three small words

the first time
i felt sick
could not believe
never heard before
never felt before
called you foolish
but only after
did i understand
your painful truth

people always leave

and so did you

i have this picture in my head
unrealistic
of me returning
to the place where it started
breathtaking fall colors
as if i had never left
of me dialing
hands shaking
i hear your voice
have counted the days i didn't
"i'm back"

your bullet of hate
shot in our infected heart
as it lay wide open
longing for true compassion

united we stand
bleeding the saltiest tears
crying over those
you have brutally taken from us

you will not win
we will not be divided
we are warriors
our holsters overflowing with love

all that i have written
each carefully chosen word
drowned in ethanol
to preserve its exquisit taste

transformed my longing mind
into a beautifully morbid museum
shelves overflowing with jars
in them infinite letters - all dead

what an insult to their existence
swimming gracefully in toxic fluid
deprived of evolving further
oh friend, what have i done?

they say i must be special to you
they say i must be nothing to you
i wish i knew what i was
i have evidence for both

i switch to my jeans
i slick back my hair
i take off my shirt
i show off my abs
i slip on my martens
i put on my glasses
i light up my cig

i also come in paperback

oh what a fool i was
so scared of who you would be to me
i believed i had seen the dustiest corners of your mind
i was afraid it was all a lie, all a joke  
every door, each window wide open
i was scared you would know me too well,
scared i would love you too much
oh what a fool i was
the only thing i should have truely been afraid of this whole time is being without you
because that is the real scary stuff