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Jul 23 · 142
Candy
Honeybee Jul 23
Her lips like candy
Her eyes like the sea
And the way
Her cheeks turned rosy
When she looked at me
Hey I have an Instagram now
Just letting you all know. It would mean a lot to me if you followed me
Jul 14 · 251
Yellow Mars
Honeybee Jul 14
The yellow queen
Died within the stars
While her only love
Was buried below
The ground of Mars
I have an insta now!!!
It’s just my poems with backgrounds and drawings and stuff like that
I got it to just get my creativity out on another platform
It’s   honeybeez_poetry

I’d be really grateful if you’d follow it but if not that’s cool too
Jun 28 · 44
fallen
Honeybee Jun 28
two fallen birds
both broken in hearts and wings
brought together by a twist of fate
and with hope and grace
learned to fly once again
Jun 22 · 43
Flaws
Honeybee Jun 22
Everyone has flaws
It’s the people who admit to those flaws
That I truly admire
What are some of your flaws?
Mine are that I’m impulsive awkward and a little rude sometimes.
But it’s okay because I know that and I can still be me with those flaws
Jun 10 · 267
hands
Honeybee Jun 10
the thoughts in my mind
are more suffocating than
the hands around my throat
May 26 · 92
Hard work
Honeybee May 26
Dreams are realities just waiting to come true
It only takes some hard work and passion to make it a reality
May 24 · 39
A Perfect Summer
Honeybee May 24
Dandelions upon your head in the shape of a crown with rose petals to match
The smell of strawberries and sweet citrus rolling through the grass
The taste of sour lemons going all the way through my mouth and down to my throat
Your smile as inviting and friendly as the summer breeze
A light sun shower prickling the top of my slightly warmed skin
Giggling quietly until we can’t contain our joy any longer
Feeling like I belong more than I ever have before
Sadly not going to happen this summer
Because ya know the whole pandemic thing going on
May 12 · 47
If I had a chance
Honeybee May 12
You know those times I asked what if I gave  up mom?
What would you do if I’d actually given  up and it worked?
May 12 · 40
Pills and Cliffs
Honeybee May 12
You know that the world seems so nice and the people seem to treat you so well and they all want to be your friend
That is until you let a little bit of your crazy show the they tell you how much of a freak you are and how your better off dead or how you don’t matter and that your worthless and stupid
Then when you end up trying to **** yourself or they accidentally see the bandages on your wrists or they by chance notice that your wearing a hoodie in a hundred degree heat
They do one of two options
1 they try to be your friend out of pity or
2 they throw you to the ground and bust your lip open then tell you ten times more often that your a freak and a thousand times more often that that overdose you tried last summer or those times you ran away from home and was so ******* to close to either walking into traffic or jumping of a cliff should’ve worked
To be honest where I come from it’s usually the latter

