This time she may not come back.
This time I may not fight that.

You can't ever say I didn't love you or that I didn't try and I can't ever say that about you. Let's realize that.

Like you did last time, erase me from your life... smudge my name with your ***** looks.
And I'll just sit and wait, because I know you're confused. I am, strong enough.
I have faith in our friendship...

Maybe you’ll feel it ooze from a blade
It might make you less afraid.
Maybe you’ll feel it release from your hands
Broken bones never stopped a man.
Maybe you’ll feel it dent in your skull
I don’t mind another hole.
Maybe you’ll feel it when you beg for more
Nope, you’ll watch her close the door.

A pill swallowed whole, a mind gone dull.
I’m alone and afraid, I can only pray.
To love myself.. once more...

Me.
The learning curve,
Far below perfect...
Not worth it all.
You.
Just greatly appalled,
After you fall...
For the wrong choice.

I miss my baby girl.
The love of my life.
My wife...
I'm glad she's not going anywhere.
I'm beyond glad.
How lucky am I?
To belong to someone so lovely.
So beautiful and understanding.
Deeper than any ocean.
Capturing more than any wildfire.
With eyes of a mountain top sunset
I fall for her everyday.

I see God in us... I really do.
I thank him everyday for you.
   She has the glow of the Moon...
   Let me be her Sun.

How lucky are we to have this chance?
To have eachother.
In Our Divine Romance

You were once...
I was once...
It doesn't matter anymore,
We can forgive ourselves,
For everything we missed
& Rejoice in our life,
In everything we've learned.

I do miss you,
I don't miss us...
I miss you.

Our friendship
I can fight for that.
If you meant it...

I can stand as brother with you.
While you stand with another.
As you my sister. & I, with another.

The attention ***** screams for redemption
Her blood shot eyes screen dream for attention
I’m not saying oppression just alittle obsession.
With a beat that cleats along ripped seats
She’s rhyming I’m selling a quick story telling
Last night, It’s like alcohol with no sway
And my mind has sense to fall away
Her bottomless energy lead astray, no hope dismay.
That a life can steam out acceptance...

You didn't keep a single promise..
and that's okay...
I know you believed in your heart when you spoke,
I don't mind...
You taught me not to trust a pretty face and a cute smile.
Not to trust eyes you could get lost in.
Not to trust an idea.
Mostly....
Not to trust someone who sees you as, replaceable
Not to trust words left without actions.


You were hurt by so many people..
I just figured you'd know not to do the same to others.

One day baby...
You'll meet someone.
Who when you open to their love...
You just feel consumed by the power of it putting you into complete and total surrender.

And every other thing...
that you had ever lost,
Will mean nothing...

That's who you are to me...
Now we know, I'm not that to you.
This tears everything within my soul,
and I can feel my longing for death grow!
As my heartbeat slows!
nervously, I tip toe over dynamite.


That example...
Of such emotion in a single act of letting someone go.
So that they may love another.
The way you feel for them.

      ...a story, not worth being told.

But is held up by the man with such bravery.
For his fragile heart,
he drops...

Damning himself...

To internal depression.
An **eternal victim.

Through our drugged body language,
Our bodies make conversation.

Taking every medication,
She requires no meditation.

If only you knew my motivation
Could we start a new relation.
Lit like a flame
My heart learned her name

Can we be more than what was described?
Overdosing on you, I was never prescribed.

A new season I see,
With new lungs I breathe.
And with this heavy soul,
In parts and in wholes.
I cast above,
To God's great love.

I don't know where your judgment lies...
Or where your priorities are...
But obviously...

You're never gonna stop disappointing me... *******.

Life would be so much easier...
If you hated me as I hated myself.
If you wanted to drown me as quickly as I submerge my thoughts as worthless.
I walk with a limp, and sold my soul to place my heart in vault.

That's not so easy to break,
Not saying it's all fake,
Sensations just put at stake.
Nerves cut.
Never pain over someone...
Never love over someone...
But pain still gets through,
And so do you.


She taught me to believe in life.
If it harms me
It harms me
It'll harm me
I'll let her in...

Your eyes
Your mouth
Your body
Your mind
Your heart
Your skin
Your laugh
Your soul

I'm jealous of it all...
forever & always...
I want it all...
forever & always...
I love it all...

Why do I assume the worst from the best of people.
But the best from the worst of people.

