I've figured it out.
I've found the light.
This is the only light that I will now look at you under.
I don't want it anymore.
Don't care for it anymore.
Have a nice life...
You've... left and stayed missing.
How do you not miss me?
I still do...
I still hurt
I still break
I still fake
I still cry
I just don't get it...
Dominate my life because I ******* miss you. Abuse me so I don't have to. Control me because I can't. Love me because I don't. Miss me because I won't... please
The support from a thousand others wouldn't compare to the support of you.
But you're gone.
Cruelly you left.
I'll see you later
What would I do to get her back?
Become stable, dependable, and attain a future.
Time to prove it.
But more for myself.
I've forgotten what real joy
I can't breathe
A knot that'll grow
All mental sanity.
Don't you ******* miss me.
You been given it all take what you have.. love him, and don't regret. Fight for him. Without sickness. And if he fights for you... you win. Until then.... LIFE GOES ON.
This is getting old
But I'm stuck
But how much would I ruin myself
If I waited
We've gone over this
Over and over
But I cling on
Because the potential
The true love
***** me over
I belong to the trees.
I am dead now.
And he is alive in me.
I live for him and guides me.
He is all I long for.
He has given me life.
He has given me peace.
He has given me beauty.
He has given me purpose.
He is all of these wonders.
HE IS LOVE
Through him, I am alive
Through him, I am saved
You know the moment you were actually most beautiful to me? And when I was the most excited for our future together... back when we had just defeated a demon together and I was running through a pasture on one leg...
So on fire, and you next to me telling of the opportunity we have been given.
BUT NOW YOU JUST LIVE IN SILENCE.
But every time that number goes up.
Anxious thoughts attack
My heart cries
And body dies.
While my mind just yearns.. to know the name.
I wish you understood
I'd take it all back
So wouldn't have to ever admit she doesn't, want this.
and I don't understand why it has to be this way... I can focus
Without a doubt she's the one.
Unless she doesn't,
I know with 110 perfect certainty that you're who I want for the rest of my entire life it's never been doubted......... and it's not mutual...
End my suffering. Come back.
You do you know what it's like to truly envy the sensation of your throat being slit as your lungs would fill with blood gasping for air.
The magnitude of pressure a knife would rupture plunged deeply into your chest.
*I ******* CRAVE IT
Don't leave alone
You ******* **** me
It's all I look forward to...
It takes every ******* thing me to hold back.
Every ******* thing...
And when she's out of sight...
I **** myself.
It's all I look forward to...
These blood soaked towels can't be used anymore.
**This broken life can't be fused anymore
I'm sorry I didn't try hard enough...
I really wanna die in the nighttime.
Please don't take your love away
Please don't turn your love away
Please don't throw your love away
Meant to be read when you feel weak.
To remind you of the beauty that's left in store for us.
To remind you that this is what we have to conquer to have unending joy for the rest of our lives.
To remind you that there isn't a single ounce of me that isn't all in.
Left here to remind you that I will always love you. *My sweet girl.
Every choice we make. Make in love.
It absolutely *****
To be the guy that knows your worth and describes it with such insanity that he hurts himself.
Knowing/Hoping for the same.
I could bear through it all.
I will bear through it all.
We are insane to not
Nothing comes close
To the way your smile made me feel.
I express my hell
And compress my joy
Because nothing seems real anymore
Life is what you make it. Not what others believe you are. Despite your current state. Don't miss out. I beg of you. I want to be able to say, "with me through it all".....
I won't make it much longer...
Always afraid of the dark.
Because at night...
The ideas spark.
A lifetime isn't measured by years alive.
I'm so alone
I have nothing
My face soaks this note
While the earth soaks this body
I shiver and hide.
I melt inside.
All the closer...
But a wound that closes before I give people time to clean it.
I should've warned you
I don't know where to go
What's worth anything anymore
Who to trust anymore
How to love anymore
Why live anymore...
My world ended.
Let me die alone...
Forget about me...
I'm not worth it...
Love on me too much
Tend to me too much
Hold onto me too much
Hope for me too much
Hurt for me too much
Break for me too much
You've given me too much
I don't deserve you
And I prove myself right everyday
You loving me endlessly is gonna **** me,
But I could never ask you to stop.
So detached, she's never fast
To pull me out, of my past
Rather win then love
So leave me when everything's above
I put my heart into a fall
I tend to think...
No one's around
Life would be so much easier...
If you hated me as I hated myself.
If you wanted to drown me as quickly as I submerge my thoughts as worthless.
I walk with a limp, and sold my soul to place my heart in vault.
That's not so easy to break,
Not saying it's all fake,
Sensations just put at stake.
Never pain over someone...
Never love over someone...
But pain still gets through,
And so do you.
She taught me to believe in life.
If it harms me
It harms me
It'll harm me
I'll let her in...
Am I scared of the pen because it writes without limits with a volume louder than my heart can beat.
