I've lost it; my crown
As it falls to the ground
It's just making the sound
Of "boo"s in the crowd
and in them I just drown
A self-proclaimed king
that's been unmasked as a clown

I grew overconfident
thinking I was the best
Rhyming just came easy
It was a gift, and I was blessed
But it kept growing harder and harder
to get the feelings right from off my chest
And I just grew obsessed
I could feel the building up of stress
I couldn't find the right words to express
lost my gift of rhyme, oh who would have guessed
I always taught myself on top
but I was losing to the rest

One of my poems got declined
without any explanations
I'll admit that none of these new pieces
have been meeting expectations
Maybe I've been running out of patience
with all my creations
I seem to have been lacking creativity
when I think and lay down all the foundations

My poems need raw emotion
To be able to reach farther
So I'll drain every thought
I'll even talk about my father
Describe how he'd get drunk
and abusive towards his daughters
While his son was just a coward
afraid to step in as he attacked his mother
I'll talk about every ******* thought that filled with horrors
and all the dread that lingers here and bothers

Maybe what I need is to drench all my rhymes in pain
That's what brought me fame
to slid open my wrist, squeeze the ink from inside my veins
That's what people like
poems they feel they can relate
they say they've felt the same
And again they'll cheer my name
say the king's back in the game
That I haven't lost my touch
that I'm still ******* insane
Then no one will ever doubt
Why this throne has engraved my name

Sometimes I miss our past... All the phone calls and Kisses...
I miss the late nights and secrets... All the hopes and good wishes...
But recently I stopped caring and I'm not sure what to do...
Because life goes on without those things... Without love ...Without You.

But it feels numb... it feels like living without meaning
Give me all those moments back when you turned my
heartbeat into screaming
Erupt all of my senses with just the slightest touch of skin
Give me what you give him, tell me it's alright for us to sin
Lie to me...tell me he's not the reason for your smile
That your being with him is just a test for me
That you've put me through a trial

Because...
Life goes on
But I can't go on...without you

There's a million different ways for me to tell you how I feel
But I always seem to choose the worst way
I've been trying to build up the courage to tell you I still I love you
But I can't seem to find the words to say...
And imagining his hand caressing up and down your skin
Is making all my sunny days turn gray
Your smile still gives me strength ..maybe enough to find the will
And tell you what I need for you to turn my way

Then again... This... Might just be a phase...
A fluke. A lemon. An emotional wave...
These bipolar feelings are driving me mad...
I love you... I miss you... I want you so bad...

Eventually, though, my thoughts of you... will wither away...
You'll find another person to brighten your days.
What's left to say? I've pushed you away...
And what's more my insensitivity, by you, has been repaid....
I know deep in my heart I'll always miss Us...hate that I withdrew...
But to free myself from this misery... I must remember... Life goes on without You.

I need to scream
But can't seem to get these words out
It's hard to breathe
And I can't seem to shake this doubt
I'm feeling weak
My pain still lives within this pencil
Hard to speak
But I hope I can Repent still

It's hard to see
Heavy rain's falling from the clouds
It's hard to hear
With this thunder shouting loud
A scattered Breeze
Keeps hitting like a Knock
A steady Beat
Like ticking from the Clock

A torn up sheet
Still haunts me by the lamp
An Awful read
With its envelope and stamp
Hard to believe
The contents of your letter
Our mother's gone
When just last week you said that she felt better

How can it be
A complication with her heart
Wish it was me
This is tearing me apart
A horrid dream
I'm swallowed up by fear
Mamma don't go
Because I still need you here

If I close my eyes all I ever see is you
Drown the world in black and deprive the sky of blue
Deep down I always sort of knew

My heart will dance despite its bruise
All I have to do is let you in
If I close my eyes all I ever see is you
And just take all of the abuse
Kiss me, hold me then throw me after I've been used
Deep down I always sort of knew

Close your eyes and tell me who you see
Say my name regardless if it's me
If I close my eyes all I ever see is you
A shame that you could never love me too
If love gives you wings then it's no surprise I never flew
Deep down I always sort of knew

The days of bliss have become few
How could I ever move on to someone new
If I closed my eyes all I ever saw was you
Deep down I always sort of knew

And so If I
Hold you up against the wall
And press my lips against your neck
To try and feel your heartbeat resonating
Through your arteries
To see if your pulse is constant or a wreck
Would you move to push me off you
Or would you move closer towards my lips
Would it be wrong if we indulged in this
Even though for now you're his

And if I
Bit down on your lips
Pressed my tongue inside your cheek
Would it make you hate me
Would it make you weak
Could I take your breath away
Make it hard for you to speak
Give you all of my attention
Pretend that you're unique

If I
Slide my hand above your knee
And pull you closer by your thigh
Will you drop the innocent look
Stop acting like you're shy
Or will you continue to pretend
Say that I'm nothing but a friend
Act like this will be the last time
When you don't intend to let this end

You're so beautiful
When your cheeks are blushing red
When you look directly in my eyes
With an expression that can't be read
And look where all of this has led
You're lying in my bed, just like I always
pictured in my head.
Your body shivers with excitement
Though your tears are screaming "dread"
Maybe its the breeze you feel, the
windy chill, from hiding in this shed
Or is your body breaking down
It's been three whole days since you've been fed
I had to punish you somehow
The other day you almost fled
now I feel misled, you turn down my love
And run instead
You cry all night, you wont eat bread
You shout and fight and hit your head
against the frame of this old bed.
if only you listened to
Every word I said
There'd be less pain
It's better now if this goes my way
So just play dead

I've reached the end
my brain can't think of words again
I've lost my connection with my pen
But these demons are still inside my head
And won't disappear as I count down from ten
I'm lost, afraid.. And every now and then
I contemplate... to get relief
By cutting up my veins

Drinking won't take away my pain
And the sun won't dry away the rain
But the thunder keeps calling out my name
Its roaring, screaming in my brain
It's driving me insane
Repeating it over and again
I'm looking at this mirror
With no idea who I am

I'm trying to collect all the fragments that remain
Of who I used to be, before the demons made
my brain into their domain
And I might be crazier than them
Because every day I feign
A smile so that no one can complain
That I'm the kid that is broken and alone
With no one but myself to blame