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Kelsea Jan 31
here is the thing.
I have you. I wanted you for a while. But now that she's here.
it's difficult.
she's great.
but
she won't defend me.
she doesn't show affection.
I sound ungrateful, I know
she lets me be hurt by the ones that don't love her.
I can't even deal with myself anymore.
so how can anyone else?
she still yearns for the love of her past lovers
she says "I need you"
"I miss you"
"luv u"
"gn"
:(
"I look for you in every girl I talk with"
*******.
I gave you everything.
ambition
attention
breaks
boosters
credit
congratulat­ions
Danishes, your favorite
determination
energy
efficiency
flowers
forgiveness
grac­e
gold
hugs
hundreds of homemade gifts
isolation
information
jokes
jams
kisses
kinetic sand, for fidgeting
love letters
leisure
myself
memories
nestling dolls
notes
openness
opal
prizes
praise
questions
quick texts back
rest
remedies
smiles
serenity
treasures
time
undivided attention
unconditional love
variety
videos
worlds of creation
worlds of destruction
X's
Xenial
yarn for your cats
yummy food and drink
Zen
Zealous
and you couldn't even make me a card.
so i never write and when i do its all blended weird
Kelsea Jan 24
I want you to listen to me
You hear me
But you don't listen
I call and shout for you to notice me
You tell me
"Quiet down"
Listen to me.
I want you to run your fingers through my hair
Like running your hands through the crystal ocean water
I want you to call me
"Mine"
I want to be
Yours
I want you to notice me
Only me
I am selfish
That is who I am
That is what I've become
I ate all the love and turn
Jealous.
J
E
A
L
O
U
S
What's wrong? They won't notice you?
What can you do about it?
Nothing!
Never!
Ever!
No!
I want you to want me
I want you to hate everyone else
But me
That's too much to ask I know.
I give you everything.
Gifts
Hugs
Care
Kisses
Reassurance
My body
My mental health
And what do you give me?
Worry.
That you have eyes
For another
They are perfect.
Stunning.
I am ashamed
I am fat
I am skinny
I am mean
I am kind
I am mature
I am immature
I am ugly
I am pretty
I need help
No
You
Don't.
Go **** yourself everyone says
That's just life everyone says
That's why I rather be dead
I try
So hard
No one knows
It's too much for me
I can't do it I can't.
I try so hard
But know one sees
I hate you.
Please love me.
Schools stressing me.
I want her to love me.
Kelsea Jan 12
You would lose a daughter
A sister
A best friend
A friend
An enemy
A cousin
A granddaughter
Would you regret the time you left me
Crying
After you
Screamed
Would you finally notice what I've been going through?
The rope around my neck.
The knife in my heart.
The river I jumped from.
The cliff I fell from.
The hole in my chest or head.
When my meds all disappear.
Even though it's not time to get them refilled.
Would you miss me every time you pass my room?
When you see my favorite snacks?
When you pass my school?
Calling my friends about what happened?
Framing the letters with tear spots and running ink
Would you think it's your fault?
Would it have mattered if I was never born
When the cat and the dog whine in front of my door
Wondering
Where's Kelsea?
Just wanting to cuddle and nap a few more times
Do you regret not saying goodbye?
How your words dug into my heart.
Where the knife now is.
Would you cry at my funeral
And invite all the people you chose over me?
...
You can't remove a grain of sand.
Without effecting the rest.
988.
Was the last call
In my phone log.
After the 14 declined calls.
From mom.
I've been struggling and it's really embarrassing.
If you know anyone or have trouble with suicide please call or text 988. It's called a crisis hotline but my therapists say it's for non-crisis too.
Kelsea Jan 10
It only takes
Half an inch
To lay your head
On my shoulder.
I'm trying something new and throwing in some love
Kelsea Jan 10
Dear,
Dear, the one you hurt me
Dear, the one who was embarrassed by me
Dear, heartbreaker
Dear, ex
Dear, whatever name you go by,
It's impossible to pass by you and act like you didn't betray me
You left me there
Crying in my bottomless pit
You left me when you knew I was struggling.
But all that mattered to you was not being seen with me.
Not being associated with me.
Being jealous of me.
You craved the touch of someone and something I couldn't give you
But you didn't have to leave me?
I hate you.
I miss you.
You set me up for failure when you told me my friends didn't like me
But I ignored it
Because we talked and texted nonstop
Our laughs echo in my ears from the night we first called.
Midnight snacks and sharing secrets
Quickly disappear.
All because of me.
Or was it really you?
I tried.
I did believe me.
Or not.
It's over.
It wasn't my behalf.
And we both know that's true.
So, was it you?
Or your jealousy?
One of my closest friends left me because she wanted a boyfriend and rather have him over a long term best friend. Your lies has been ringing in my ears whenever I think about you. You hurt me.
Don't let jealousy get the best of you.
TALK IT OUT.
Kelsea Jan 9
It's the feeling about ******* it
don't take it out of context,
when you try not the laugh in a quiet room,
feels like your throat turns inside out.
When you sob uncontrollably,
Just can't talk right
That's the feeling again of your throat turning inside out.
When you can't quite fix the hiccups in the silent room,
You get that feeling of your throat turning inside out.
Embrace the feeeeeling
It'll get you in some situations good and bad.
Kelsea Jan 7
A mother and a daughter
Is that all we are?
Is that how you perceived me as?
Or was it a troublemaker
A hard time
Annoying
Strong
Weak
Capable
Incapable
Smart
Dumb
Or was I just a roommate in my own home
I really am crashing out and I'm doomed
Kelsea Jan 12
Do you know who they are?
Or do you know their name.
Short but I hope ykwim
Kelsea Jan 11
When we text you make me feel
Loved.
Love.
Loved.
I bury my head in my pillow as soft as I imagine your chest being.
I smile uncontrollably and crinkle my nose Everytime we talk.
Everytime I feel the
Ëûphørīå.
My upsidedown smile you give me is no frown
It's simple expressing my love in my own language.
When you look though my rose color glasses it expressing how cherishing my life with you feels
This is how my one makes me feel and they just get me I really feel a spark. Who makes you feel like that? - 8:24 Myrtle beach SC
Myrtle beach
Kelsea Jan 11
What happens when you see the world through rose colored glasses is
Well
You ignore the red flags
Because
Well
They are just flags
Goes a long with my last one
You
Kelsea Jan 12
You
Would you notice me if I was
blonde with blue eyes?
Slimmer waste?
Smaller ribcage?
Bigger chest?
Bigger ***?
A thigh gap?
No rolls when I sit down and bend over?
Long pin straight hair?
Smaller shoulders?
Less acne?
Straighter teeth?
Pearly white as bright as the moon?
On a night when I ache for you.
Where I wish all my insecurities were gone and you could hold me till noon?

— The End —