Why am I here
What is my purpose

I thought this feeling of unimportance would dwindle after reaching adulthood

But, now it's been 5 years and I still cant stand being "here"

When does it get better
When do things stop hurting

When do the people I cherish care to stick around.

When do "friends" become friends.

These are the
darker days
Highlights have turned
into grays
Teardrops stain my
pillowcase
Maybe I'm not
thinking straight

But I dont want to be here
My mind is digging deeper
This pit is inescapable
I'm falling down an endless hole.

You're somewhat like a drug,
When I'm with you, theres a rush.
But every time we part ways,
I'm not left with very much.
This aching in my chest,
It's too hard to explain.
This pain filling my head,
Am I going insane ?

You keep calling me you're friend,
You keep saying that we're close.
Yet, you seem so distant,
So foreign.
You're just a lingering ghost.

My minds screaming I'm terrible
You're saying I'm unbearable
Alone again, my mind is dead.
What just happened here ?

I was holding on, just by a string
but you came and you pulled me up.
We laughed, you smiled
But then you wept
as you pushed me, off again.

You're feeling down
and it seems I just can't help.
I'm losing my mind
and this silence, how it melts
through my head, through my heart.
Sanity slipping away.
I'm hoping that you reach out your arm
before we fall too far
too far from each other
too far to save.

I was on the verge,
on the edge of it all
Standing at the cliff,
ready to fall.
But you've lulled me away
You've convinced me to stay.
I won't mind as long
as I can see your beautiful face.

I want to be like you
Deceptive, through and through.
Lying your way through this life,
Even your smile, is sly.

Your heart is decrepit
Nothing in there is true.
You've worn it out so,
Now its rarely put to use.
Teach me how to lie, like you.

The shine in his eyes has all but died
Drained of all that is good
Where it once was, filling the void
Depression and madness now loom.

Dying, internally
Only in the late teens
Who knew a midlife crisis could occur at 18 ?

You gave up,
When I still tried.
You gave up,
When I wanted "us" to survive.
For the past month I've been stuck,
In depression.
Over a girl who'd rather runaway,
Than try to find a solution.
Oh well,
I tried.
You're the one who gave up hope.

Enveloped in darkness,
Soaked in tears,
This once strong man is broken.
Slowly he stumbles,
Embracing his fears,
His haven, his love has crumbled.

Times are changing,
Sirens are blaring,
There's tension in every speck of air.
Our minds are bending,
What are we defending ?
Who are the real "victims" here ?

Did you break up,
or are you just on hiatus ?
Let me know,
so i can stop waiting.

If, in the end,
it is you and i
I swear to all gods
I'll stay by your side
I'll do my best, to keep you happy.
But for now, i will hope
That what i dream of can be our reality.

Don't worry I've figured it out
Somebody, got rid of your pout.
Somebody, that body isn't me.
Somebody, who has more ability.
I'll back down,
I'll back off.
I learned my lesson last time so I'll get lost.

Don't worry, I'll be just fine.
Just need to get some **** off my mind.
In the end, I could be wrong.
But I'll prepare for the worst, as i rip this ****.

I'm worried, what should I do ?
My brains overloading on the worst outcomes with you.
Many times before, when I've drawn the losing hand
I just want to win for once, before giving up & calling ******* on this sham.

Why do I see better when I dream ?
Why do these eyes blur when I'm not asleep ?
It's as if these dreams are where I'm meant to be.

I may seem strong,
I may seem bold.
Yet I am of the weak.
My strength is fake,
My boldness, fear.
A facade, so to speak.

The doctor can't prescribe me an escape from society,
A way to eschew idiocy, redundancy and ignorance.
So even though I'm not a doctor,
No degrees, claims, nor title.
I'm prescribing myself a substance.
One of which I deem fit.
So this is the reason,
As to why I smoke,
Cannabis.

People have always told me,
If you have nothing good to say.
Then say nothing at all.
So, now people wonder why I barely speak at all.

Each word of a poet
Carries things most cannot comprehend
Each letter bears a piece of their mind
A part of themselves.
Each phrase is important
Every word is precise

Unless of course we're just having fun.
With that
Enjoy deciphering our deep backgrounds
Or our satirical play on words and the mind.

I shoot up with the thoughts of you
I smoke to your embrace
You are a drug
My addiction
You are the thing I need
You keep giving me signs
And I hope that you'll stay
But I know you never will

Get me out of this place
This so-called "home"
This place where I'm pinned with all these accusations
Away from this oh so righteous step father
Who always says that I am selfish
Exclaims that I'm going nowhere
The man who calls me worthless and irresponsible
And speaks as if he's so much better
He's only where he is
Due to the adopted father
Who just happened to be wealthy
Paid for all his wants and needs
And created this thing before me

For some reason your words anger me
So much it's driving me insane
You argue with the same old things
Thinking to yourself that you are right
But soon enough you'll realize
That I was worth keeping around
Because once I leave
I'll cut all ties
To this ****** so-called "home".

