Why does she always leave when I close my eyes? Beneath the veil of love They will always despise. My mind is merciless Won't let me be Executes me even in times of glee.
She says she'll never leave me Why don't I believe her? An angel is no deceiver. Why do I feel all alone? Losing that warm embrace Turns my heart to stone.
I am a moth Love is my desire. If I'm ever in solitude I fly into the fire. Sometimes it burns me to cinder A few times, a sort of gold But even as gold, fear looks to hinder. And I wish I could have a moment of silence in my head Just a moment where I feel secure A second where I believe what is said.
Everyday, I worry she'll be gone I know I should just bask in the fact she's here And that I love her And that I'd do anything for her But my anxiety Spins in a void circle And my thoughts My conscious My hope My happiness Just get completely crumbled under A storm of madness. I long for some way to ensure Some way of feeling Some sense of love that is truly secure
Won't you please just stay? Won't I please stop worrying?
Is it really so bad to think that maybe the nothingness that is assumed at the end of the road is actually a light a continuation of your dreams without all the screams without bursting at your seams where you can rest but still float in a calming boat a soul in a stream your life a vivid beam at the end of all heartache comes a wave of new odysseys not even one that is described by the hateful religious but perhaps at least something something outside of nothing somewhere to run free somewhere to be comforted a land where you can see enlightenment and glee learning life's key. It would be nice but I get the idea that the only reason people even believe in somewhere after the end is because we are all terrified of the black the dark the cold embrace at death's door the ceasing of all awareness and maybe the thought that our life was meaningless in the grand scheme of things even though that is probably true and I am kind of okay with that part of me is still hoping for somewhere for my soul to go after this **** we call life.
People are disgusting, even me More than others can really see Beneath the love, a darkness so bleak Defining an existence so meek People live, people die People ****, and defy Hurting each other for their own gain Precious moments down the drain.
A breath is nothing to the coin Happiness and wealth have to join These rules were written without our consent Death that piles beyond extent Our human greed is outside measure Only concerned with their unquenchable pleasure All we can do is our part You and me, with all our heart.
Our heart is one, and they don't know We cannot let their consumption grow Even in the endless night We must speak the voiceless plight The monopoly on a fair life The gluttonous, murderous knife There are the things we need to end In order to get our world to mend.
A lifetime comes, where hope can fade Underneath the worker's shade Whispers of a satisfied living Grow in place of that desire for giving Old age comes, you cease to care Blinded by their crooked glare So you rest against a tree Without wondering what was key. People are disgusting.
Did I wake up this morning? Am I walking in an endless nightmare? A confined circle of my own mental construction of which I am stabbed by this fear of the unknown. When in reality existence is the unknown. Did I wake up this morning?
Cup of coffee, empty in minutes. Breakfast devoured drive to work finished. Is my inner self as empty as my cup? My plate? My drive? One foot in front of the other Walking towards ceasing Until then, an endless cycle a nightmare of failure. Broken up with the numbing. Did I wake up this morning?
Working. Working. Working. Am I a dull boy? Is it because the bonds that actually remind me of worth are slowly broken by this pointless endless stream of earning of learning? That's what They say. But what am I truly discovering? Enlightenment is nowhere in sight. In its place, a puddle of mediocrity; of this monotone routine. A cage. Is this my own, subtle ****? Have I been bad? Did I wake up this morning?
It always crosses my mind that maybe I haven't ended it all simply because I am truly afraid of the nothingness. The true breaking of the routine. That I am more afraid of that than the normality in this emptiness. Is it because deep down like the others I believe that maybe there is something to hold on to? Did I wake up this morning?
Part of me is okay with the idea of this being a sort of subtle ****. Because in the depths of this emotional abyss I find solace in love. The burning empathy I have for all life. And most of all for my family. My friends. My lover. These people are those that throw me a rope and at least temporarily dig me out of this mental nightmare. And if this temporary bliss they give me in this infinite insanity despite perhaps them not existing at all isn't what being alive feels like, maybe I am okay with being dead. Of existing in this looping dream inside my head. Did I wake up this morning? Perhaps I don't care.
I'm back. I brought some darkness with me. Hope you don't mind.
Laying in bed, a prisoner of my mind. The fear of death, entangles me in a bind. The swift snuffing of the candle. Why now is it too much to handle? I close my eyes, and I'm a pile of bone. I remind myself in the end, we're all alone. I howl at the moon with the dismay of my eye Desperately shaken with the thought I could die. I'll shut my eyes, and sleep forever Awaken in the hopeless nether. Or not, perhaps it'd all be a void Pieces of your past all but destroyed. The sun rises, the fear of fading falls As nightfall comes, lady death always calls.
I miss you More than honestly I ever thought I would I remember the nights like they were yesterday And I wish they were I remember when we’d speed down the street Brown, paper bags in our laps The distinct smell of a good burger Draping the air as we headed into the sunset We’d stop and get a movie Something cheesy, ****** looking We’d want something to laugh at Through our unconventional humor And we’d drink away our troubles Maybe that’s where we went wrong But I still remember you, brother In the place that you belong.
You left one day, to pursue the ocean I smiled because you would no longer Be so lonely. I was the only thing you had here. On the beach, you’d have family You’d have people To make you not feel so empty And you could carry a case Of that stout you liked so much And drink it as the waves Washed away your troubles. I hoped luck might find you But she’s a two-faced dancer Where did things go wrong? I wish I had the answer.
Instead of luck Dancing with you Maybe making some love With your lonely heart She bit your neck Until you bled out onto that Cheap carpet in your Apartment bedroom And the loneliness and the depression All came out with the drugs And when I got that call About my friend Who despite me not getting around To calling in a few months Considered me close enough To have as his emergency contact Died one morning How he felt such pain in his heart He decided to blow it up Explode the pain and alcoholism Everywhere Until the pages of those comics we’d read Were stained in a coat of tears That I’d cry from grief.
I kept wanting to write you Some kind of letter Even though I knew you’d never get it I typed and erased so many texts My fingers got tired And my brain weakened From this new found pain that I had never felt Losing you has made my soul melt And the only thing I hope Is that somewhere you are out there In the afterlife I don’t believe in Drinking your ale With the last sunset we never watched.
In vacant masks We hide the veins Where the sickly blood Flows within us Like a raging, hidden Flame divided Beneath a blanket Of expectations Of lacerations Of blocked Shocked Methods of filth
Where we can act As though we are better When someone leaves Or mistreats Or walks away Or makes them pay We sit with our hands Together like some morbid Altar boy drunk on Some misconceived Notion that we are Better.