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Oct 2021 · 21
Than I Ever Will
Joan Oct 2021
Sory for getting you out of that dream
I created
I had to say it

Sorry for doing to you what you didn't deserve
I hope she treats you better
Than i ever will
Oct 2021 · 20
Happy
Joan Oct 2021
I truly hope for my future self to find happiness and laughter
I don't need money or expensive cars
I need happiness
Give me friendships
And just make me happy
May 2021 · 19
Unrequited Love
Joan May 2021
Just your body on mine
Nothing more
But now I caught you staring
Through the reflection of my window
Your glassy eyes gaze to long
Nothing more
Atleast for me
Feb 2021 · 298
Just Some Time
Joan Feb 2021
No more bad nights
Just a few years
Our first bed
Our first key
A full fridge
And a full heart
you and me forever
Oct 2020 · 420
Pray for me
Joan Oct 2020
You want me to cry
Maybe it's better to pray for me
To stay alive
Sep 2020 · 56
Love Of Mine
Joan Sep 2020
With or without
I still smile when I think of you
My lonely days have past
The clouds were never so bright
And the birds never sang so high
Life has beauty
And I see it now
My days are full with light
And my love for you is back
I could stare all day
I can sleep all night
You made me who I am
Complete
For You
Jul 2020 · 47
Friendless
Joan Jul 2020
I want what is real
Give me people to care about

Show me what I never had
And what true friendship is

Life is so alone
Who is there to love?
Jun 2020 · 139
Empty Head
Joan Jun 2020
I wish for more
In my selfish thoughts

It's never enough
I do as I must

I don't see what I have
My heart is half full

Ignore the wants
Desire the needs

Can't call this a life
If no one wants me
Mar 2020 · 97
Something's wrong
Joan Mar 2020
I'll say the wrong things
You will just follow along
And sometimes I don't think your right, we don't belong

You'll say you know better
Deep down you don't
And you just lie or hurt, so I can't and
I won't
Let's break down
Joan Mar 2020
Is it me
Or the body I have

Is it the things we say
Or what you want to do

Is it your fantasies
Or the real love you feel

Is it my hate
Or the future that we share

Is it the story's we have
Or the dirt we breathe

Do you want to love?
Or do you want to talk?
Not ready for it
Mar 2020 · 107
Monday
Joan Mar 2020
When the wind turns
The snow will fall
The good will stay
And love will call
Feb 2020 · 65
Shout
Joan Feb 2020
Listen to your whispers
It's been echoing in my mind
Why don't you scream?
When the world is making you blind
Feb 2020 · 60
Unlikely events
Joan Feb 2020
I keep trying to change the world
Deep down I know it's me
We thought we could have it all
But now we're stuck in misery

Left it all behind
So I'll spend my days right here
Later will be found
So tomorrow can appear
Jan 2020 · 136
Thursday
Joan Jan 2020
And I still remember you the same
Cause you will never change
It's not you, it's me
That couldn't hold on
Jan 2020 · 43
Coming back
Joan Jan 2020
Now that I'm back
I don't know what to feel

Everytime I think
I cry
And everytime I breathe
I chuckle

I'm beaten down
And bleeding on the floor
At the place I call home

Left my lover for nothing
When I had everything

Getting called bitter
But really I can't sleep

Now that I'm back
I'm saying my goodbyes again
Dec 2019 · 159
Guilt
Joan Dec 2019
I try to say yes at things
Cause I know what I will feel
After I say no
Dec 2019 · 78
Sunday
Joan Dec 2019
Green paint, tinted glass
Looking at the big white moon
Knowing that the sun
Will be there pretty soon
Dec 2019 · 113
Raw
Joan Dec 2019
Raw
I want to go home
And wash myself away
Can't let you take control
I feel so changed

I want to pretend
Just us forever
The world's final end
Let's die together
Dec 2019 · 55
Past Memories
Joan Dec 2019
**** me when it starts
Bury me when it's over
Can't lose an other life
Scars appear and my bones are broken
Oct 2019 · 85
Never Ending Circus
Joan Oct 2019
I have done a lot of listening
Thought about it for a while
I even laughed a little

You like to talk
But talks always ends in screams
You even cried a little

I’m cruel and heartless
You brought me back to reality
To see without my eyes

You’re kind and warm
I dimmed your burning light
Now you don’t whisper anymore

We’re back together again
Nothing can tear us apart
It’s a shame, we don’t know each other
Sep 2019 · 396
Broken Walls
Joan Sep 2019
I’m not afraid anymore
To let you see
The one that’s hiding inside of me