And quite frankly the more times they tell me all of this it makes it feel worse than death and it gets me thinking that those suicide attempts should’ve worked too
May 2 · 99
Guess What?!
Honeybee May 2
My mom always tells me that being positivity is a choice
But it’s not like I get up in the morning and want to hate myself
No one wants to wake up and immediately think of death
No one wants to go through the day with barely enough motivation to stand
No one wants to get home from school and cry for hours
It’s not like I want to be up all night having flashbacks and anxiety attacks
But guess what mom?
That just how my life is!
And there’s nothing you can do to help me
I’m a lost cause
So just let me give up
Please
Just please
May 2 · 1.5k
Books
Honeybee May 2
I’m somewhat like a book except
I have a perfect cover
And torn pages
Apr 28 · 518
Privilege
Honeybee Apr 28
“Living is a privilege”
Then please like you take all my other privileges away take this one away too
Apr 18 · 70
Good Enough
Honeybee Apr 18
I know I’ll never be good enough
But that doesn’t mean you have to point it out to me everyday
Like I get it
I’m fat and Im stupid insecure and worthless
But you are supposed to make me feel the opposite
Your my stepdad for ***** sake!
My mom loves you
Your family loves you
And you know it
But you already have kids
And I know I’m not under that category
I’m just my moms daughter
Not yours
Apr 18 · 156
Untitled
Honeybee Apr 18
I can’t bring myself to eat right now
Probably cause I know if I eat
nothing good will happen
I’ll still get heavier
I’ll still be insecure
I’ll still throw it up
So I’m just not going to eat
Because no positives will come out of it
Apr 17 · 404
Anorexia
Honeybee Apr 17
Some people count calories
Or sodium and sugars
But I have nothing to count
Because I just
Don’t eat
I used to not eat at all
I’m doing better now
But I still feel really insecure whenever I eat
Apr 13 · 173
Friend into Family
Honeybee Apr 13
I may not have been able to pick my blood family
But my chosen family
Is the most important thing to me in this world
Apr 13 · 38
my chosen sister
Honeybee Apr 13
The day she came
Was the day my hope returned
We’re not blood related but she’s my family nonetheless
I love her she’s the best
She understands me in ways no one else could
She’s my inspiration in poetry
And in my life in general
Apr 9 · 162
Suck it Up
Honeybee Apr 9
I’m always there when others need me
But when I need someone no one seems to be there
I usually just tell myself to **** it up
And it’s not like I don’t have people to talk to
It’s just in that moment I feel like I’d just be bothering them and should just keep it to myself
Apr 4 · 637
I’ll be dead
Honeybee Apr 4
I’m used to being abandoned
But one day it’ll stop hurting
And when that day comes...
Apr 3 · 115
Warriors
Honeybee Apr 3
I like the term warrior
Rather than survivor
Because I don’t feel like
That I was ever a victim
And survivor makes it
Sound like I was weak
At one point
I’m sorry if it’s just me that thinks this way
It’s just it’s always bothered me when someone called me a survivor
It makes me feel like they pity me
They shouldn’t pity me
They should instead be inspired by what I’ve been through
And hopefully be proud that I’m still alive and (mostly) well
Apr 3 · 69
the truth
Honeybee Apr 3
just because i’m broken
does not
mean i’m weak
so don’t treat me
like i’m a victim
Quite the contrary It makes me stronger
Apr 2 · 511
Colors
Honeybee Apr 2
She was the colorful part of my black and white world
Apr 1 · 47
HAE
Honeybee Apr 1
HAE
I feel like there’s a big dark red balloon welling up inside my chest
My blood is pumping in the wrong places
Fluids going into places where it hurts and stings like bees repeatedly stabbing me
I get sick to my stomach and throw up not even forcefully there’s just so much pressure on my organs that it feels like they’re being crushed
My throat getting tight and my tongue not being able to fit in my mouth
Pains in my rib cage that feel like they’re stabbing my lungs and it won’t stop
Being sweaty but shaking from being cold even though it’s 100 degrees outside
Feeling so tired that my vision gets blurry
It comes on so quick but too slow at the same time
It hurts so much
Yet if I complained I’d be told to **** it up and move on with my day
even though when my mom has an episode she gets help and has time to feel better
But I don’t get the same
I named it HAE because that’s the blood disorder I have it’s pretty rare so it feels like no one understands
I mean I haven’t met anyone who has it other than my mom but like I said she gets the special treatment because she has it “ worse”
This isn’t even my only deadly chronic illness
It *****
It really really *****
Apr 1 · 225
Prison
Honeybee Apr 1
I’m tired of feeling like my mind is an inescapable prison
Apr 1 · 49
Safe
Honeybee Apr 1
I want for someone to hold me and love me
And I want to be able to feel safe in their arms
Mar 31 · 57
I need an answer
Honeybee Mar 31
I ask myself everyday



Why am I so ****** up?



I still don’t have a valid answer
Mar 29 · 58
Never
Honeybee Mar 29
My parents have been asking me if I want to go back
Back to the place that tore my down on so many different levels
Back to the place that shattered me
The place that turned that sweet little girl into the broken and aggressive one that they see today
Back to the place that was so terrifying that no matter where I went it haunted me day and night
The place that was so exhausting but so terrible that I could barely sleep at night
Back to the place that was so awful that I felt the need to **** myself
The place that made me feel that the only way I’d get out is if I died
The place that I lived in for twelve years but will make me question everyone for what they want till the day I am six feet under
The place where I couldn’t even go to school as an escape because it was just as bad there as it was at home
Back to that hellhole that was run by my father



The place that I will never go back to
I may not know much but I honestly feel like that my parents are trying to get rid of me at this point
I’m sorry if I sound like a whiny brat for writing if I do just let me know
Mar 24 · 68
X
Honeybee Mar 24
X
i don’t even know why I try to be fine anymore
who am I even trying to please?
I’ve already hit rock bottom
I’ve lost everyone
I’ve given up on everything
There’s no point in trying to be okay anymore
Mar 24 · 71
Very Stupid
Honeybee Mar 24
Being alive
Being happy
Being confident
Is something that I thought I could achieve at one point
Now I realize that was a stupid thought
Mar 24 · 203
Oceans
Honeybee Mar 24
My emotions and thoughts are just like an ocean
And I’m drowning on the last bits of the boat of insecurities
And I’m barely surviving on the lifeboat of being “fine”
Mar 23 · 70
“leave me alone”
Honeybee Mar 23
i can’t go on anymore



save me



i need help



don’t leave me



stay



please I can’t do this anymore
The thoughts behind the words

Show me that you care enough to stay
Mar 23 · 74
Forgiveness
Honeybee Mar 23
I forgive others so easily
My abusers
Forgiven
My bullies
I don’t blame them at all
My demons
It’s not their fault I’m suicidal
The people who have left me
I would leave myself too if I could

