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Honeybee Apr 2021
I’m always there when others need me
But when I need someone no one seems to be there
I usually just tell myself to **** it up
And it’s not like I don’t have people to talk to
It’s just in that moment I feel like I’d just be bothering them and should just keep it to myself
Honeybee Apr 2021
I’m used to being abandoned
But one day it’ll stop hurting
And when that day comes...
Honeybee Apr 2021
I like the term warrior
Rather than survivor
Because I don’t feel like
That I was ever a victim
And survivor makes it
Sound like I was weak
At one point
I’m sorry if it’s just me that thinks this way
It’s just it’s always bothered me when someone called me a survivor
It makes me feel like they pity me
They shouldn’t pity me
They should instead be inspired by what I’ve been through
And hopefully be proud that I’m still alive and (mostly) well
Honeybee Apr 2021
just because i’m broken
does not
mean i’m weak
so don’t treat me
like i’m a victim
Quite the contrary It makes me stronger
Honeybee Apr 2021
She was the colorful part of my black and white world
Honeybee Apr 2021
HAE
I feel like there’s a big dark red balloon welling up inside my chest
My blood is pumping in the wrong places
Fluids going into places where it hurts and stings like bees repeatedly stabbing me
I get sick to my stomach and throw up not even forcefully there’s just so much pressure on my organs that it feels like they’re being crushed
My throat getting tight and my tongue not being able to fit in my mouth
Pains in my rib cage that feel like they’re stabbing my lungs and it won’t stop
Being sweaty but shaking from being cold even though it’s 100 degrees outside
Feeling so tired that my vision gets blurry
It comes on so quick but too slow at the same time
It hurts so much
Yet if I complained I’d be told to **** it up and move on with my day
even though when my mom has an episode she gets help and has time to feel better
But I don’t get the same
I named it HAE because that’s the blood disorder I have it’s pretty rare so it feels like no one understands
I mean I haven’t met anyone who has it other than my mom but like I said she gets the special treatment because she has it “ worse”
This isn’t even my only deadly chronic illness
It *****
It really really *****
Honeybee Apr 2021
I’m tired of feeling like my mind is an inescapable prison
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