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Jul 2020 · 228
Determined
Jonathan Nouse Jul 2020
Keep your eyes on the clear horizon.
For its just past the eye of the storm.
its okay to go through storms in life. Dont let yourself be consumed by them. You'll get past this.
Jul 2020 · 109
Im proud of you
Jonathan Nouse Jul 2020
you might not see much change.
But the person you were two years ago
Would be so proud of you.
Never stop improving yourself. Love yourself. Take time in healing.
Jul 2020 · 150
Moving on
Jonathan Nouse Jul 2020
Years have passed since me and you
And yet, your abuse still claims my mind.
I think its about time I leave my past behind.
To live a life thats honest and true.

Because of what you did to me
I've sheltered myself in fear
I've never let anyone near
Never allowed myself to be free.

Your abuse caused so much hate,
I've lost so much time in this life
Dwelling on all the pain and strife
Thinking this is my only fate.

Well no longer!
You see this man?
He's got a plan!
And is so much stronger!

Far too long, from myself ive been gone
I forgive you for being so unkind
But no longer do you haunt my mind.
I, am moving on.
first poem in years. Be kind to yourselves.  Don't let your past control your present. You are loved.
May 2018 · 220
Pay the bills
Jonathan Nouse May 2018
I look at you
Laying in that bed
And I honestly wonder
What's going on in your head

24 hours ago
You attempted suicide
And now here I am
Sitting by your side

And while you seem oh so happy
But look at me so still
I think you've forgotten
Who's going to pay this bill.
May 2018 · 188
Have I told you recently
Jonathan Nouse May 2018
I'm so proud of you.
I love the things that you do.
Keep up the good work.
May 2018 · 281
Life on Hold
Jonathan Nouse May 2018
I received the worst news today
I felt my life start to fade away.
I rushed in an instant over there
Breaking multiple laws without a care.

I saw the nurses
The confusion on their face
As a crazed man ran through their door
Everything in him beginning to race

"Where's my wife"
I asked in fear
Scared for my life
Of the news I'm about to hear.

They took too long
I saw her in her bed
I sprinted over to her
Thinking the worst in my head

She saw me
With a worried look in her eye
I held her in my arms
And began to uncontrollably cry.

So much has happened
The past few hours of my life
But it feels like forever
Since I last held my wife

And here I sit
Next to her bed
Holding her hand.
And kissing her head.

I'll sit here forever
If need be
Next to my wife
Till they let her free.

Until then
I'll let life unfold
And I shall sit right here
Putting my life
On hold.
I hate hospitals. I've been around them too much in my life
May 2018 · 301
Express your feelings
Jonathan Nouse May 2018
No

Because they will always be misunderstood and misinterpreted. You'll just dig your own grave and bury yourself in your emotions.
May 2018 · 591
Shoulda coulda woulda
Jonathan Nouse May 2018
I should've done that differently
I could've saved them if only I did this.
If only i would've known this. It wouldn't have played out the way it did.

**** this.
May 2018 · 132
Anger
Jonathan Nouse May 2018
A strong emotion.
But is only secondary.
Anger is never the first emotion you feel-
It goes deeper.
You are sad or scared
Which makes you angry.
You're disappointed
Which makes you angry.
Anger. Is secondary.
So why do we allow it to consume us so badly?
And why is it **** near impossible to control?
Being sad leads to anger
Anger leads to sadness
Which leads to more anger
And transforms to depression.
I'm so angry at the thought of
Moving forward..

I'm angry at being depressed.
But I'm so depressed I don't want to go on
Which makes me angry.
Apr 2018 · 355
Partnered musically
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
Melody and harmony work
-Together-
To make something beautiful.

They won't always be happy
Sometimes it will be sad
But as long as the two follow through
-Together-
Music is made.
Dont get ahead of your harmony. Work together
Apr 2018 · 316
My prayer
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
Our heavenly father
Who art thou up above
Please send this prayer
To the one that I love.