You've only lifted me
When I've wanted to sink.
^
We can't let eachother drown again
And that's how I understand us.
I adore her entirety
But if I get any closer,
I'll become one with the motion,
Getting caught as the leader
In this is reckless dance.
And a colossal love
Born by our massive passion for each other
We could wipe the sky and cover the ocean...
It's exactly what I want
It's beautiful and bright.
But we have to wait...
^
*why isn't it enough that I want you more

I'm to proud to speak.

I know this because I've been trying to say this for weeks.

I started so innocently with nothing to hide.

Now at every moment I look, for my shell to crawl inside.

I hate the feeling of loneliness, and limits I'm not supposed to breach.

It's a constant pain in my mind, on my side, it's a leech.

My greatest desire was you, and that's all I ever needed.

And it was all good and great... Until I realized, my wife's heart has  bleeded.

She spent her whole life dreaming.

Not of a boy who could save her from her feelings.

But of changing the world.

But then I came along,
And made it stop.
Your heart skipped a beat,
And you felt it throb.

I changed your heart I changed your desires.
Then you woke up one day
with that old renewed fire.

I tried to put it out
I made you scream I made you shout.
I never took the time to hear you out.
I only said, "I'm all you should need.
You're not a good girlfriend if we don't proceed"

I held you back, and I stressed you out.

With all the fighting I brought about.

I broke down when I realized the truth.

I may not be destined to be with you.

You belong to someone so much greater I know.

I must let you go.
To God, not just me alone.

Please, I beg.
I can't deal with another

You're my irreplaceable.
My favorite human being

But I'm replaced so easily.
*And I feel it pierce my soul

**** my thoughts before they **** me.

My heart is heavy,
My bones are weak.
If I trip right now,
I'd surely misspeak.

Is a fight worth the pain,
If after the storm there's peace
But a scar still remains?

Are we just the struggles we beat
Or also the ones that make us weak?

He love’s the way I think
He loves the way I speak,
Finding who I seek
Only desperate it seems,
When love’s lost it’s meaning..
My heart’s dark instincts
Chains sink
You’re lonely lifted high
Never failing You’re mighty
From words You made me
Knowing You’ll cover me
For the life you called me
My good You planned me.

I'm not scared to open up to you.
I'm not scared to give you everything again.
I'm not scared to fully trust you.
I've done all of this.
But for some reason, now that I have...

I am scared.

And it's not all scared of you leaving me. In fact it's not any of that. It's the fear that I can't give you everything you want. Or that I won't be enough. Or scared I'll give up doing what I need to do, to give you everything I want you to have. It's a constant taunting doubt in myself. That I'll actually amount to something.

there's no way...
you love me more...
I'll spend my life proving you wrong.
I adore everything you are

       More than the indescribable way you make me feel...
       The way I'm constantly thinking of how to be perfect to you.
       How when I kiss you, I feel love surround me, as you breathe.
       The fact that I can't get you out of my head... and I don't want to.
       You're the only reason that I care whether the world and I still spin.
       *God I just want you with me forever
       You aren't allowed to leave anymore...
       It hurts not having you right next to me every second...

And then when you get back
it'll be wonderful

Because I want to take you.
I want to take all of you.

I'll never see daylight.
Once warmed..
Now swarmed with words that don't add up.
Like I'm trying to see what's left in an empty cup.

Fearing there's no door.
I'm begging for more.

But I'm faced with two demons.
Cornered and Alone.
I call them myself and my own.

..It's twisted, thrown into the dirt and soaked in blood.
I'm sick.
I'm sick of my own words,
I'm afraid my thoughts will never be understood the way they we're meant to be when put into words.
You are the only vessel of such beauty and life that has ever been gifted to feel me..
Not physically but so much more...
Why can't I sufficiently portray the life you give me.
If you were capable of seeing my thoughts of immense love for you.
The way I pray and thank God for you individually at night before I slip into the next day.

You might just run away at how real I am when I say you are my everything, and my only.

You're not doing anything...
You can't wait for a perfect moment.
Pieces won't fall in place.
You need to choose what you love and never let go.
Don't be scared to make a mistake..
Don't be afraid to let off the brakes.

Life isn't a puzzle, that no matter what you do the pieces won't fit unless you put them in the right spot.

Pray and make a choice.
I've made mine.
Make yours, and then I'll tell you what opportunities I have set my mind and focus on.
This is news you do not know.