Atleast... while it's locked and keys lost.
No matter what I do.
I can not have you.
But yet, I still continue...
Once again, thirst guides her eyes...
I'm trying to sleep...
It's begging me to weep...
I've heard about it.
I've learned about it.
I've fallen in with it.
I've been hurt by it.
I've been loved by it.
I became one with it.
I think I'm crazy enough to fall in love with you after your worst situation...
God ****** I'm okay with that.
Hopeful for it.
I want us to work.
I've loved and lost you so many times...
You'd think I would've learn how not to.
But there is no, not loving you...
Not for me.
Maybe I'm afraid because I thought the reason we didn't stay, was because it wasn't meant to work out that way..
But now that I obviously cant be relieved...
Love dares me to look at the *we
You eyes are fixed on someone,
That'll love you.
And never break you.
That I believed this to be true.
I never loved someone,
As much as I did you.
Us a raging fire of emotions,
That never subdued.
Once kissed, unmissed.
With scars that burned from within,
Then never wanting you back in,
To hear your heart beat spin.
I won't let it begin...
A familiar sound...
Not so profound.
Well, it harms* me.
Yes, it warms me.
In everything, it reminds me...
I suppose, when your feelings had shift.
I became worthless...
The remainder of my old self I brushed off my shoulder.
As I looked on forward.
Now much *colder.
And feeling quite older...
Not to put to much thought into it
Just live, and go with it.
Feelings might develop,
They might not, nothing to worry...
Let's enjoy this
The learning curve,
Far below perfect...
Not worth it all.
Just greatly appalled,
After you fall...
For the wrong choice.
Don't look at me like that.
Not what I've done,
but how it broke down,
The ones I loved,
Including my numb.
Stay the night
I was so blessed with satisfaction in my life.
Then I had a taste, but only a taste...
I am starving...
Of your burning.
I honestly love this place,
Being busy, dedicated, and full hearted in everything I do.
I want to look into the eyes of child...
See myself in them.
Feel apart of them.
Giving life to them.
Knowing, we belong to them.
Continue legacies we created.
With beauty we donated.
From us... undifferentiated.
Saying finally... *we've made it.
You inspired me to write...
But I only wrote quietly.
I have no need to anymore...
And I love it.
I really hope one day that you find yourself again, because you are so lost. And I guess...
You'll never have just one moment of clearance and wake up to truth.
As I was showing you...
Jealously will tease and torture you the precise amount to keep you clueless to your lack of... *focus, stability, and peace.
You must learn without me.
A fire that burns isn't love.
And an ex-lover that curses...
Goals become achievements.
Achievements define perspective.
Where do you, independently, stand.
One day baby...
You'll meet someone.
Who when you open to their love...
You just feel consumed by the power of it putting you into complete and total surrender.
And every other thing...
that you had ever lost,
Will mean nothing...
That's who you are to me...
Now we know, I'm not that to you.
This tears everything within my soul,
and I can feel my longing for death grow!
As my heartbeat slows!
nervously, I tip toe over dynamite.
Of such emotion in a single act of letting someone go.
So that they may love another.
The way you feel for them.
...a story, not worth being told.
But is held up by the man with such bravery.
For his fragile heart,
To internal depression.
An **eternal victim.
I have to take time to surgically remove every promise you've so carelessly casted.
Can you imagine?
That final breath,
Before the ground.
That last gasp,
Before you drowned.
That final twitch,
Before you switch...
itch the trigger
you're heart swells bigger
you're not sure
it's your cure
How freeing it sounds
To be no longer around.
I want to fight.
And don't be kind...
I can't relax...
I'm not supposed to be able to...
When you find someone that means everything to you.
That you want to spend the rest of your life with...
It's challenges you in every way of when to have self control and when to not.
They run through your every thought.
I can't be relaxed...
When I've found you...
You... are what keeps me alive.
**Unwilling to die.
You save me everyday.
Now let me save you.
there's no way...
you love me more...
I'll spend my life proving you wrong.
I adore everything you are
More than the indescribable way you make me feel...
The way I'm constantly thinking of how to be perfect to you.
How when I kiss you, I feel love surround me, as you breathe.
The fact that I can't get you out of my head... and I don't want to.
You're the only reason that I care whether the world and I still spin.
*God I just want you with me forever
You aren't allowed to leave anymore...
It hurts not having you right next to me every second...
And then when you get back
it'll be wonderful
Because I want to take you.
I want to take all of you.
My biggest fear:
Do I make you feel stuck?
Do I take away your freedom?
Is that what you feel?
Is to make you as proud of me,
As I am of you...
Why is it...
When I'm mad,
Rage fills my veins,
As it pumps to my core,
And I can't think clearly,
With hatred infecting my mind.
When I'm sitting in my car moving no where.
Because I can't see through my eyes.
Scared that if I ignite the engine,
That I'm just signing off my life to death.
