I am swimming in an endless ocean
At the mercy of temperamental waters
My effort dictated by an apathetic sea
The volatile storms give reason to my struggle
But when the crashing waves cease
And the tide is still
I wonder why I am even swimming
There is no land in sight
No clear direction
Yet if I desist
I begin to drown
Sometimes I just hold my breath
Sink into the depths of despair
Just as I am ready to accept my demise
My toes brush the jagged coral
I mustn't rest on this bed
Or I'll sleep forever
Suffocating
I muster what little energy I have left
Launching off the seabed
Ascending through the pain
Gasping for air at the surface
Relief washes over me
I have escaped the jaws of death once more
Only to end up back here
Swimming in the endless ocean.
This poem depicts the struggles of suicidal depression. The way each day can seem like you are constantly at war with yourself just to maintain your sanity and repress the thoughts that try to take over. The bad days often better than the good because you have a justifiable reason to feel bad. Often you get tired and can want to sink into the dark place rather than fight it, but it can get so bad that you are ready to give up. Usually, at this moment you find a reason to survive and carry on. When you have reached rock bottom, it's either do or die. You work to pick yourself up and put the pieces back together, start getting out of bed, eating again and exercising, only to end up back where you started, fighting each day just to be ok.