I miss him

But I miss the him that used to look at me, and saw nothing less than his galaxy.

I told myself I liked peace
but the chaos is exhilarating.
I run from problems to let the animosity build.
I keep quiet to infuriate.
I plant myself in equations where my presence isn’t wanted.
Anger fuels the quiet
Words drench the flames

a woman looking for a tongue!


they said your voice should not be heard
we need a woman without sound
then I asked my god
o lord, do I count?
and he answered me in short
raise your voice and shout
they said we need a perfect doll
walking and stopping when we want
but I am totally tweety bird
so, I whispered: no, I cannot
they said the good girl knows how to
close her mouth
she always pretends to ignore seeing
revolutions in the north
or in the south
the good girl used to crawl
she must hide the bright side of her soul
good girl hasn’t any right
or even fight for her vote
the good girl could not contemplate the faint light
in the middle of the road
they said we need a plastic woman
but, I act like a real woman
so, they cried “be shy”
but, I insisted to fly!

Why...
                                  I ask myself,
Why can't i be good enough?
       I'm either too quiet or too loud,
too energetic or too dull, lifeless...
        I'm too nice or too mean,
too dramatic or too emotionless, numb...
       I feel everything or i don't feel enough...
                     Why...
     Am i never good enough?
   I love myself yet i despise my existence...
                     Why...
Is it that the only person who thinks I'm
                                                                ­           enough,
    is the person who deserves the world,
                                                          ­           the world i can't provide...
  But maybe he can show me that for once,
                                                           ­                 I am good enough...

I love him.
I love him so much.
And it hurts so bad.
I don't deserve him,
But I need him.