It shouldn't feel like this I know,
I know it's time measured by distance,
And this barely beating heart doesn't give up,
Yet,
My body aches,
Tortured, beaten,
But my heart, this last remaining force,
The last cause of my life thus far,
And these thoughts are a raging sea,
And I tie down my sails and pray for a calm,
A break in this weather, oh I pray it gets better,
Inside I feel the gap,
My heart to my soul,
Understanding is only half the misery,
No one wants to hear, "I'm sorry",
There is no fake sympathy that can ease,
A kindred spirit in search of more,
Directions smeared on this map,
On this man,
A cause not lost but never found,
Cause love never seems to last but a season,
Truth never lasts a day,
Cause if love is neither lost nor found,
Where did we go wrong,
I may never know the truth,
I may never find the road,
Doesn't it seem odd?
That a man judged by all,
Still only seeks judgement,
The only sure thing,
For everyone feels sadness,
They just have an outlet,
And mine is this verse,
Cursed with a gift not given,
But stolen,
I blame no one but me,
Don't lay down a cause if there is no motive,
Actions speak louder than words,
And intentions louder still,
What is one day to a lifetime,
But a prolonging of my consequence,
It seems as though I've lived my life,
On the wrong side of the moon,
And exiled here by my own thoughts,
My sentence comes too soon,
The river was to deep for me to see,
The reckoning between reality and dreams,
In the midst of what is known,
And what is longed for,
What is given,
And what is all too soon taken,
Don't throw away hope,
Cause pain is sure to follow,
And I lost my best friend to sadness,
At ropes end, pleading for air,
But he didn't want to be saved,
Didn't want the hand that was reaching,
Only quiet,
Cause nothing can reach me in the dark,
You cant ask me to dawn this robe of grief,
Only to ask again if I would hide it,
I let my feelings show, as if begging,
For attention,
For acceptance,
For the small piece of myself that you still hold,
It might be the end of me,
And the beginning of us,
I've let go of regrets,
Timeless and seemingly unending,
Cause in hindsight I see what it was,
That led us astray and off the course,
Jealousy and honest pleas,
Stay with me I can do this,
But I cant, and I won't,
Why should it feel like,
I need to better myself to gain you back,
Why should I need to do everything right,
Keep myself in order, and clean myself out,
Then find you,
Aren't we all imperfect people?
Do I need to carry myself,
Or what's left of me,
Up to a higher platform,
To find you there waiting,
Cause I know you are,
Deep down your waiting for me,
To do something I never will,
To say something I never can,
To prove something I don't believe in,
Cause I see nothing left,
But cold shoulders and stray emotions,
To what lengths should I wish it were intact,
To what depths should I want to understand,
Why was it so hard for me?
Why wait? Time is the last remaining gift we have left,
and we're losing it,
Every second, every season that passes,
Only curses us farther,
And if I find myself, would I really want it back?
Everything you've put on the line,
Hoping it was for the best,
I've never wanted someone to tell me,
"I'll stand away from you, until you reach point 'x' on the graph",
Baby this graph is twisted beyond measure,
The numbers deceiving us to no end,
It shouldn't feel like this I know,
I shouldn't fake letting go,
But is fake just a show?
And is real just a lie?
Does the truth bring pain?
Does life in the end die,
I don't know for certain,
Cause if you hold me when i fail,
I'll fail trying for you.
And these thoughts might be crazy,
And these lines filled with doubt,
But they're all written for you,
Plaguing my mind,
Begging to be heard,
And I may never know, what is done is done,
What I do know,
They’ve said before while crossing along this coast,
We only end up hurting,
The ones we love most.