I'm terrified of how you're going to react to it... this will be the biggest choice of your life.
I really feel like I have no chance.
I might be joked at,
Feel like defeat.
But with everything I am,
I must give us a repeat.
But I believe, this is where...
everything is decided.
by you...

Live for someone else, not just yourself.
God will show you how.

I didn’t think I could hate myself anymore...

I’m sorry you fell for me.
But darling I love you so much.
Please forgive me.
Please...

You wait for a mind more mature...
Don't treat me like God.
Waiting to be old,
To finally be sold.
Your not interested in me just in what I've got.
You little thot, you can't prove your not.
It's your lost, I won't stay trapped in your box.
You can't bring me down with all
these thoughts.
Until I hit the top or slip on rocks.
I will not stop.

Yet I can't bring myself to leave.
It's so wonderful what we could be.
All you need is belief.
I'm crazy about you,
In every way to move.
Being pulled into you.

*Make moves instead of taking views of how they pursue.

I solidified into stone, I had no heart.
I thought I was alone, I met your spark.
The cold metal scraped the walls,
Creating friction inside the halls.
Where were we supposed to be?

Hoping to cover my hurt,
I stripped my shorts and shirt.
A little early to giveaway needs,
We have ties yet to be relieved.
I know I’m lost, so don’t look for worth.
I know it’ll cost, but so does rebirth.
You never saw my fake joy,
Never saw that I’ll always be an abused toy.
But couldn’t careless if your dark eyes were blind,
Your dark eyes found a way to sooth my mind.

I’m scared as hell...
“I know that this was hard to find,
But we need to wait some time”
The longer we we wait
The more you’ll see
That I’m not all that great
And I’m nothing you’ll ever need
I’m just gonna let you down too
I’m sorry
It’s all I could ever do

I hope to be there in the morning,
Every second adoring.
I miss your room,
Can we realign soon?

They're are two different things.

I don't like it when we don't talk.
Truly... you prefer it.

Find something that's valuable...
That loves you, and shows it.
I thought I had..
I haven't forgotten what effort looks like.
Maybe you have darling...

I get so scared sometimes...
So much I can not control through.
Worried I'm just a task on a list.
One that isn't there or true...
A list that only exist in my corrupted, sad, ****** up mind.

What is this Love,
Where I can break her heart,
Break her faith
Deliver her wraith
Show no demand
Give no grand
Fulfill no hand
And still you stand.

Why is it...
When I'm mad,
Rage fills my veins,
As it pumps to my core,
And I can't think clearly,
With hatred infecting my mind.

When I'm sitting in my car moving no where.
Because I can't see through my eyes.
Scared that if I ignite the engine,
That I'm just signing off my life to death.
That this anger will not rest,
Until I've moved on to the next.

In all of this,
my remedy
is you...

A simple kiss
A simple hug
A simple call
A simple text
*A simple act of acknowledgement...

You ******* **** me
It's all I look forward to...

It takes every ******* thing me to hold back.
Every ******* thing...

And when she's out of sight...

I **** myself.
It's all I look forward to...

These blood soaked towels can't be used anymore.
**This broken life can't be fused anymore

Most beautiful,
Most Intelligent,
Most ****,
Beyond perfect
Like to the point.

I couldn't imagine anything better.
Maybe it's just to me...
But if it is or isn't.
I can't tell the difference.
All I know, it's you

And when I've said it.
*I've meant it.

The desire in your eyes sets me a flame.
I feel animal instincts take over.
Your body becomes my gain.
Pounding, growling, you fulfill my dreams.
Kissing and loving, I'm tearing seams.
Don't mistake this as just a ****.
As if our attraction is just luck.
You're **** as ****, we all can see.
But the beauty inside you, only I believe.

You lie to me just to use it!
You walk through me like I blew it!
You ask me, why do I change,
When I’ll lose it!
If you really meant it, you would show it! Not throw it, down the drain,
Like you did yesterday,
I’m going insane,
Like I’ve done everyday,
While you **** with the fakes,
You’re becoming the same,
That’s not my name,
I won’t touch your shame,
You **** with the game,
Of nothing to blame.
Your brain!

Is left in the dark and I’m not going back there.
I wish could lie but I promised I would swear.
That maybe,
I’m not meant for this...
And depression, doesn’t exist...
A blanket of mist,
You put on your lips...

