Secrets in my mind
Some you cannot seem to find
Looking for my pain?
For these you cannot obtain

Ever since you left
I've felt hooked on ****
On the inside I'm dying
For some reason I am still crying
I still miss you sadly to say
I think about you every day
No amount of drugs
Could ever replace your hugs
No amount of alcohol can erase this
No one else has the same kiss
All I have left of you is thoughts
And the memories that put my stomach in knots
Everything reminds me of you
And all the things I wish to undo
You are still here to me
It's like you won't let me be
Even though  your a 1000 miles away
Your still with me in the school day
I still sit and wait
Even though you're full of hate
I still think of you as my mate

When the smoke clears
After all the pain and tears
I see your struggles and fears
But the end is not near
Take your own freedom
And sit on the throne of your kingdom

On and on the same feelings
Day after Day
They build up inside me
I strive to control it
Before they burst
When they burst Im not myself
I feel the weight of the world
The people, the feelings, and my thoughts
Going through life I strive
I strive for greatness
I strive to be everything you want
I strive to be perfect for you
I strive to be strong to take away your pain too
I strive to make you happy
There is a hunger inside me
That only goes away when you are truly happy
Like I knew you once was
But its his loss
I gained you in my life
I wish you could tell me what you want
So I may make it come true
I strive to make everyone happy
Everyone but one person
That person doesn't matter to me
That persons hurts me sometimes
That person controls what I see
And that person is me

Where the cold kills
The north land thats give chills
Where the tearing wind scars the ground
Nothing not even a sound
Theres not a thing alive  
Nothing can survive
A place where the sun doesn't shine
Where death and cold combine
After the thick frost consumes
You will be frozen in time, doomed

Come with me threw this old abandoned door
I left it open I could have swore
This passage to whats stirs in me
The things that must not be set free
Open this door, this cage for me please
I know you have had all along, the keys
Go inside and take a peak
Of the great evil and pain I cant defeat
The pain that I locked away
Comes to consume me like prey
I lose Myself a little more each time I fight it alone
Go to where I have shown
The beating ****** door
Where my heart lays torn
Go there
Before I tare

.
                                    On this wild ride called life
You can go down low and up tall
                                     Go through a major strife
Or have a day where you have it all
                                         But there will be times
When your ride almost crashes down
                                                  Just remember these rhymes
And remember who holds the crown

Whisper to me agin
How life was back then
When nothing would hurt
When all I had on me was dirt
Now that life is real
And not as happy as it was
I can't seem to heal
But I gotta press on because
There's someone that cares
She's a person that knows
She helps me when I start to ware and tare
And when life really blows
I see her and I'm bright
I feel full of might
When she holds my hand thru the flood
And afterwards we play in the mud
So I gotta stay strong
I must stay brave and tall
For nothing can be wrong
When things run up the wall

I will fall due to this law
This mystery called gravity  
Not something I had saw
I am a tale of depravity
Your gravity is so strong
Yet everything I do is wrong

I never grew up with a coin in my pocket
I wasn’t born with all my bones in socket
No, not even a full hearted boy
For that I didn’t see much joy
I would cry out in sadness and pray
And to this day, I don’t know what to say

I'm falling apart again...
From the fear that runs in my veins
The fear of the worst
The fear that will make my heart burst
I think things thru 100 times in my head
On how to cure this dread
Try to understand how this fear hurts me
It feels like I'm drowning, I can not breath
It feels like burns to my soul on 3rd degree
Like I'm bout to have a sudden death
All I can do is scream
"Wake me up from this dream!"
A dream where I have so much feelings of sad
But no where to hide and cry, it drives me mad
I cry out for help but no one hears me
I'm bleeding out for help but no one feels me
Nobody really cares, nobody really knows
I don't think you mean to harm me I suppose
But this fear you give me sometimes
Goes on in my head a million times
Twists my thoughts around
It gives me paranoia that brings me down
That this fear cuts me inside
And this fear is losing you

A new season is flowing, and the grass is growing
A new day will rise, and the pain we feel dies
A new trip is upon, and we will leave at dawn

