I guess,
That after you
I just didn't know
How to feel,
Or what to do.

I guess,
That I won't be able to fill
This empty slot
That's taken up my soul.

I wonder,
If my head and my heart
Will ever love the same,
After loving you.

This wasn't the plan.
We were Bonnie and Clyde
It was us against the world.
But back then I was blind,
To all of the complications and obstacles
Did I give you up too easily?
I just wanted what was best for you
You deserve someone better than me
That's why I had to leave

I started wearing contacts
and you didn't even notice.
You texted me an apology, saying
I'm your only one.
Telling me you love me
But face it, we're just angsty teens.

Tomorrow's a new day,
I'll be halfway across the country
Your lips another memory
And your eyes a faded photograph
Letting go, is harder than I thought.

All I want
Is another blueberry smoothie on your rooftop.
While the sky is changing colors
Purple and blue.
Like we used to do
I realize, I'm missing you.

My body's moved away,
but my brain hasn't moved on.
Whatever happened?

The summer breeze,
now a winter storm.
Oh purple and blue,
It's just blue without you.

breathing your CO2 was better than air.

before You i was not living
You gave life to me
from the roof of my head
to the tips of my toes

unused to the sensation of genuine care

everything is vibrant and colorful when We are together
but when We're apart i'm drowning.

suffocating in the oxygen

i was never into all that crazy ****
or going back just to take a hit
let's give it up for the kids that are lonely
the ones that are scared
real friends so uncommon
so fake i'm convinced they're mass produced
currently trying to find my way out
partying on a weekday
i don't care if i get laid, or laid off
i'm finally breaking out of my shell
xanies with the girls in the bathroom
lines of that powder
and they say it's all right, harmless.
it's all harmless.

its distorted your brain
and now we're both insane
you're drowning in your whiskey
and i'm drowning in the pain
call me when you're sober
baby text me when it's over
the high says that you love me
i'm in constant discomposure

I don't know how to explain this feeling
If you can even call it that
It's more like how to describe someone devoid of feeling
I lack the capacity to demonstrate emotion

But then does that mean that when I cry it is just for show?
Or is it that my body reacts externally but not internally?

I guess it's difficult to explain something you've never had.

You had a beautiful soul
Our memories are so cherished
Your time I didn't want to
     waste it
I felt trapped in our relationship
I broke you and for that I'm
     so apologetic
Wasted my time, phantom feelings
     and alcohol don't mix
You're the one, that I wished
     I missed
Messing with your emotions
     was never my intention
I think I just craved for
     some attention
My affection I couldn't give
     you
Fake and shallow it would
     have been
Lies, the Bible tells us,
     are a sin
I truly did want to
     want you
But my heart was too dark
     and twisted
We had our opportunity, and
     I missed it

Rippling pools, uneasy minds
These days, is all I've come to find

forever.
eternal.
ever-lasting.

our love was like a fairytale
we crashed into each other, literally
but crashes leave huge devastation.

i should have known we weren't going to last,
but hope kept me going.

you were never available
and i was always there

you said you would always be there forever,
i guess forever is five months

because eventually i fell
and you weren't there to catch me.

Your brown eyes were always so colorful
Your lips so warm on my skin
Your arms so strong holding all my breaking pieces together

But the colors in your eyes paint a ****** image
The words coming out of your lips were knives that made me bleed
And those strong arms of yours no longer kept me together, but tore me apart.

fake smiles
hide the pain

our eyes
tell our stories

and I,
have gotten
so tired
of living like this

I've been alone
for too long
loneliness leads to silence
silence has a harsh voice
mother of monsters
destroyer of hope

Don't fall asleep
with your eyes half closed.
You're looking at me,
like an animal.
Oh don't you see?
It's a miracle.

That we're standing here
Face to face
You're my greatest fear
I'm looking you up and down
and left and right
But I'm not getting used to you
My breath hitches, I'm in trouble
I can't breathe, and I'm seeing double.
I close my eyes
Count to ten
And you're not there
I realize
I should've known
You wouldn't care.

I can't fall asleep
Knowing you're not there
I'm looking for you
In all the wrong places

I can't breathe
Life isn't fair

I'm realizing now,
There is no easy way out.
The truth hurts, but it empowers
My life, my struggle
Your life, your trouble.

broken hearts and broken mirrors
hanging on the wall
falling stars and rising angels
coming to demolish them all
all the dreams and promises
made to us
by all those loved
every time i see you
i can’t bear the weight
your eyes were my fatal medicine
they cured all the pain

now it’s all gone
now it’s all torn apart in pieces
now i stand alone
alone i am strong
alone i forget all the wrongs

acid to keep me company
hallucinations distract me from the pain

fatal medicine on the counter
my days are numbered
i can’t wake, not from this slumber
the walls cave in
and I can’t find myself
there’s no one to blame, i did this to myself
blood on the walls
windows stained with horror

my mistakes weigh me down
the price i have to pay is high
but i have nothing
so i’m gonna have to say
goodbye

This one time,
you were home and so was mom
Mami and Papi,
we were all "happy".

You left for a while,
that's what I've been told
but you came back,
for me, for us, because we were a family

And then we left you
we went with our other family.
That's how I thought it went down.

But things are never the way I think they are,
because maybe if I were able to get things right everyone would have stayed

I'm your eldest daughter,
and I'm the least important.
One phone call every two or three months is hardly enough to keep a
father-daughter relationship don't you think?
But I got used to this.
I got used to not expecting much from you,
because if I were to expect anything I'd just end up hurt, like I was when I was five.
and six,
and eight,
and eleven.

