has given me life.
He has given me peace.
He has given me beauty.
He has given me purpose.
He is all of these wonders.
HE IS LOVE
Through him, I am alive
Through him, I am saved
You know the moment you were actually most beautiful to me? And when I was the most excited for our future together... back when we had just defeated a demon together and I was running through a pasture on one leg...
So on fire, and you next to me telling of the opportunity we have been given.
BUT NOW YOU JUST LIVE IN SILENCE.
There’s alittle fight,
...You’ve helped me
That’s a dangerous thing to do,
Because I might just stick to you.
A piece of my heart,
Submerged in your glue.
(((I love that you’re so proud of the compliments that I only said because of my deep love for you. Even if they honestly weren’t true...
It just shows that you have the power to save someone’s life with words...)))
I loved you.
But from my angle of view.
I see no care from you
I'm so alone
I have nothing
My face soaks this note
While the earth soaks this body
I know you have a lot of things in motion right now that'll change your future.
And I love that.
Keep moving forward.
I'll meet you halfway.
But I know you don't believe in long distance.
Keep moving forward.
I'll meet you halfway.
Some other place, some other time.
You are time.
Invented, designed, defining divine.
I'll just hurt people...
I shiver and hide.
I melt inside.
All the closer...
I don’t want to die, Anymore out cold
The death of a life, The rest of our hold
There is no balance to crippled knives
But crippled knives are meant to bleed.
And from a drop I’ve sown seed.
If I say to much I cannot act
And if act to fast I’ve said to alittle
But beg and beg til we’re endorsed
The last time, last I’ll be ignored...
What do I fear
From out her lips.
Here comes the winter
So detached, she's never fast
To pull me out, of my past
Rather win then love
So leave me when everything's above
I put my heart into a fall
I tend to think...
No one's around
I'm just using all of my words the wrong way to tell you I miss you.
I know it's just me that thinks of you throughout the day.
Do you. Can you.
I can be heartless for a night if you need me
It doesn't make sense.
I'm still finding myself.
How can you miss someone you don't know.
I don't blame you
All that's living is gone
You didn't keep a single promise..
and that's okay...
I know you believed in your heart when you spoke,
I don't mind...
You taught me not to trust a pretty face and a cute smile.
Not to trust eyes you could get lost in.
Not to trust an idea.
Not to trust someone who sees you as, replaceable
Not to trust words left without actions.
You were hurt by so many people..
I just figured you'd know not to do the same to others.
It's hard me to say, I'm jealous of the way. You're happy without me...
I've forgotten what real joy
I can't breathe
A knot that'll grow
All mental sanity.
Don't you ******* miss me.
You been given it all take what you have.. love him, and don't regret. Fight for him. Without sickness. And if he fights for you... you win. Until then.... LIFE GOES ON.
We can get so caught up in little day to day things that we'll miss our main goal, the big picture.
Just passing by
One day I'll know how to love her perfectly.
I'm learning everyday
Nothing comes close
To the way your smile made me feel.
I express my hell
And compress my joy
Because nothing seems real anymore
Life is what you make it. Not what others believe you are. Despite your current state. Don't miss out. I beg of you. I want to be able to say, "with me through it all".....
That I believed this to be true.
I never loved someone,
As much as I did you.
Us a raging fire of emotions,
That never subdued.
Once kissed, unmissed.
With scars that burned from within,
Then never wanting you back in,
To hear your heart beat spin.
I won't let it begin...
A familiar sound...
Not so profound.
Well, it harms* me.
Yes, it warms me.
In everything, it reminds me...
I suppose, when your feelings had shift.
I became worthless...
Please don't take your love away
Please don't turn your love away
Please don't throw your love away
A new season I see,
With new lungs I breathe.
And with this heavy soul,
In parts and in wholes.
I cast above,
To God's great love.
I can't wait until I have wrinkles in my cheeks from smiling so much.
What is this Love,
Where I can break her heart,
Break her faith
Deliver her wraith
Show no demand
Give no grand
Fulfill no hand
And still you stand.
You reach out for me
It calls her worthless
It calls her ugly
It tells her that no one cares
It tells her she ruins everything
It begs her to give up
It says they don't love you
It says she doesn't deserve love
It says you can't leave
But it won't control her anymore
...I won't let it
It doesn't only hurt you