Outside the leaves turn yellow and I’m struggling
My mind becoming my enemy, replaying memories from a time which doesn’t exist to me any longer
Two years ago we became one, something I never imagined
We spent days and days together until you asked me to move in with you
Two years later and five months since we broke up yet it’s all I think about
Cascading liquid tears fall from tired eyes as I remember the life I never wanted to leave behind
My eyes are mourners, dressed in black visiting the gravesite of what we were, together  
Each blink is a silent goodbye to pieces I’m still not ready to leave behind
How do you stop loving someone who gave you everything and seemingly took it away just as fast?
Those moments my heart remembers despite fleeting time and energy
Fall apart, fall asleep and dream of then when leaves changing colours meant falling in love with you and building a family.
A family I still see almost every day, but it’s no longer mine.
So yes, five months after the fact I’m still coming to terms with you being gone.
Feelings I cannot control and memories hovering like an unresolved ghost.
I am haunted by what we were and the fact that you can still look me in the eyes after the way you left without a second glance.
Twenty-nine years old doesn’t make heartbreak any less significant and difficult.
Perhaps someday I’ll be able to make sense of being alone.

~
~
I've lived a thousand lives
And died a thousand deaths
Within the pages of my notebooks
~
~

Sometimes I wonder if I’m your addiction.
When you call me drunk and giggling
or when you’re still
coming up on your high,
maybe just reaching the peak.
Do you call me because I, too, get you tipsy?
Lifted?
Does the thought of me scurry
across your mind when you hit bliss?
Do you need a drag of
me to achieve your ultimate high?
                  •❋•              
You’re my 4 in the morning.
My “up all night.” The
reason I stay awake counting
the stars and my
heartbeats. You’re the
spots that I see,
the shadows that I see,
when it’s running on day two and
I still haven’t had
a wink of sleep.
You’re every insomniac’s dream.