I was 11 years old when I knew
"female" was not me
I never like wearing dresses or skirts
but as the first girl in the new generation, it wasn't my call
I was always a princess
I wanted to be a pirate...
a viking...
a wizard...
that's when I knew
and I blocked it
I procrastinated in my own  gender
now I'm 18 and I put my old beanie on my head
just to remember the feeling
I didn't know I was bringing it back but now immortal
3 days have passed
my eyebags are darker
and my hair is shorter
I want the scars beneath my chest
and my beanie on my head

The hours passed as eternity
A man in blue was fighting for life
Covered in blood that wasnt his
His body and mind were the walls of the saviors

The tears that were cried
The blood that was spilled
The sacrifice that was made
Are all the colors in the rainbow
Infinite wars for love and equality
You can see the highlight in the sky
As people dance with icons playing along
Diversity was written since the begining of times
It was put to some people  the hardest test to prove braveness
The fear to love will be no longer tolerated
We need somebody to call us "home"
We will resist, like we did in the old times
"WE REFUSE TO BE INVISIBLE" they shout
Holding flags and rainbows and colors and love.
Destroy traditions and create a new one
A new one where no one is afraid to be who they are.
"How can people hate this?" I ask myself
Dont hide away your scars
Instead show them with pride
Every king, queen, and leader has scars that are signs of a winned battle
We are warriors and we are comming stronger

I've wanted to ****
I've wanted to die
Sometimes at the same time
Sometimes not
Vioces that run the world
Based on a type of body
We have the same blood
"Blood that must be spilled"
Were you lucky with your gender?
Or are you just a girl?
Is your purpose to be silent? To obey?
No. Our purpose is to live
Be happy.
To laugh. To love.
Not fear
A perfect world.
Instead we want to ****
Or die

there was once a little flower
with a huge smile
sitting in the grass
with its yellow petals
singing a lullaby
waiting for some child to approach

the kind of power that it kept
it was nowhere seen before
not in a thousand years at least

it grew up with a ray of sunshine
but it was surrounded by darkness
so its heart was in the wrong place
it was confused

it owned the hearts of 6 kids
and with 1 more
the world as we know it

would end

"Later" was the word I said to my friends before I left
"Later" was such a peculiar way of saying goodbye
As coraline i will keep my friends inside a frame
Those 2 am memories of singing in the shop store when nobody is awake
Or the smell of the sheeds that we put in the window so the light wont come in
Just so we can watch a movie in the dark
Now I woke up alone in this motel room
I could hear the people in the room next to mine
And I missed the way I didnt have to worry about money or food
But my life has just begin

Her bob cut was not that bad
Inspired a 50's vibe that couldnt be forgotten.
The smoke that came out of her mouth
Like a demon in a gas station.
And the two sides of light were dancing in her face
Blue and pink, and pink and blue.
You could feel the colors and see sounds.
In the streets behind a neon sign was a paparazzi
Waiting for her like a lion waits for the gazelle
To liberate the thunderbolt.

What is your happy place?
A person?
An animal?
Your family or friends?
An actual place?
For me is an ilussion
Something made up
Non existing
I scape trought my toughts and fantasies
Im with my love
Hes happy. Happier than he has ever been.
He had tons of issues
Anxiety, depression, lonelines
...emptyness
Just to say a few...
He's showing me that IT DOES GETS BETTER
His smile is unique.
Pure.
He's not in the void anymore
He's happy.
And I'm happy when I'm with him.
It's amazing how something unreal can free you for a while
Then you remember the real world
A ****** up world
A world without him
And you try to fight back the reality and be strong for yourself and others
You keep holding on until you feel that it is getting better
And you are finally free

he's reading the newspaper
sitting on the couch
with a football match in the background
he is quiet
and peaceful
on the other hand
there's his wife
running in the kitchen
worried about not having dinner on time
it's like this
they are old school
the woman cleans, cooks, washes...
she does everything around here
while the old man just sits
and wait for the next meal

I wish I didn't exist
not even like a bee
neither like a tree
because those things are alive
and I don't wanna be
not with this

I struggle every day with myself
not to make terrible choices
I try to contain

but you can't expect something to be empty
if you keep filling it up
there was a moment where all I wanted
was the sweet relief of my friend
my mysterious  and old friend,  death
who seemed to walk around with me the past 2 years

I survived myself
but I almost didn't

I searched for happiness or at least control
with family
with friends
with hobbies

something

it did work
but its back
the emptiness and the black fog embrace me like no one else ever did
but this time
I like it

Take the cherries
As if they were yours
Jump from the house
Just to get a pair
It was just like living
Wasnt it?
In space or dreams you float
Ignore the gravity
And go take the cherries
The higher they are
The better they taste
A 20 thousand miles jump
Go walk the moon
Just for a touch
Of those cherries

Whisper me the secret of love
In and in
Take me back so I can hold you
I've never seen someone like you before
You make me feel another shade of blue
We were covered from the fog
No air can get there
Fog in my lungs
Fog in your pores
Fog in every piece of your core
Only in my dreams I could see your face before
Before I met you sweet was nonexistence
Sweet
Tell me your stories
Tell me your fears
Tell me everything that is in between
You had me
Take me back to the day I met you
So I can hold you

am I enough?

unable to help others

having my hands *******

it's making me worthless