for you i float
and then i fall
with my hands outstretched
the sun and stars are beginning to remember
and the moon became my bride who was afraid
when i kissed her she said
i know that you cannot be forgiven
but still she forgave
Hell is only hell if you allow it to be
I sit by the screen door
You see me looking out, I don't see you looking in
The heat makes my nose bleed
Never go to the shore alone
You may forget what it’s like to be in the company of another
And when the siren’s song grows louder
You may forget you’ve never learned how to swim
A childhood friend took a handful of narcos at 11:30 in the morning
When I ask her why she tells me she just wants to feel o.k
I don't ask her anymore questions
At 12:30 we both hop in an Uber
Her eyes flutter open and closed
"Don't fall asleep"
words struggle to slip out of her tightly clenched jaw
"But it feels g..."
Our driver looks at me through the rearview mirror
She doesnt finish her sentence until we arrive at our destination
I shove her arm hard
"Good" she says, and forgets to close the car door behind her
"What am I supposed to do if you pass out?"
"Yes, you will"
"I won't I promise, I'm very awake"
1:05 I see her slumped over in her chair while getting her nails done
I try to shake her awake
The nail lady glances up at me from over her glasses
"She's fine" I tell her, "I'll be right back"
I ran home and didn't come back
I ran because I didn't want to be questioned
I ran because I didn't want to be responsible
I ran because I'd rather leave her there than take her home knowing her parents would tell my parents
That was the day I realized I was selfish
A girl with blonde hair and brown skin cries in an empty parking lot
The Uber ride home is three dollars too much
And the Shell station would be her only salvation
But she doesn't look good under florescent lighting