Back then- as your younger sister I looked up to you; I expected you to show me right from wrong And I expected you to look after me To teach me how to fend for myself Because one day no one else would Instead you did the opposite You violated me, humiliated me, Scarred me and made me afraid in my own home Your touch sent my body trembling My skin crawling Trying to get away but too petrified to move I felt disgusted Not only with what you did But for what I didn’t do I was ashamed that I was too much of a coward to stop you, or to try to I was ashamed that I was to much of a coward To take it to court But I couldn’t look at you I didn’t want to be in the same room as you Because Just feeling your eyes on me I felt stripped and vulnerable *****, bc i can still feel your hands all over me And I felt ******- sitting there in the tub Aching to feel pure again And for the first time in my life I was scared to touch my own body Terrified to touch the same areas you touched; But you touched every part of me that morning After finally getting the nerve to clean myself I didn’t want to stop But no matter how hard I scrubbed I couldn’t scrub away the feeling of your filthy fingers again my terrified trembling skin. I can never look at you the same since that day.
At 2am when you’re laying next to him Im laying with my thoughts Rethinking what I’ve lost Overthinking what I’ve done I wonder do you care for him The way he cares for you? Do you care for him The way I do? While he lays beside you Does your heart skip a beat? Can you even sleep? Does he stand behind you Looking in the mirror Arms wrapped around you “Look how cute we are together” Does he feed you The same lines he fed to me? When all I want is to feel enough I think “somebody better” But my mind begins to wander. I’ll bet your skin is softer than mine... I’m sure he loves the taste of your lips And the smell of your hair... I wish he’d talk to me like he used to- He is everything you hope for in a guy and I had him for a bit. He was good for me, But in the end I wasn’t good enough for him.