You have come back, why?
Wasn't it enough to see me die?
Wasn't it enough to see me consumed by hate
You led me to this fate
I can only blame the enemy I see in the mirror
You convince me bad thoughts clearer
You made this war
Now it will be you who is tore
But, I feel that I am lost
I have to get myself back at all cost
But I will not **** you
I need you though, you have a role
There's no dark without light
Not like this though, you are out of control
So I have to keep the fight
Me vs. Me

Do heroes follow fools?
Or
Do they make their own rules?
Do heroes sin?
Or always win?
Are heroes brave?
When the day is saved
Who do we have to owe?
When peace is a no-show
Who shows us the light?
When they start to fight.
For everything that is right.
Who turns your life away from a zero?
A hero.

A cool day outside
Where the dark clouds hide
Sitting against a tree sap
With a rabbit in your lap
The meadow is far
From you to a star
As the wind blows
An endless day it shows
Blank thoughts fill your head
The same thoughts you cannot shed
No amount of outer peace
Can make what’s inside finally cease

After every battle that has raged
I think about how my life has aged
What have I become, what have I done
I stop running and lay down my gun
But I don't want it the end like this
I would rather it end with your sweet kiss
I sit on the cold ground, sore and sick
But getting back up that's the real trick
You see life is worth fighting for
But half the time that's my problem in this cold war
Maybe I should give up on this game called life
Now that all I have to fight is myself and a knife
I don't know why I have to be strong everyday
It's all been feeling like black and grey
Getting worst and worst day by day
All I can do now is pray

Looking at the lone star
Wondering how far
From me you are

You are light as grass
Yet fall so very fast
The wind will be your guide
There is no need to hide
Show your bright spring green
To all that have seen
Your deathly feelings of fall
Stand up as a tree, tall
Let your leaves show
With the wind blow!

Shut your mouth
Take your crap head south
I will not stop now
I will figure this out somehow
This won't be my end I vow
I will push on to be my best
While you'll go south I'll go west
I don't need to walk far on this earth
To find how much I am worth
I am as powerful as I let myself be
So I will give you to the count of three
Head down south while I’ll go west
There is no time to rest
My destiny is in my hands
You will not stop my plans
For you cannot win
And I cannot lose

I rest my head
After being fed
I see the moon
Sleep is soon

I am strong on my own
I am weak, when it comes to you
The pain you share, to me isn’t fair
I am strong enough not to lose
I am not strong enough to win
An endless struggle of pain brews
Nobody close has any clues
Unavailable to close you out
No matter how hard I close in

I am different on the inside
The pain is amplified
Its sad to say this pain is killing me
But its sad to say this pain is keeping me alive
It is my fuel that holds me back
But keeps me on track

I am different on the inside
My heart is tied
Held down by the metal
It keeps my feelings unsettle
To the point I wish I couldn't feel
Im not on the outside steel

My thoughts don't need to recharge
They stay in my data large
I think more like a machine
Caught in a smoke screen
Wasting away  
Into the grey

Why do you frown?
Why not be like a clown?
Turn that frown upside down
There is so much to know
Just go with the flow
There is so much to do
Just smile all the way through
And you'll be happy too

Think of it like a bunch of dreams
Where nothing is as it seems
The wind blows on the green grass
And suddenly everything stops going fast
Flowers come and flowers go
But my love never fades though
It is peaceful out, it is perfect
The blue sky looks like you could surf it
Maybe that's where I would rather be
But it's not where I belong you see
My place is here with you
I hope you can see it too
Just as the green grass comforts me
There are days still full of glee

Back in the day
I think the month was may
Everything was in a hurry
So its very blurry
But, I do sometimes remember
Even back now three years later in September
(laughing) I remember everything
But the memories only add to the sting
The sting of losing you to me
Like flashes, I see
Two young teens
That both had good means
Everything was right it seems
We were making dreams
He healed her heart
She showed him love
Nothing could tare them apart
Like a hand putting on a glove