All the pages of the calendar ran past
The fingers, arms, and face and the second counting hand
And for a second, I thought I had a real life plan
Then it turned out real life had a plan
I don't understand
Why
On the third time, these birthdays, for the first time
No head in the sand
I feel like a hundred grand saying "I am who I am"
Even without ionic, atomic, nuclear clocks ticking
I can feel I'm gaining time as the plot continues tricking
my mind and skin are thickening as I continue picking
and pricking the skin, like queen mab said
This world is a dream, sometimes its a nightmare
I'm happy, it seems, having something to share

We were two objects of no value flowing down a river.
We bumped into each other and the experience was jarring but unlike anything either of us could explain in words that fit on the two dimensional space in our minds.
That was okay, I didn't need to say anything and neither did you.
So that's how it was.
Two objects of no value that clung to each other and flow down a river and for a long while it seemed we would never need to find the words to explain how we felt.
Then that storm came and the waters of the tributary flooded the land between rivers and we were washed around with all the debris.
Before I could come to an understanding of these events the river had become unfamiliar and large and wild and I was afraid.
I turned to you to say something but couldn't think of the words.
As I struggled in the waves and searched for the words I noticed we had been separated just a moment before and you were clinging to a branch that had floated too close.
As the river flowed ever forward we grew further and further apart.
As I looked around in my panic the river seemed to never end in any direction.
I thought we may float so far apart that I would never see you again.
I had been looking silently in the direction you floated for so long that, were I too unfix my gaze I would become hopelessly lost.
You, or the dot you had become, were my horizon. all I could see.
Too scared to look away from the comfort of your memory, I gave up.
Motionless, I was on shore. I had been for some time.
I stood up, because it was only then I realized I had feet, which is something of value, and it was as if a third dimension unfolded before me.
I walked out of a river, lost and alone and in awe of this wonderful world which had just been uncovered. Free.
I sometimes think about those days when I was subject to the current of a river and how you made it bearable. Now that I am out of the water and with two feet, stand confidently on land, I wonder,

would I have felt the same about you if we bumped into each other here.

At midnight I was mid breath in a new day
It felt like more than a year of stay and wait
I called a stalemate with this time in my life
and here was a day to celebrate?

So I exhaled in a new year
It became clear it was only new for me
with the news that's on T.V.
There must be a reason that I just can't see

Something to steer me and drive me along
It materialized there while they all sang the song
I am alive and that is enough
My family is here and I am well loved
It came in the form of a pair of beige sandals
I breathed in and blew out the candles

Dreamin'
Always dreamin'
Always up while others sleepin'
Puzzle my eyes can't read the writin' on the wall

or the sun that set this mornin'
I said diets ******' bore me
She said fine just go get high and eat what you want

She reigns constant like reality
I'm washed backed in an endless sea
of champagne splashin' but it never ever hits the ground

This self induced imagination
Helps delay procrastination
if I don't get the guts up
we'll never even speak at all

Tryin'
Always tryin'
Though some days it feels like dyin'
to see you smilin'
pulling a cig back from your mouth

I'm just so in love with you
Well at least the love is true
I made it up
thats just my luck
Well, what can you do?

Do you feel a year older?
Surprised at my own reaction
I actually feel
older, exactly a year older
I'm freer in the sense that the chip on my shoulder is light enough now that I can call it a boulder
I keep my back strong
I weigh it down with the times that I used to hold her
Time
        like the flames that turned to smolder
A pile,
         just a number of molecules in specific orders
They're the tools that created order
A thought process that made me feel older
That made me feel older, but who delivered the order?
After I blew out the candle
                                     right before my eyes the number changed
Who said the words, who gave the decree, who said that I could be                                                                                                   older?
Why should I be so blessed to
be
older?

They feel eternal
These moments
More alive than I
Everyday the same
Exactly the same
They be the same when you die
These moments
they be eternal...............................


My mind sailed away again
(here again I set/smokin' a cigarette)
In these moments
I am not here to bear witness
(watching the branch of a hollow)
Yet they happen
They happen all around me and you
(When it moved just one step)
The pass as your laughing'
(how the willows had wept)
The move with such quickness
(and I was the last one to follow)
These moments