Please send a message
Let her know I still care
Also please remind her
If she needs you, you'll be there.

Let her know that I'm sorry
For the things I hath done.
I regret my decisions.
All except one.

I do not regret meeting her.
It was the greatest gift you gave.
I know now I ruined that
And my marriage, only you can save.

But if it's not ment to be
I will no longer be sad
For a sign has been given
I know you'll make me glad.

And if it's not meant to be
I ask one thing more
Please watch over her
And guide her to your shore

I know I've lost faith
Aswell as my hope too.
But both can be fixed
Only, by only you

My life if in your hands
Do with it what you will
I will trust in you forever
To guide me and be still.

These flavors I will ask
Again and again
Till my prayers have been answered
In jesus name,

Amen.
Prayers that will need to be answered.
Apr 2018 · 310
Busy work
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
Busy
Busy
Busy.

Work
Work
Work.

Dont think about the bad things.

Just stay busy.
Just keep working.
Till you die.
Its hard to stay busy when work is slow
Apr 2018 · 295
Wounds
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
When you get a cut
You need to treat it.
And tend to it
Until it heals.

Ignore the fact it exists
And it becomes infected
And begins to spread
until that body part
Needs to be removed.

Ive left my wounds untreated
Far too long.
Now look at me.
Im a living zombie.
With a few bandages on me.

My body.
My mind.
My soul.
Permanently scarred
Because of these wounds.

But as long as i get treatment
These scars will be a reminder
Never to cut myself again.
Never to make the same mistake twice.

But they need to heal first.
So lets treat
These wounds.
Dont cut too deep
Apr 2018 · 207
Questions unanswered
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
Can I just know im not being used?

Can you grant me the satisfaction for my mind that im not wasting my time?

Can I please have the feeling that im not still in your life for the benefits that are reaped through me?

I just want to know if you still care.

And if you do care, is it enough to try again?

They say time heals all wounds but i feel mine growing as time goes by because im left with questions unanswered.

Can we just be on the same page for once in this struggle?

Can my mind just shut its ******* mouth with the anxiety and fear it feeds to me?

Thoughts that you say you need space to heal but in reality its because you dont want to deal with any of this.

You dont want to deal with me.

Can i be treated like a human and not a waste of time?

Can i be seen as a human and not old memories?

Can my mind be put at ease? For these questions unanswered are starting to eat me alive.

Can these questions be answered, please.
Again another personal poem that i hope she reads. My mind is starting to eat me alive
Apr 2018 · 233
Quit
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
Stop making me believe theres a chance to live a happy life again.

Stop feeding me some false hope that you'll come back some day.

If youre doing this as some sick punishment to break me down

You win.

I quit
I cant do this anymore
Apr 2018 · 240
Happily [n]ever after
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
Once upon a time,
My mind was so clear
I had a perfect little life
With someone near and dear.

Fast forward to today,
Where my mind is now hazy
Its really sad to say
How my life got this crazy.

Its almost like a dream
Turned into a nightmare.
And i just want to scream
At the thought that you dont care.

The stories that we're told
When we were just young
Of happy little endings
Are a false slip of the tongue

See the stories we are told
Are a lot less happy
Theyve only been changed
To seem a little more sappy.

These stories in their prime
Were much more gruesome and dark
Because happily ever after
Is an unreal walk in the park.
I wish life was as easy as the new version fantasy books
Apr 2018 · 264
If i die
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
Would you come to my funeral?
Would you be dressed in all black crying over me?
Would you have any regrets?
Would you wish youd done something sooner?
Would you mourn over me?
Would you even notice I was gone?
Would you even care?
Should I even ask?
do I dare?
If I were to die tomorrow
Would you even care?
Wrote this one in hopes someone wouldsee it. But i dont think she cares
Apr 2018 · 201
My greatest weakness
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
You.

You'd think a grown giant wouldn't be intimidated by someone like you but its true. It's you.

All it takes is one glance at you and the kingdom I've built comes crashing down.

