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Huda Dec 2019
The hard, bitter realization of losing a love you've tried with all your power to save, you've lost it a long time ago but you've kept on trying.. over all the power that beholds you.. When you realize that was wrong of you because now all the memories you have left is the last bitter ones.. of the saving and losing and not the the sweetness of the beginning.. I can humbly say that I tried, beyond meaning.. I tried.
But now I have no choice but to give it all up.
It's time for the last goodbye.
For finally letting go.
unfortunately.. It's just..
The End.
Huda Nov 2019
أسوء من أخطائك البريئة
هو مواجهتي لك..
ثم  تكرارك لها..
مره..
مرتين..
.إلى نهاية السبعين عذر و بداية سذاجتي
أرى الهجر بكف و الصبر بكف..
وليلى يصرخ..
هجرٌ جميلٌ والله المستعان!
فلا جمال في الصبر الغبي.
و تُقْبل أفكاري الخبيثة في أول الصباح
و يمضي الصباح.. و تغرب الشمس..
و لا تمضي أفكاري ولا تغرب.
Huda Oct 2019
My skin is ripping because my monsters are getting bigger, my troubled mind is exploding and my soul is reaching for the stars.
Am I going to survive this? I've never doubted surviving but this time is different, this time nor my monsters or my soul want to fight. We want to rest, they want to rest, I.. want to rest. I want peace.
I don't want distractions nor I am looking for them, I don't want friends nor I am looking for them.. That's exactly it, I am not looking for anything nor I am looking forward to ****. Unless it's peace but I'm not looking for that either. I am just waiting for it.
Huda Jun 2019
There will always be a knock
there's always a new stranger to knock
for a conversation
for a glimpse of your brain
for comfort
for a safe place
for reassurance
for a deal
for your heart maybe..?
but not all of them is love sober
some will knock to find what they've lost
for someone like her
for an exchange of fake feelings
for fake druken words
for a touch of lust
for a distraction of their mind with yours
for visions your brain might not have the colors of
for one stroke on your strings, of a song they've played before but is completely new to you.. you might be intrigued, but you shouldn't be
I've been knocked
knocked at
knocked for
knocked out
but I never let just anyone in.. Or do I?
Once upon a new constellation in the sky, in a new side on the moon I've never seen, a new shade of black when staring directly into the sun, that has always been blue and purple..
I walk to the door to knock, and there you were already knocking.. I've been hearing these church bells for a year now, I've been feeling my heartbeat sing along to it, a different knock, a sober knock, a new knock that I couldn't resist opening the door for, hell I opened all the doors and all the windows for, I opened my heart, I kept my mind open, I was completely and utterly open and I sang along.
But I knew it was bad, I felt fear and fear and whole lotta fear, but nothing could stop me because you're here with me and you are singing along, you were singing along..
Where did I go wrong? I keep forgetting people can have a change of heart, they change their mind, everything changes in a short period of time and it makes my lungs so tight and my knees weak.. because it's never my change of heart. It's never me. I don't know what the **** is wrong with me but I know that it's time for me to knock on other doors.. because I am not accepting new visitors
I'm knocking on a door..
for love that I know doesn't exist
for reassurance
for sweet little lies that makes me smile
for the final exam of all the lessons I learned
Huda May 2019
بل النور واجب اخر النفق و يرحلون و ترحل بعض من عقلانيتي
يرحل خليل و لا ترحل ذكراه معه
و يرحل خليل ولا ترحل  وعوده معه

و انا يا صديقي تهمني زخارف تزين طبقي
فالجمال حولي يجمل يومي
و لا تأخذني ذكريات كانت بيننا
الا لنفق عاتم الظلمة
و يرد عليها عقلي
بل النور واجب باخر النفق
تعلقي يالنفق

الشمس توعدك بالشروق في كل غروب
و تعود بدفئها ووعودها الصادقة
تعلقي بالشمس
لا تتعلقي بباتسامة خليل
بل تعلقي برب العباد
Huda Nov 2018
Nov
Overflowing flame, November has always held spontaneous mountains for me, above me.
Sinking with the drain, holding on to what I claim is mine, bigger loneliness comes from that.
I told you my true name, but I say it once.
I can paint pictures, I can burn half of the world with my mouth, but only if I used the right words.. which is never my strongest suit.
Your hands slip from mine, you fold them and go to sleep, I fall asleep with. We’re not in the same dream anymore. I’m still doubting life and if this is one of life’s jokes on me.
The wind is heading my way, it passes your wrong thoughts to mine and mine to the trees.
Look me in the eye. Look me in the eye.
Am I an accessory or am I a segment of your imagination? Maybe we’re an idea.
Huda Aug 2018
يكويني تكونك فكوني كوني
الا في تكونك يكتمل تكوني
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