I've never asked you for anything, ever
but I really needed this, I don't want to go back to the beginning.
No thought, effort, or emotion was put into this.
And I'm not sure what I'm more angry at,
the fact that I had hoped that you would send a note
or the fact that you didn't.

But you know what,
It's ok,
just run off with your trophy wife and replacement daughter.
I'm fine on my own.

Forgotten?
Is what I'll be tomorrow
A faded memory in the back of your mind
A distant echo in your dreams
Too far away
Never here to stay
We knew it from the start
Every second passed is a missed opportunity
The things we never did
An never dared to say
We missed our window
We missed our chance
The door was wide open
But I let you in
Gave you the world
Made you my world
And you let me go.

don't mind me
i'm just a ghost of past memories
in the back of your mind
the could have beens
would have beens
never were

thats who i am
thats all i am.
which means,
that's who you are
it's all you are too.

I want to see your face
One last time
Before I, say goodbye
Once I leave,
I'm gone forever
And once I'm gone,
You'll see me never
Ever again.

So enjoy this while it lasts
This is hard, but it'll pass.
You're lonely.
But you're better alone,
Than in bad company.

Unexpectedly,
she fell
one moment she was fine,
enjoying life
and the next she wasn't

Innocently, she believed that past mistakes wouldn't be repeated
she forgave those who betrayed her without hesitation
and her eyes were lively and playful

She was naive
and that is why she fell
history repeated itself
and so did her past mistakes,
those who had wronged her before, wronged her again
and her eyes were no longer lively and playful
they were guarded and careful

The first time you asked me if I trusted you, I said "yes"
The second time you asked, I said "it depends"
But when the third time came around I answered with a "no"
Because after all this time, how could I trust someone who lies, and omits, and only speaks with half-truths?
Someone who hides their feelings deep inside never to be revealed?
It's not that I don't want to trust you, but you don't trust me
And I can't risk another one of your betrayals, because it would **** me

I'm trapped in a glass prison
Isolated.
The red tears falling down my cheeks
Tears of despair.
Tears of anger and frustration
But nobody sees inside the thin glass.
It's only me.

temporariness
is one of the most scary truths we must face as humans
everything in our lives is passing
the hair on our heads
the stain of a sharpie
even the sun
is temporary.

will your love for me be temporary?
will it fade when the collagen in my skin weakens
when my eyes no longer sparkle as they used to
when there is nothing left but an ancient soul in a frail old woman
will it fade then?

in short, what i am asking is
will your love be unlike everything else, and stand the test of time?

everything I write is filled to the brim with mediocrity

It wasn't worth it,
everything we went through just to be together,
those Four Months of Hell.
Your previous lovers, your precious ogling fangirls, our difficult, busy schedules.
All those obstacles and yet we still tried.
For what?
For this?
This ****** excuse of a relationship?
I'm sorry for the brutal honesty,
but honestly? I'm glad we're through.
'Cause me and you might work on paper,
but reality's a different story.

I've resorted to doing
anything to numb this ache in my chest
to trying anything to fill this hole inside of me
I've tried it all,
drugs, music, ***, art
and
nothing. works.

What was once green...
Turned red...
And is now dead...

the music filling my ears,
with melodies nobody wants to hear
crescendos intensifying the sound and emotion
the lows, the highs, setting the tone
a story is told
beginning, middle, and end
different interpretations, but everyone has the same understanding
deep in their gut they know,
it was tragic-
the last note got cut-off, a cliff hanger
an incomplete symphony,
unfinished poetry
we'll never find the truth.

long black curls cascade down my back
******* eyes with no humanity

mature for my age you called me
said, it's like i understand much more than i should

but if you were me and i were you
you'd understand all this stuff too

not my childhood
not my adolescence
kind of like a limbo
but still a crucial part
of who i am

i always knew that i would leave you
i didn’t know it’d be this hard
the only thing thats getting me through
is the thought of someday seeing you
once again
oh once again

where did you go
i can’t find you
i’m right back home
but it isn’t home anymore

people change
and so do places
but i’m still rooted in the past
the world is moving fast
yet i stand still

you always knew that i would leave you
you didn’t think it’d be this hard
i don’t know if you miss me
i don’t know if you care
about me, anymore

i’d like to stay at the door
if you don’t mind
it helps me cope
reminds me of cold winter nights like before
i left you
like before
i left you

I feel stupid.
Only I could be this naive
You're not to blame, I was so deluded
And now I'm left to grieve
Over all the could've beens that never were
What should have happened and never did.

"To exist in this world one must know pain.
Because to exist is to suffer."

i had plunged into an inescapable pit of darkness
there was no light penetrating the opaque veil of absolute black
there was no escaping the immense feeling of desperation that came along with the pulling vacuum
the darkness penetrated through all,
and it was the beginning of the unfadable misery we had tried so hard to evade
by doing so we had only prolonged our own suffering, which in effect caused the tragedy of human decline

everything humane,
feelings, emotions, living instead of just surviving
all ****** in by this vacuum
and all that was left were creatures that looked like humans,
but their heads were shallow

they were so consumed by greed that all else was secondary
betrayal and lies were all that was left
the only things keeping “order”

but when the truth came out
so did chaos

we walked through the city at 2 am
it was calmer then
but still not calm
what else could one expect from the city that never sleeps?

we tripped in the park at 3 am
i was dizzy
you were clumsy
we fell into each other like two forced puzzle pieces

you walked me home at 4 am
i invited you inside
you took me up on the offer
neither of us remembers what happened after that

how come you and i can only be together in the solitude of our shared intoxication?

The devil takes the crown
The walls to heaven tumble
Civilization begins to crumble,
and there's no longer a difference from wrong and right
What once was left is now right
slipping away, falling into depression
and I can't find a way to save myself