But when it comes to forgiving myself
I just can’t


Why is that?
Mar 23 · 41
Words
Honeybee Mar 23
They’re important
They can change someone
For better or for worse
So if they’re so special
Why don’t I have any?
I guess I just can’t explain it
Honeybee Mar 22
There’s a difference between living and surviving
And I’m on the brink of death
Thanks for your support
I’m trying to write again
It’s just hard. It’s nice to know that people think I make a difference though.
So yeah I’m trying
I’d appreciate it if you guys stuck with me while I’m going through this episode of numbness and depression
But if you don’t want to that’s okay too
Mar 15 · 54
Numb
Honeybee Mar 15
I’m just sitting in my tub
Not taking a bath
It’s actually completely dry
Just sitting
Thinking
Crying
I’m trying to write I really am but it’s really hard
When I feel like this it’s hard to even get out of bed
So I’m trying
Mar 13 · 656
Lonely
Honeybee Mar 13
I feel so
A imless
L ost
O bscured
N eglected
E xhausted
I’m kind of just lost right now
Like is there even a point in writing?
It’s not like it makes a difference in other peoples day
I kind of just want to stop
Not just writing but just everything
Mar 12 · 288
PTSD
Honeybee Mar 12
I can still hear his voice
Telling me how worthless I am
I can still feel his hands
Over my throat
choking me
I can still see the blood
Dripping to the floor
From where he cut me
I can still smell the beer
On his slurred tongue
I can still taste the iron in my mouth
from where he would punch me repeatedly

I can still remember everything my brain allows me too
Whenever I see or hear something that reminds me of him
I immediately break down
Mar 11 · 232
When they hurt me
Honeybee Mar 11
It’s not like they can do anything
That hasn’t already been done to me before
Mar 11 · 90
My scars
Honeybee Mar 11
Them: I don’t see any scars
Me: why would I leave scars where you can see?
I saw something like this. And thought I would twist it up a little and post it here
Honeybee Mar 11
Most people have something to show
Something to be proud of
Awards
Medals
Certificates
Scholarships
Jobs
People they’ve met
Fame
Fortune
Love

The only things I have under my belt are
Scars
Hospital visits
Knowledge on how to hide blades and matches
Knowing my way around rules at “facilities”
Random facts about suicide rates
Knowing hundreds of painful and sad quotes off the top of my head
Heartbreak
Being overly knowledgeable on things like PTSD, depression and anxiety
ME teaching the professionals on mental health’s tricks and coping skills
Already knowing every single ******* thing THEY teach
Being able to get around the cops questions without any trouble
Being able to convince my friends and therapists I’m “fine” in a matter of minutes
Being able to cry without anyone noticing
Being able to change to subject so **** easily
Pain
Anxiety
And being able to recite every little ******* thing people have been trying to drill in my head my whole ******* life without a second thought
This is probably my hardest thing I’ve gotten out like ever
Sorry if this is too much for or triggering anyone
I just needed to get this out on a safe platform

Being open here without anyone judging me has been so refreshing and helpful
Thanks to everyone 😊
Mar 10 · 84
Questioning Life
Honeybee Mar 10
How am I supposed to say what’s right
When everything is wrong?
Mar 10 · 347
Bullying
Honeybee Mar 10
They say that staying quiet isn’t the answer
But I’m not looking for an answer
I’m looking more for a way to be myself and not take everything they say to heart
Mar 10 · 59
Emotionally
Honeybee Mar 10
She said she was leaving
But I’m already gone
Mar 9 · 80
say you love me
Honeybee Mar 9
if i told you i loved you
would you say you love me back?
Or would you just laugh in my face and call me a freak?
Mar 9 · 59
Unheard
Honeybee Mar 9
Cry as long and hard as you want
No one will hear you
Because no one is there
I feel like sometimes I’m completely alone and no one cares
Mar 8 · 76
Drowning
Honeybee Mar 8
I can’t drown my demons
They know how to swim
At least THEY know how to swim
I can’t swim like at all
Mar 8 · 73
No one
Honeybee Mar 8
I just want to die
For only one day
Just to see
If anyone would care


And if no one did
To make my death permanent
I saw something like this and thought I would twist it around a little
Mar 8 · 70
Worlds
Honeybee Mar 8
You were the world to me
I just wish
You could’ve seen
You were enough for me
Mar 8 · 85
Anxiety
Honeybee Mar 8
Tears are streaming down my face
Clinging to my jaw
I can’t talk
I can’t breathe
I’m just waiting it out
Using my so called “distractions”

But even after fifteen years I still can’t seem to properly handle it
My anxiety has always been a huge issue
But there is a lot going on
So it’s been worse lately
Mar 7 · 446
Claws
Honeybee Mar 7
I try to scream for help
But I can’t
It feels like claws are running up and down my throat
Suffocating me making me unable to even let out a sob
So I just sit there in silence
Not being able to breathe
Not moving a muscle
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