It’s been a while since I’ve written anything.
It’s 6:57 in the morning and I’m munching pretzels.
I don’t care about the crumbs in the bed this time.
Normally I would, but this morning I don’t bother.
I think it’s because I know that I’ll clean them out when I wash my sheets next week.

I have to be at work in a few hours.
I moved back to a familiar town because the stress of trying to exist in a new place was too much.
Normally I love a challenge, but I should have listened to my father.
He said “It doesn’t matter what you do, you’re good at whatever you try to be good at.”

And that just about sums up the last 4 years.
Not being good at anything,
Because I don’t want to be good at it.
Finding niche hobbies that capture my imagination for a little smidge of time.
But all the while my patience is gaunt in the cheeks.

So that’s why I don’t mind the crumbs in the sheets.

Spaceman come back,
you'd only just made it here.

What's it like out there?
I wonder if there's no atmosphere.

Crazy, it seems to me,
that you have come so far

and all you've done

is leave

If I'm an emotional train wreck,
would you be a first responder?

If I die and lay in rest,
would you love me any longer?

I question myself constantly
wondering what I could become.
Should I be more than this,
or finally will I say that I'm done.

I want to quit
I want to stop

But I can't

I have a debt to pay
and a price that will not drop

So I'll keep at it
Until someone want me shot, dead
someone other than me.
I seem to be the only who can see beyond the ******* and lies that I tell
to myself
Every day

You can do it.
Just keep going.
You got this

So like I said,

I'm an emotional train wreck,
but are you my first responder?

A jack of all trades
But a master of none
How many can I claim
Before I’m done?

Titular titles tumble from my tongue
Mumbling by mere menageries
Of often overlooked and occult occupations
Professional practices performed profusely

Waiting out the rain
Slumping through the pain
Perfecting nothing but aversion
New things tempt me like a ******

Somethings I do
Just for me
Paint this picture under my tree
Pull out all my drawers to find one tee

Drive the hammer
to hit the nail
Swing my car  
to set sail

Hit cruise control from my chair
Stare off until I get a cramp
Lay in by bed and make basecamp
Randomly run my fingers through my hair

But that’s fine for me
It’s not all for you
Some parts are lies
Some are true

I can’t have everything I want
So I’ll imagine the rest
Even when I drift off
I’m never at my best

I’ve never fully realized my
Potential
Never completely fulfilled my
Aim

If life is a game
I
Forfeit and forgive
All

My sunglasses twinkle
While they lay on your breast
I say “Go mingle”
You say “I’ll do my best”

We’ve been doing alright
We’re getting by
It’s been what, a week now?
Since either of us has cried

“Time to go” keys jingle
Crunching through the snow
It sounds like stale Pringles
“Why’d we have to go?”

“Why were we there at all?”
“I don’t know? Welfare call?”
“I just want to go to sleep”
“Our blankets run deep”

Keys jingle “Back. Finally.”
One slow upstairs trod

Above my door frame
A white board hangs on a rod

9 \ Days since last breakdown

“Scratch that”

Zero