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Mar 11 · 26
Void
I've lost my friends
I don't think I'll find them again

Does it matter who was wrong and who was right?

I've gone to sleep without words from you for the past couple of nights

On the outside things look fine

But sooner or later it'll get out
you're no longer comrades of mine....


But I wish you the best in life and
it ***** you're no longer apart of mine
Hey why don't you come this way
Don't mind the mess in my room
It's only to match the state of my head

Disarray feels like home to me
My life's a mess
And it feels like home to me

You can come a little closer
I won't bite, unless that's what you want
And it's on your mind
kinda like mine

How long have I been dead
It's a little sad how I desire this dance
How long have I been empty
It's a little sad how you're here with me

Can't you see I'm searching for my purpose
I'm a lost cause
Mar 3 · 128
Real friends
We're bonded not just by words
but by the truths
and
secrets
we keep for each other
Sometimes
I'm not so sure of the end
But I vividly remember where it began
I knew of nothing
And then,you were there

....I'm...in...my....
Head

They say home is where the heart is
So I'm homeless, so I'm homeless
And they say don't think about it
But I'm broken, but I'm broken

Viewing from another angle
Trying to catch what I've missed
I need a friend
These thorns won't *****

And I'm back in my head.....

They say home is where the heart is
So I'm homeless, so I'm homeless
And they say don't think about it
But I'm broken, but I'm broken

Oh,what did I do...

Went to the doctor
For what I can't heal
Went to the carpenter
For what I can't build
Went to the church
For what prayer couldn't despell

I'm in my head.....again
This nightmare won't end
End of a sweet dream
As reality sets in.....
Feb 24 · 30
Hey tiger
Ive always wondered if I said it because it was said that's what you should say

Sometimes I wonder if I really believed I would never change when at the time I didn't wanna stay the same

I never noticed never noticed never
never noticed ever
I wish id known this wish I'd known this wish I'd known

On second thought
ignore all that I just said
I've caught Peter Parker fever
swimming through her air again
;)
Feb 11 · 304
Anyone can lie
You're only as real
as the amount I see if your soul.
The sooner you accept
that they won't see you for who you really are
the sooner you can bottle it all up
and
pretend to be who they want you to be
There was a sun
Not enough time to wonder where the clouds went
My friends said I still don't hang
I picked time with you over time with them
Only because this was a different kind of light
I got a chance at a different kind of sight
A world where hope wasn't just a word others told you to hold
I ended up swallowed in what was and not what it had become
The clouds returned
And then again, came the rain.
Jan 5 · 41
through the mirror
In this moment I noticed
it was rare I'd have a hopeful response

My greatest belief was in disappoinment
against my will I lost faith in hope

And until it comes true
your words will always be false
until you make it come into fruition

The seeing was my believing
Dec 2018 · 33
An experience
Like an empty cavern
This hollow secret place was once barred and closed off

Till you stepped in like a miner
with your lamp of words and touch

You turned this place into your home
little did I know, day by day
You'd dig in close
And chip away at me
more and more

Till the day you cast me like a die in a game
I couldn't yet know I was to be a pit stop
on your road to find a place to go
I was not the knight that had come to rescue you, if only it were so
I went from being a lonely soul
To now understanding what more the world could hold

I know it wasn't the end goal
But my naivety
Left me without a way to know that I would be
a paper castle in a storm....
Dec 2018 · 39
The deepest feelings...
Depths of the mind
Feelings arise, and fade
Like a wisp of smoke
Something peaks over the horizon
A conflicting emotion

Along the lines of something and nothing
Amidst a battle of my dark
and the yearn of a glimpse of your light....
I'm not alright
Sometimes I feel like a spectre
drained of all my joy like I'm at a party for dementors
Ooo sometimes I feel so restrained
ooo sometimes the prison is my brain

Patronus
I'm phoning
please come light the way

Patronus
I might be folding
I'm trying not to lose your face....
All the ones that have become before
Have become teachers in lessons I didn't know I was taking part of

Accidentally entering classes where I learned of

Love, ****
Smiles, distrust
Guilt through temporary fun
Beauty and how tears can tear apart the fabric of a fabricated realities

Now I only want to be a scholar who puts their education to good use

Can I show you the results of a combined effort, and thank the ones who matter?

Can I be what they never wanted someone else to have

To you?
If you get it, you get it.
The faults of men (males)
And the sadness they create
With the words on their tongue
or tone in their voice

The way he touched her hair
how his hand lingered there
as nostrils flared
and you knew when he was close
It wasn't the scent of you he inhaled

The sin in his eyes
and how you could see it begin there
Before anything awkward began

The fault of man and how his soul glittered in the back in his eyes as you wept and stared
and let you know......