That this anger will not rest,
Until I've moved on to the next.
In all of this,
A simple kiss
A simple hug
A simple call
A simple text
*A simple act of acknowledgement...
All the good
All the bad
All the confused times in our lives...
It's always clear to me..
I want YOUR LOVE
Who could've loved you more?
It is well with my soul...
She said, I'm sorry that I lied, I never loved you.
The way you move girl you're so divine.
I may be a dreamer, but atleast in not blind to what I want.
Your ignorance to love is unbearably painful.
Maybe your biggest fear is that I'll do to you what you've done to me...
I don't know where your judgment lies...
Or where your priorities are...
You're never gonna stop disappointing me... *******.
Keep living in your dream, running around... one day you'll realize where you should've put your faith, hope, and love. You stupid idiot.
You'll never have to deal with losing you..
It's not fair...
Life is anything but fair
I can't look, with how much I love you and not feel weak.
I'm not gonna sleep tonight...
You wait for a mind more mature...
Don't treat me like God.
Waiting to be old,
To finally be sold.
Your not interested in me just in what I've got.
You little thot, you can't prove your not.
It's your lost, I won't stay trapped in your box.
You can't bring me down with all
Until I hit the top or slip on rocks.
I will not stop.
Yet I can't bring myself to leave.
It's so wonderful what we could be.
All you need is belief.
I'm crazy about you,
In every way to move.
Being pulled into you.
*Make moves instead of taking views of how they pursue.
I'm mad I expected
I'm mad I ever existed
I'm suicidal I missed it.
The desire in your eyes sets me a flame.
I feel animal instincts take over.
Your body becomes my gain.
Pounding, growling, you fulfill my dreams.
Kissing and loving, I'm tearing seams.
Don't mistake this as just a ****.
As if our attraction is just luck.
You're **** as ****, we all can see.
But the beauty inside you, only I believe.
I've learned no place is your home until you make it your own.
I'm not taking it how you perceive it.
Your weak mind is nothing next to what I'm conceiving.
I'm a ******* powerhouse with nothing to believe in.
I don't know how I'm still breathing.
You made me this way...
Don't deny it...
If there was something I should've said or could've done. Believe me.
I would've won.
It's not me, it's you.
You have so much left to prove.
I'm done, these issues that I addressed.
They're back, laying heavy on my chest.
The soft encounter of our skin,
The moment our lips touch sin.
I can feel your heart in rhythm with mine, as the numbers count up, we slow down time.
We make every moment count.
Not leaving a nerve left out.
Feeling our teeth sink,
Our lips meet, as our bodies leak.
There isn't a place I'd rather be.
Next to you, I feel like a king.
I really can't explain,
It drives me insane, without shame.
I want you.
Nothing else matters...
I said I stole you,
Next time I steal you darling,
Will you stay?
I'm jealous of it all...
forever & always...
I want it all...
forever & always...
I love it all...
I wanna tell the whole world.
I'm in love with this angel.
You're not doing anything...
You can't wait for a perfect moment.
Pieces won't fall in place.
You need to choose what you love and never let go.
Don't be scared to make a mistake..
Don't be afraid to let off the brakes.
Life isn't a puzzle, that no matter what you do the pieces won't fit unless you put them in the right spot.
Pray and make a choice.
I've made mine.
Make yours, and then I'll tell you what opportunities I have set my mind and focus on.
This is news you do not know.
I'm terrified of how you're going to react to it... this will be the biggest choice of your life.
I really feel like I have no chance.
I might be joked at,
Feel like defeat.
But with everything I am,
I must give us a repeat.
But I believe, this is where...
everything is decided.
Live for someone else, not just yourself.
God will show you how.
. Live .
If you want me. Prove it.
And don't be afraid.
Hold me as your own.**
As if your eyes are the only source of warmth surrounding and leaving me breathless when they catch contact.
As if your voice can throw me off course with such power that I can't help but agree.
As if your perfume can change my personality as it takes me back to days before that I so crave for.
As if your mind is so deep and unexplored that I'm suffocating trying to be the only one to walk you through places you haven't been before.
As if your body is a constant spark and I'm itching to be caught on fire.
As if your the only substance that pushes the numbness off my heart letting me feel again.
As if your raw and nasty bite born from pure pleasure is the only mouth I want to feel on my neck and shoulders, sending your breath throughout my entire body combusting fireworks within me.
That girl is unique.
She has me spinning for answers
Steady and excited
Lifted to feel her warmth
As I stand behind my wall
of a hardened heart...
Guilty that I may act.
In a way that'll only please us for a second,
Which then guilt will throw us so violently back down into that pit.
She is indescribable.
She is uncontainable.
She is a gem.
Lost in dirt.
I love her.
I am so...
I can live with a tolerance to your poison. Stuck between being respectful and tearing her up. Bringing her to a whole other world of pure *******.