Just so you know,
when I start answering in one-word sentences,
I am sad again.
It's probably not your fault,
but even if it is,
I will blame myself.

Just so you know,
if I pretend to be sick
because I want to go home,
it's because I'm not ready to fall apart in front of you;
performance anxiety.

i wish i had told you that i hate caper
or about that summer when i was 10
and stayed hours over the sun
trying to do a tattoo with lemon juice
or that i had spent hours telling you
all of the memories i have from my mom
and about the day my brother died

you know so much about me
but i wish you knew me better

maybe you would have stayed longer
maybe not

who knows

Marks on my body that ache and burn
Shadows that cover my frame
Cause me pain even when I'm laying still
Fade within a few days
Some stay as if they've found a new home
Upon my marred exterior
A crushing within my chest
A harsh graze against my delicate skin
Leaves a bruise
Another part of the collection

I will not be hungry
I will resist eating
I will be strong
I will not give in

Eating is weakness
Eating will hurt me
Eating will bring me shame
Eating will make me ugly

But then I eat
And then I purge

I purge until I’m empty
I purge until I’m clean of guilt
I purge until I’m clean of disgust
I purge until I feel nothing but bile on my lips