It absolutely *****
To be the guy that knows your worth and describes it with such insanity that he hurts himself.
Knowing/Hoping for the same.

I could bear through it all.
I will bear through it all.

I want to look into the eyes of child...
See myself in them.
Feel apart of them.
Giving life to them.
Knowing, we belong to them.

Continue legacies we created.
With beauty we donated.
From us... undifferentiated.
Saying finally... *we've made it.

You're not a brother...
You're an idiot.

You once held her perfect innocent heart, it didn't belong to you, but yet it was still given to you.
Over and over it was given to you.
You dropped and tortured it every time..
Just because it didn't feel right.
It didn't look as great as the other.
I'd say that's because you're blind.
You couldn't see the beauty that was silently screaming your name.
...Until it cut it's own vocal cords

You left her there.. Beautifully torn and waiting for a savior.

& all I can do is thank you.

No matter what I do.
I can not have you.


But yet, I still continue...

I haven't felt love anymore...
Much less being liked.
No one wants a deadbeat valentine.
-
I didn't think twice
Saying you were right
You weren't.
-
There's some core fault within me
I blame myself you see
For all of our mistakes
I'll hate me

Are you fueled by pain?
In love with my stains?
Hating a broken reign?
Loving I'm slain?

Your Host:

I MEAN?
Who doesn't want a broken, dead inside, psychopathic low life...

It hurts more than it should
The nothing I am.
I'd bury you I would
The nothing I am.

What if it was costing us both...
I don't want to miss the most...
Just being lost in your ghost...
There is nothing to boast...
Feeling overdosed...
I am, your host...

I know you have a lot of things in motion right now that'll change your future.
And I love that.
Keep moving forward.
I'll meet you halfway.
Somewhere sometime.

But I know you don't believe in long distance.
Keep moving forward.
I'll meet you halfway.
Some other place, some other time.

I'm not taking it how you perceive it.
Your weak mind is nothing next to what I'm conceiving.
I'm a ******* powerhouse with nothing to believe in.
I don't know how I'm still breathing.
You made me this way...
Don't deny it...


If there was something I should've said or could've done. Believe me.
I would've won.

It's not me, it's you.
You have so much left to prove.

But every time that number goes up.
Anxious thoughts attack
My heart cries
And body dies.
While my mind just yearns.. to know the name.

Why do you hate me,
As I love you?

Why must you disguise your pains,
With love and lies?

Why have you torn my skin,
Just to watch me bleed from within?

I am done.
You have won.
You've had your fun.
now please...
Put away your gun.

I walk in this lie that I know the truth.
That I love the truth.
The only reality is I have been broken, I have been beaten, and I have given in.

I'm unsettled by you're ability to lie.
And I can't even control myself.


Blatantly... you hate me.
Undoubtedly... I love you.

And there's nothing I could ever do, to truly win you.

Leave.
Me.
Alone.

You have broken more.
But broken more of me.
It's truly, truly incredible.

I never wanted it to be like this
She knows no bliss...
Because I can’t give it.
Slit your wrist or run away quick.
Somethings ****** in my head,
I’m missing a bit more
I can’t keep score
But I’ll keep your core
And ******* sore
Not your body
But her ardor...

We all have been avoiding the simple truth.
That we don't deserve a single thing.
We don't deserve that watch or that ring.
We don't deserve that house or their pool.
We can't demand her heart or a king's rule.
We can't jump and expect to fly.
We can't predict when we'll die.
We are all undeserving.
Unapproved.
Undefined...
That choice is yours,
In how you live,
In what you love,
In when you fight,
In where you cry.

I can't let you go.
We would both be torn apart.
So far, so savagely.
That we'd only have one thing left to turn to for life.
...is that why this is happening
I don't want to delay the universe and inevitable death of all things.
But if it's a death of us...
I will fight, and delay.
For every moment, it's another battle I'll be able to look back on.
When we're older.
More mature.
And believe, I won that battle.
There's nothing I can't conquer.

You make me feel like a king.

Only reason I can’t seem to post more about you...
Is because you asked me to let you go.
I wish I didn’t have to.
I miss you, but all I’m doing is hurting you right now. And hurting myself.
I love you I truly do.
I think about you all of the time.
The hope of us still influences my decisions.
So don’t take this silence for death.
I will always stay
You mean the world to me.
*My beautiful anomaly