You were no longer mine.
Nov 2018 · 93
Questioning Love
What exactly, is love?

A flickering candle that can be snuffed,
or a volcano that can only erupt when there's too much pressure on it...?

What is true and what is pure?
Does it count if it's out of hate or spite?

Does the spoken three-word saying, actually mean anything?

Can you have it and so easily take it away?

If that is so....then whats the point?

If you know it to be true in your heart, if you want it, then why avoid it and pretend it never existed?
Nov 2018 · 123
Self Reflection
Night time was my life and I didnt care about anything outside my room

All that existed was me and my loneliness, and I didnt care about anything.

You couldnt see me

I was a shadow, a ghost in this world and I had lost my voice from never having to say anything
I was by myself and nothing else mattered.

I would see the outside world but I was so inside myself, that nothing else mattered anymore.

My stare was devoid of anything you could understand.

I was nothing that you could want, nothing that you would need

Slipping through the world as all my feelings were bottled up, everything

bouncing off the corridors back and forth in my mind
I was hidden in my mind

And now that Ive opened up, all of me, it overflows

All I can say is, from what I was, all I need is my mind and my heart

And ever since I got a taste of what Ive been missing, I cant go back

Ive tried but, I cant go back...
me
Nov 2018 · 62
Technologic messages
Eyes scan the memoirs of an existence through numerical sequences

The conquering emotion is sadness

My heart flickers down onto the scale
teetering between hope and damnation

Oh,the weight has been heavy

May you find someone with wings
in time,to bless you with better dreams.
Nov 2018 · 64
raindrop
A raindrop from the sky
A cruel mimic
of what happened to my heart
How far it fell when you left my heart

Im slipping away,
I just hope you're going through the same

The same way
right to the bottom of the sea

Like a raindrop from the sky
Old feelings and old things
Nov 2018 · 51
Teenage years
I wait, you show
I smirk, you smile
We walk, hands reach
Grab hold, just joy
That's lovely.
Just one of those things
Nov 2018 · 238
Under the Influence
Judge you when we're high
Judge you when we're high
You're a creature you're divine
You're my comfort love you are fine

I will judge you in my mind
I will judge you in my mind

You're a story you're a lie
Educate me when you smile
Beauty thank you I'm high
Darling thank you that I'm high

So I could judge you
in my mind
So I'll convulse you
In my mind
So I could love you till I die

Fully in my mind
hope you like it, wrote this today
Oct 2018 · 57
Not you, just the feeling
I don't wish to have you back
Only to feel that same lightheartedness, without the weight of the world on my shoulders
because someone special
was
just
here
When you just miss having a someone
Oct 2018 · 182
Jester
I laugh
I laugh until I feel
I won't break anymore
And then I laugh some more.
Humor is coping
Oct 2018 · 53
Depression at it's finest
....No one really makes me happy anymore
More like half smiles to a face broken in many places
by unfallen tear streaks
and frowns
Emitting noise just to see if it would be heard
Saying I love you, just to see if
I believe the words
coming from my own mouth.
I said I'd stick around
but those machines inside are running
down
down
down and soon the energy
keeping me up
is going to run out
So I should start running now....?
Old piece
Aug 2018 · 304
Untitled
The way she looked at me
you couldn't capture that in a picture. It was like secrets shared that brought countries down quicker.
Aug 2018 · 75
Night thoughts
Lay awake and sing along to the songs you like to sing
Hit repeat

Feel a sting, unexpectedly
Which it makes you think
about how such a beautiful thing
fell and crumbled at your feet

Looking in a mirror
I can only blame the one looking back at me
I need to sleep, I need to sleep
But Im too scared
to dream
Aug 2018 · 131
Substance
Substance.
Without all is lost.
Nothing is attracted, just always subtracted from the equation
With too much, only an equal amount in turn, can balance out the scales.

Substance,in many I find lacking
Staring into the mirror
it becomes more evident
that I myself,
may even be without.
Old ****.
Aug 2018 · 97
After the loss
You provided all the serotonin I needed
To say I had become dependant on you,
was an understatement.
Now its back to pills and lesser things
night time visits with regrets and memories
I think it explains itself.
Jul 2018 · 166
When a Habit turns to pain
I raise my hand up to my ear
Empty without my phone
Maybe it'll happen tomorrow
is what I said about yesterday's tomorrow, because

This is when you would call
This is when you would call
Was told of the end that comes to all good things.

