Just 12, I looked up to you;
I expected you to show me right from wrong,
And I expected you to look after me.
To teach me how to fend for myself,
Because one day no one else would.
Instead you did the opposite.
You violated me, humiliated me, Scarred me
and made me afraid in my own home.
Your touch sent my body trembling
My skin crawling
Trying to get away but too petrified to move.
I felt disgusted
Not only with what you did
But for what I didn’t do.
I was ashamed
that I was too much of a coward
to stop you, or to try to.
I was ashamed
that I was to much of a coward
To take it to court,
But I couldn’t look at you.
I didn’t want to be in the same room as you
Because Just feeling your eyes on me
I felt stripped and vulnerable.
*****, bc i can still feel your hands all over me.
And I felt stupid- sitting there in the tub
Aching to feel pure again.
And for the first time in my life
I was scared to touch my own body,
Terrified to touch the same areas you touched;
But you touched every part of me that morning.
After finally getting the nerve to clean myself
I didn’t want to stop.
Yet no matter how hard I scrubbed
I couldn’t scrub away the feeling of your filthy fingers against my terrified trembling skin.
I pray that the things you did
Are engraved in your memory.
Because you knew what you were doing
And I did nothing wrong.
The things I know you’re capable of Haunt me.
I want that and the recollections of that morning to effect you in unimaginable ways.
I’m hoping it’s effecting you now
and I want it to affect you the rest of your life.
I want it to always be in the back of your head
And because I was too much of a coward
to face you in court,
I hope just the thought of what you did
to your little sister is enough punishment.
For me- that would be justice
And for that I forgive you
You don’t deserve it
But I do
Life would be so much easier if I was dead
But I’m not suicidal
so I have to deal with the consequences.
Not a poem just a morbid thought that crossed my mind and I found it funny
This apartment can't remember you because you were never in it.
This room you never stayed in
this new bed You never layed in
And with these new sheets
the lingering scent of you can't disturb my peace...
At 2am when you’re laying next to him
Im laying with my thoughts
Rethinking what I’ve lost
Overthinking what I’ve done
I wonder do you care for him
The way he cares for you?
Do you care for him
The way I do?
While he lays beside you
Does your heart skip a beat?
Can you even sleep?
Does he stand behind you
Looking in the mirror
Arms wrapped around you
“Look how cute we are together”
Does he feed you
The same lines he fed to me?
When all I want is to feel enough
I think “somebody better”
But my mind begins to wander.
I’ll bet your skin is softer than mine...
I’m sure he loves the taste of your lips
And the smell of your hair...
I wish he’d talk to me like he used to-
He is everything you hope for in a guy
and I had him for a bit.
He was good for me,
But in the end
I wasn’t good enough for him.
My heart is a black hole
Terrifying as it ***** up all the too great emotions for my wellbeing.
Sometimes, it seems too small.
seeming as if it will explode with enthusiasm.
But as it continues to soak up all things,
engulfing love & hate & everything stronger,
the bad outweighs the good.
I fear this black hole may be too big for me
& far too weak to sustain such precious things.
i think it may carry the power to obliterate everything wrong in this world if you let it. However,
I Let everything bad obliterate it instead.
I'm just a ****** person.
Full of bad puns, and chipper acts
whilst suffocating myself in nicotine
and choking up whiskey;
but I'm gonna love myself some day.
— The End —