I get these moments of clarity
Moments when I realize
That in the end I may be ok
Moments when I realize
Maybe someday she'll be mine
And for now
All I can do is write
So I've imbued my heart in my words
If she reads them
Well I hope she feels the beating in every verse
Im sure she has moments too
When she stops and wonders
If it'd be better if it was me instead of him
If maybe there was a mistake
Or if she even feels for me
So I guess in the end
Everyone has there moments, right ?

I sing to the moon
Hoping that you hear me
Like a wolf without a pack
You invade my thoughts
Live in my dreams
So I'm cracked up on caffeine
Trying not to sleep
Since I can't stand to see you, unless its real.
You're my insomnia
*Keeping me awake at night

I woke up this morning
And stared at the news
They said it was 2014
But to me its 2010
I am living in the past
Stuck in black and white

There's dust on these old emotions
They've been caged for so long
Can't tell if they're still broken
Since there's plenty of times I've been wronged
Not saying that I'm innocent
Or that I'm the most righteous of them all
But you're the one who said you loved me
And notice now that I am gone?

Everything you said seems to have gotten you nowhere
You still sulk and cheat
Like its getting you somewhere
I may have just been that easy guy
But at least take my advice
While you tell me that I'm worthless
You also give me a reason to write.

At one point you referred to me as your Romeo
And you were my Juliet
It seems we had our falling out
But have yet to see our last breath
Oh Juliet if you were here
In my arms, I'd hold you dear
What hardship we had faced before
Caught me off guard I swear to death
If I could have that moment back
You'd still be here with me
Oh Juliet I miss you so
I just wish I could make you see
I've watched you fall in and out of love
With so many other guys
If only you would turn around
And see I'm still right by your side
We call each other the best of friends
But if you knew, you'd feel so bad
Oh Juliet I'll hide away
All these feelings that I have
I'd rather see you happy
Than stressed beyond belief
But no matter what i do or try
It's not good enough since it's me
Oh Juliet one day you'll see
The words I write for you
And at that time I hope you'll know
Im still hit with cupids bow.

They say life is what you make it
Exciting and fun is the quo
But when you're as boring as i am
You might not get in at all
All I do is sit in my room
Blasting music, playing games and eating food
You may say that I'm a loser
But I'd say the loser is you
While you're being turned, corrupt and disturbed
By the worlds idea of "Perfect"
Im in my own little world
Content with myself
Not worrying about the things that you do
Hair, money, clothes nor good looks
I can do with what little I have
And I understand that people elsewhere
Would **** to just be where I am
So I'll sit and be happy
Not falling to greed
Just as the people become society's ******.

I just want to sleep and infinitely dream,
Is it so hard to ask for things,that are only fantasies ?

Some years ago he met a girl
She seemed so lost and confused
He should've helped her out
But he was stuck in awe as she stood in his line of sight
The most beautiful girl he'd ever seen
Was just feet away and seemed so serene

At this time he was so immature
Trying to think of ways he could talk to her
Maybe bump into her and call it an accident
Ask for help on some heavy assignment ?

Those were all good options but when the time came
He'd did the ridiculous to make her laugh
For days on end he'd ridicule hiself
Just to see that smile upon her face
It took a year of that constant routine until he finally asked her out

Now this is just the rambling of a children's love story
Normally it would end right there
"They were happy in the end" Is the usual end
But the end has yet to come
After 2 years of that the girl moved on
Leaving that boy to lie in his thoughts
Weird enough she still felt for him
So they were ultimately on and off
Confused and lost the boy wonders how she feels
As her signals seem to come in waves

The boy is now 17
Still in love with the girl
Yet she's off with some other guy
In books and movies the boy gets the girl
But keep in mind that in life
Things don't always work out as well

Hey, I hope you can hear me
I’m so close, but you won’t come near me
I’m sorry for the things that I said
But it seems my heart won’t rest
I’ll always be here, I promise not to move
We do somethings but I'm left with questions
But then again I realize you're taken
We have our on and offs
Honestly it’s so confusing
But I’m ok with anything if it’s you
You’re the one who can change my mind
The girl who I’d give everything up for
That’s dangerous, I know
You could tear me apart in one go
But I’m asking you please, let me in
Or let me go.
Because it seems I always fall for what I can't have.