Have you dialed my number only to then take your hand off the latch
of a door where something made of be us
Grunts and screams and moans and pleads

Who do you say "Hey there",  to now?
Did their day make you smile?
Laugh in sync?
Did you pause in mid sentence as your eyes saw the time?
Because....

This is when you would call me
This is when you would call me
Why can't you ******* call ME?
***** when what you're used to doesn't exist for you anymore
Jul 2018 · 280
Personal explicit thoughts
Don't be just **** or *****.
Trust, **** gets old real quick.

When you wonder why nobody wants more than that.

Especially when there's options and people always have them. Morals and Ethics delay that.

Be more.
Have substance.
Switch the norm up.

People are fickle and there's always someone out there with either completely better qualities and skills or unique skills you are unable to obtain.

Dont stand at the shore and not make waves.

Be the kindling that makes that fire burn bright, you know?

And if you don't understand what the fire is, that could be another reason.

Because it's possible for any light to go out.

Don't let it get to the point where you have to cup your hands to keep away the final breeze that takes it out.

<3
If you get it, you get it.
Jul 2018 · 107
Shine
And for a moment, you were shining, and you never saw it.
But I did.
Its been long, since Ive seen that shine.
I think you lost it, when you lost yourself.
When you got stuck in a rut,and I had to move.
You knew it right?
That I couldnt be the one for you and I had to move.
But for a moment in time,you shined.
Did you glimpse mine, when I turned from you?
I missed mine too, right?
Yeah I think I did.
My light.
Seeing something special in someone
Jun 2018 · 104
Confliction
I've walked miles in these shoes
Not many destinations were places I'd choose

Hard to say exactly who I was back then
When footsteps disappear in the sand

A mirage of an oasis in the distance
More like a long ago wish

I can never shake this feeling
That I'll ever truly obtain an outlet

So I just type out confusing puzzles
In order to get out feelings in words

Just to explain who I am in a world like this
It is what it is
Broken, battered and bruised but still
walking down this path , of course you'd choose....
Yes, you came for some advice
I faced you away from that abuse
Yet you'd rather be a tool
Instead of treasured, only used
Reached to save you once again
But you slapped the hand I lent

Pity is a fools reprieve....
Naivety is a strong belief
Your god was never heaven sent
A false idol by which you've bled
Your god was never heaven sent
You've wasted life on a broken wish

Every time you told me no
Every time you stayed, I failed
It was in the way I loved you
In these wasted steps I took, I felt
That I would always burn in ****
The promises that you would leave
Were always my fool's.... reprieve...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For anyone who's ever known a friend or has been in an abusive relationship and either never listened to the chances to get out, or ignored them until you listened.

Inspiration : Sober by Tool
Jun 2018 · 99
My love
My love is.....skeptical.
My love is warm.
My love is the sun behind the clouds. My love is a drizzle before the storm.
My love is the breeze in the air.
My love is that wave of nostalgia.
My love is the boom of thunder.
My love is what makes your heart beat faster.
My love is an explosion on a race track.
My love is a 10 car pile up with hours of delay. M
y love is war. My love is peace.
My love is icy winter.
My love can melt.
My love is yours.
Clearly about love. Lol.
Jun 2018 · 109
Something from 2016
I'm the kind of ****** you would be if you didn't have distractions, see?

A dedicated glutton
as the feast is always full of things that make it hard to breathe
and sleep.
I really, don't know.
I see the sun
I see the sun......again

When the wind blows
When the wind blows, I smell you

Overcast, my emotional weather
I thought it would always last
I thought it would never pass
Couldn't break free,I was stuck in the past
And all the advice I was given
I crumbled it up like wasted flyer paper
Fell out​ somewhere between my hand, pocket
And garbage cans
Couldn't move these clouds if I tried
Shadows and rain falling only on and around me
Kept my head down to keep the water out my ears...

Just kidding, they were tears

Cuz who am I kidding
If I wasn't overthinking my next step
I was contemplating sui...sin...

Till a light.....
And then

I could see the sun
I could see the sun again...

I looked up and saw you.
A lyrical interpretation of swinging from a dark mood to a lighter one.
Absence is a way to remember me
I wonder if that's just what you think

Your actions tend to get a reaction
Shocked when it isn't what you expect it to be

Think about it all
Before you blame it all
On me
Can't see you're in the wrong
Thinking it's okay for this to be

Contrary to popular belief when I speak on these things
I know the world doesn't revolve around me
Just kinda tired of the come and go folks.
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