I imagine there is no place that I could go
where you haven't imagined me
Something, someone
that I am not

Before 18
Never smoked, never kissed, never dated
Never touched, never danced, nor wanted
“Below average student”
Unsuccessful in every way

Vaguely plain
probably poor
as things go
From undistinguished family
Big name
Wrong branch
Below budget
"You can always spot the clothes
the wanna-be's
the losers linger last-- hoping
to be chosen

Mercifully not

under-performers
hangers-on
The underside
So outside
til only now....

Somewhat silly
Too ready to do whatever it took
to be even liked-- a little

But too deeply shy
wandering away
to be loved another day

Probably not--

Not about all this....

Never!
Never look strength
straight in the eye
It must be born of something... someone... somewhere

She had that
octopus smile,
always reaching for
something.
I was her small
fish; her handmaid.
I lived in her nebulous
world for far too long.
Inky confusion...

There's a reason for
your treason, said the
old man to the shark,
but Hem forgot, a beast
is a beast, they do
beastly things.
We all have to eat.

I'm done being the
meal.
It's your Ocean,
I'm just trying to
swim in it.

You're an oyster,
and I want your
pearl,
but I won't drown
for it.

Saturn is in
line with
Venus tonight
but, nothing's easy
when you're down.
The clowns walk
around, dressed in
yellow; fast food smiles
and cheeseburger
souls, and nothings
easy when you're down.

The dancers with poles
and sadness, that Halloween,
fires burning, childhood
perfumed dreams,
kind of sadness fills the
navy blue night.
I can't find the North star,
and the jack-lanterns lie rotting
in the streets of Nebraska
and Kansas, and the candies
all gone, and the kids wait.
And I can't find  
the deep blue shirt I bought
at Goodwill, and Billy Burroughs
is filled with worms and earth,
and Bukowski looks at Satan
and says, "what do you
mean, we're out of whiskey?"

I've never been much for the stars,
and family and Thanksgiving are
painfully overrated,
and nothing's easy when
you're down.

I remember this day…

Looking out the window,
feeling the stray droplets;
Tasting the scent of moisture
as the chill of the soft breeze
laces the deep breaths I take…

As I once did…

I remember this day…
To be one that I’ve lived before.