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Jayden McKinney May 2020
Why do we all have to live up to standards of society?
No ones the same,
We’re all different,
Hiding behind a mask to fit in,
Looking through a window to hope someone understands us
Jayden McKinney May 2020
It’s been a while since over written
The words are there
Circulating my brain
Pushing it down
Making it hard to think
But still I choose to keep it in
Why?
I don’t know I guess I’m stubborn that way
Jayden McKinney Mar 2020
I had a dream last night,
Of us,
It seemed so endless,
Endless cuddles,
Naps,
Grey's Anatomy,
And then I woke up and it was all over
Jayden McKinney Mar 2020
Not just a word,
But a title,
One you were supposed to have in my life,
But instead you constantly choose everyone over me,
You’ve tried turning my brother,
The one person in this world I can share anything to,
Without judgement,
Against me,
You’ve endlessly tried turning everyone I love against me,
My mom,
My brothers,
My friends,
And only few have listened,
And left,
You wonder why I don’t speak to you,
Why when asked I say I don’t have a father,
When confronted by my youngest brother about not wanting you in my life,
As his father was never in his,
I simply say,
He has never been a father to me,
He hasn’t been the one picking me up after some bully has knocked me down,
Because you have been the one knocking me down,
He has never cheered me on,
Instead you use my victories and twist them inside me to make me feel defeated,
He never defended me against those who wish me harm,
Instead you welcome them back into your home.

A father?
Someone who loves you for who you are,
Someone who cheers you on,
Someone who only wants what’s best for you?

Yea I never had one of those
Just a little rant
Jayden McKinney Feb 2020
Sometimes words start to flood my head,
Words that constantly point me in the wrong direction,
Words that want me to feel pain,
Those are the words that kept me from blocking him for so long,
The ones that told me he was a good person,
The ones that stoped me from knowing the truth.
That be only wants pain,
He only wants drama,
He’ll hurt anyone I care for,
That he’s toxic

I wish I could just make those word disappear,
Make them go away forever,
But I can’t,
And there must be a reason why
Jayden McKinney Feb 2020
i've been having this same nightmare since I was 7, I know what caused it but I don't know how to stop it, its so horrifying, I have found ways to live with it but then my brain makes it worse, and I don't know what to do about it at this point, I had it the other night and it was so bad because now I have more people who I deeply care about in my life and brain used it against me, I'm unable to stop it so what do I do? do I just have them and somehow push it off as if it's nothing, because it's not nothing, it's definitely something but it's so unexplainable I don't even know what to do, how do I tell people about it without sounding insane?
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