You have the power to rock me to my core and bring me to my knees.

And you'd think after knowing that,
I'd leave my greatest weakness-
But no.

For I need my weakness to find my strength.
Im very tall. And shes very small.
Apr 2018 · 313
These sleepless nights
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
Oh how I dread these sleepless nights
Where my own mind is drunk on its thoughts that prey on my existence.

Thoughts of fear, hate, loneliness, and sorrow.

I fear my existence is too short to live the life i want and i fear my choices have been unwise and with no gain.

I hate the thoughts of hate
but hate provokes me
in ways i never knew.
I hate not knowing my future.
Not even in the slightest
and i hate that its because of my own self.

The thoughts of loneliness are by far the worst because they show my true reality of today. And for tomorrow. 

And sorrow is a lonesome thought that passes by and it scares me to think of how much I hate it.

Its sad to say how much i hate
These sleepless nights
I dont get much sleep anyway
Apr 2018 · 257
Choices
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
"Have you made the right ones?"
The greatest enemy to your mind is the forever existing question that remains and will never be answered.
Thoughts that will forever keep me up at night.
Apr 2018 · 1.4k
Patience
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
A wise person once said

Patience is not measured by your ability to wait. But by your actions and your behavior while you wait-

How great is your paitence to wait for the fruit of your tree to become ripe?

In this day and age people say they have patience but cant wait 5 minutes to hear back from someone.

In todays society theres a demand to get everything now but how great is your patience?

Are you willing to wait a year for success? Let alone a few weeks.

And as the quote says above how will you be waiting?

Will you be waiting patiently? Or will the thoughts and fears that poison your mind saying what if it doesnt work out? Will you walk away?

Patience greatest enemy is that cursed two words. "What if".

But "what if things do work out" and everything falls according to plan and the stars align did your patience follow through?

See i can say all i want about patience but the true meaning is no words at all. Just silence. And peace.

How great is your patience.
How great IS your patience?
Apr 2018 · 322
Beauty
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
Even thunderstorms
Cast rainbows After its over
Its mysteriously miraculous.
You just need to be at the right place to see.
You can find the beauty even in the darkest of places
Apr 2018 · 659
Faces
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
Everyone has one.
But everyone has multiple.
I know many people
But I know only one.
Everyone puts on a face for you
and another when your gone.
Pretty self explanitory what this one means
Apr 2018 · 302
Destruction
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
As broken he was
A burning flame resided still
he smiled vaguely
Burning bridges momentarily wondering why.
Why were these built in the first place.
In this time in my life i was seeking to make ends and finish things with someone in my life. Sadly the bridge is on fire but still remains
Apr 2018 · 221
Rain
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
I did not come prepared with an umbrella on this sunny day.

But alas, i shall dance in the rain.
During this time in my life i was trying to find happiness in my sorrows
Apr 2018 · 325
You
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
You
The clear horizon.
Just past the eye of the storm.
Apr 2018 · 456
Time
Jonathan Nouse Apr 2018
Time.

What does that mean to you-
Ill give you some time to think about it.
But its time to explain what it means to me.

Time.

Nothing more than a construct of man to give men timelines and deadlines.

A phrase often used "I need a little more time" but what are you waiting for?

The creation of destruction, like a ticking time bomb, everything fades through time.

There once was a time i thought differently about this. But as time goes by im left with different visions and opinions.

Some times days go by slower- and other times they rush by in an instant. In no, time.

There are times when you wish time would stop and you could enjoy the picture perfect moment you are in.

But alas, time is a cruel one created by man- you cannot stop time.
But can say its time to stop.

People ask me what time is it-
to which i will reply the time is now,
move forward.

But still there are times I wish I could go back in time.
To reshake that hand correctly-
To to help that elderly woman across the street- To give that homeless man my last 5 dollars- To forgive an old friend- To fix an old love.
But time is cruel.
There is never enough time.

Thank you for your Time to explain my thoughts.
For real thought what are your thoughts on the word?

— The End —