I can’t control anymore
I’m tired to be
Someone I never saw as me

I can’t wait anymore
You set me free
Finally I feel like I’m really just me
Sep 2019 · 52
Young And Blind
Joan Sep 2019
Why do I dream about you?
Why don’t I want to be with someone new?
Why you, why now?
The time stops when I’m with you somehow.
Stare into those eyes
Want to reach for your hand
I can’t tell you how I feel, this friendship will end.
I want to touch your mind.
I want to make you mine.
Why don’t you love me?
Why can’t you see?
Joan Jul 2019
It’s not that I don’t love you
I’m just scared to face the truth
Reality always hit me hard, so I decided to ignore it
There’s something I always wanted to say
I know it’s probably not a good time
And you wouldn’t even remember it
But it’s been haunting me day and night
I need get it off my chest
So here it goes
I’m sorry I never returned your calls
I’m sorry I never visited
I’m sorry I isolated you out of my life
I just couldn’t see you like that
In pain, desperate for salvation
And now it’s to late
You went down
Not remembering my face
Because I left
Because I did this
I’m sorry
Here is something I prepared for someone, but I never had the guts to say it. And now it’s to late.
Jul 2019 · 60
Dear Friend,
Joan Jul 2019
This is my last letter to you.
It’s time for me to move on.
I need to open my eyes and see the beauty life has to give.
I need to end my grief
This doesn’t mean that I’m not going to visit you anymore.
Cause I will.
But my tears have dried and run out.
I filled my heart with so much hate and pain.
It hurts even thinking about it.
I want to change.
And it starts with you.
So this is goodbye.
This is goodbye to my guild.
This is goodbye to my torture
This is goodbye to your ghost.
I love you,
Goodbye buddy.
I will find you in the next life ❤️

Repost
Jul 2019 · 105
Regret loving You
Joan Jul 2019
Speechless
Everytime  you looked at me
Happy
When you made me laugh
Free
If you take my hand
Confused
Do you ever stop yelling?
Sore
Since you left
Heartbroken
You with her
If it hurts, let it go.
Jul 2019 · 173
Days Go By Like Nothing
Joan Jul 2019
Today we cry
Tomorrow we say goodbye
Monday we’re sad
Tuesday we forget
Wednesday we laugh
Thursday you’re long gone and past
Friday we drink
Saturday we don’t think
Sunday I take the blame
Next year it’s all the same
Jul 2019 · 168
Void Of Nothing
Joan Jul 2019
To deep in my web of lies
Burnt by my own fire
Can’t even trust myself anymore
Acting all day
These words are as empty as my bedroom
Regret has filled my heart
Smoke has filled my longs
No more tears
No more love
One of those days
Jul 2019 · 58
Perjurer
Joan Jul 2019
When your heart lies
Your eyes tell the truth
Jun 2019 · 67
Become A Victim
Joan Jun 2019
I choose to fall
You choose to fall with me
So don’t blame this on me
Love is hard
Love is soft
I don’t ever want it to stop
Jun 2019 · 794
Return The Favor
Joan Jun 2019
Catch me if I fall
Lift me off my feet
Loyal through it all
Without you I’m incomplete

Fix me if I break
Make me feel loved
Let my demons escape
And clear my blood

Get me out of the blue
Never disagree
These were the things I did for you
But what did you do for me?
Jun 2019 · 69
Nights like these...
Joan Jun 2019
I walk alone
In the hour of the night
Corners are filled with the unknown
I’m glad there’s still a little light
Nowhere near my home
And there’s danger in my sight
I feel my keys pressing against my bones
My body is ready to fight
Finally at my door
Guess I’m lucky to be all right
Jun 2019 · 476
Easy Love
Joan Jun 2019
I shouldn’t have fallen for you
It was my mistake
But I don’t feel bad about it
Cause I loved what you did to me
Jun 2019 · 131
Blind
Joan Jun 2019
I didn’t notice
When you
Screamed
For help
Jun 2019 · 111
Same Old? Same Old!
Joan Jun 2019
Day after Day
It’s all the Same
Same Story
Same Song
It never Ends
Long story short
Jun 2019 · 60
What A Selfish World...
Joan Jun 2019
Staring into nothing
Be who I want to be
No worries in the world
Only care about me
Jun 2019 · 57
Hope I’ll See You Soon
Joan Jun 2019
When I look back at what I lost
I see your face
And the smiles you caused
Jun 2019 · 53
Not A Bad Day After All
Joan Jun 2019
I will think of a poem
That comes from my heart
It might not be much
But for me it’s art
It’s a piece of me
Even when I fall apart
After every bad luck
I wake up and restart
Good luck to you
Jun 2019 · 84
Time And Place
Joan Jun 2019
Their love was strong,
But the timing was wrong.
Then love decided
They didn’t belong.
Jun 2019 · 133
Nothing here
Joan Jun 2019
There is an ocean of silence between us....
And I am drowning in it.
Jun 2019 · 67
Over And Over Again
Joan Jun 2019
I only do it when I’m lonely
It only happens when I’m sad
I let it happen
I feel the pain
Look in the mirror, but can’t see my shadow
My soul left my body
My light left my heart
My love left my life
Can I still be saved?
Jun 2019 · 51
Lonely
Joan Jun 2019
I know I am
I have friends, but I don’t feel like I can trust them
I have my family, but we don’t get along
I am alone in this world
I wish I could just fly away from this all
Leave everything behind and start over
Would it help?
Or is this what I am?
Lonely

— The End —