Gemma 14h
It’s ****** you know;
Stupidity is dumb
And if I’m dumb you may as well give up.
Tears fell like my expectations
for you , I lost my patience
And in this situation, there is nothing
that i have really won.
I earned the truth ,nonetheless
Had to look for it and
unless you understand what its like to be repeatedly lied to then you’ll probably think its not that bad.
But I wanna go back
To pretending you don’t exist because now it hurts, yet you still insist that shattered trust is not as severe as a healed heart
I have to restart
As a fight with you was more peaceful than a fight against myself.
Gemma Dec 2018
You do not exist .
Breathless, meaningless, self absorbed intolerance
Draw bags under my
eyes and attempts on
my wrists.
I am content ,you know,
Something I'll cheerfully admit.
If depression was a lesson
I'd be a professional
But my profession would be part of my past
And I would have moved on to something I couldn't resist-
Self love.
It's taking a long time to learn this discovery
But I've come to terms that I won't settle for chosen
I want to be respected
And really there's no hurry because I'm moving with the wind and nothing can stop me.
So many distractions
And only a little time
And I'm really trying to try
And thank you thank you thank you-
Because I'm forgetting who you are and I'm feeling kinda in to this.
Gemma Nov 2018
Bien que je besoin de l'aide,
Je serai silencieuse ,
Parce que c'est tellement facile
Parce que je veux faire semblant que je n'existe plus
Parce que peut-etrê si j'essaye partir la pièce mentalement,
puis bientôt ils peuvent m'oublier aussi.
Gemma Nov 2018
Hit that girl where it hurts-
Remind her what she has done.
Gemma Nov 2018
Feelings are burdens after all
                   -   -   -
Gemma Oct 2018
When was I my happiest ?
A while ago I'd say:
My breakdowns hadn't become repetitive;
I didn't fear darker days.
I try and link my "peaks" to the people in life
Hold them accountable for my thoughts
But the boy I liked didn't pressure me to hate myself
And my best friend couldn't force me to smile;
Happiness isn't learnt or taught.
I'm scared my negativity runs in my veins
And the only way it will leave is by an escape-
A simple cut.
But then the cycle would repeat for those who had loved me
I cant create someone else's unhappiness-
The door of that story is shut.
So maybe I'll stop recapturing old memories
The ones that float freely around outside , at home , at school
Because people had gone and people will go
And I'm one hundred percent sure I'll be happy again soon.
Gemma Sep 2018
"Breathe for me...
You have nothing to worry about.
Oxygen in
Carbon dioxide out
Squeeze my hand if you can hear
Sit down if you think you are going to -----
Few more steps and you can forget your embarrassment:
So strong , I'm so proud , you're so brave."
But am I though?
Because their glares gleam weak,
their eyes deliver pity,
a grin , a laugh , I'd concentrate on their mockery for a few moments but my body is beginning to break into a million breaths.
I'm a pathetic mess ;
I can feel myself giving up,
the deflating of my chest,
the twist in my stomach.
Adrenaline, you've got to love it.
My brain is ready to start a fight whereas I can only produce half a sentence
then I'm done
down for the day
Recovering is the world's slowest reaction rate
And I'm never going to mend from the self-hatred my consciousness makes
Because I've always understood I'm not normal and that's fine
But the negativity created from these moments has made its way inside
So much the judgement stops me from breathing
My confidence has truly died
I'm sorry I'm not what you want
I know this isn't what you need to hear,
I apologise that my happiness appears forced
And my smile doesn't match my tears.
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