"Breathe for me...
You have nothing to worry about.
Carbon dioxide out
Squeeze my hand if you can hear
Sit down if you think you are going to -----
Few more steps and you can forget your embarrassment:
So strong , I'm so proud , you're so brave."
But am I though?
Because their glares gleam weak,
their eyes deliver pity,
a grin , a laugh , I'd concentrate on their mockery for a few moments but my body is beginning to break into a million breaths.
I'm a pathetic mess ;
I can feel myself giving up,
the deflating of my chest,
the twist in my stomach.
Adrenaline, you've got to love it.
My brain is ready to start a fight whereas I can only produce half a sentence
then I'm done
down for the day
Recovering is the world's slowest reaction rate
And I'm never going to mend from the self-hatred my consciousness makes
Because I've always understood I'm not normal and that's fine
But the negativity created from these moments has made its way inside
So much the judgement stops me from breathing
My confidence has truly died
I'm sorry I'm not what you want
I know this isn't what you need to hear,
I apologise that my happiness appears forced
And my smile doesn't match my tears.