You express the love only dreams speak of
Precious moments you paint in my mind
I sink into your words and like the wings of a dove
I feel my heart fly as we collide

You are all I seek
And all my thoughts now want to speak
I’m sinking deep
Within your precious heart
Please don’t let us always be apart

I’ve loved you from the very start
Love will wake you up and make you think. He has lived in my heart for so long. I will never tire of his loving song
Solitude, unwanted yet here you stand before me. Like a heavy cloud you engulf me. Leaving me unable to see beyond my grief, beyond this very moment of loneliness.


I am sinking like a ship without its crew. Beaten down by those heavy waves of grief. Left choking on the sandy bed beneath.


I am lost,

Abandoned,

Left behind.


My remnants of a life once loved washed up by the tide
One of many poems written after being Widowed young
I woke with blurry eyes this morning. Those tears I wept all night had left me with poor sight.



But even as my vision comes back I feel lost, unable to see a clear path in front of me.



And I am hit with waves of grief, fear and a loathing for myself. I can not shake it. I don’t even recognise the girl in the mirror. Who is that who looks back at me? She needs help, she needs comfort, she needs her man to not of stopped breathing. To be holding her and telling her it will be alright.



But instead there is silence...a stillness that can’t be broken. The air around her feels empty, it lacks feeling and warmth. His breath no longer can be felt on her skin. His presence has gone. Yet she can not move on.



But the day must continue, it must play out. So she dons her best face and attempts to act out the role of the brave.



But to her it is just another broken day
Endless heartache
Endless thinking
How I fear the words you speak
Let the ground beneath me take me, open up beneath my feet

No...No more torment
I will fight you
I won’t let you brake my soul
With every essence of my being I’ll take back all that you stole


If I have to claw my way out
I will grasp each piece of dirt
Bring my broken body back out and breath the beauty of this earth


And as I walk along this new path
I will look with clarity
Keeping all that once was cherished as a guide to set me free
Me fighting back against my grief and not wanting the loss and pain to define me and bring me down. At one point after being Widowed I just wanted to give up
You, innocent and small.
Fragile and bewildered
I pray to *** you do not fall.



Little tubes protrude from you,
I am not allowed to touch.
Not your little face or fingers.
They will only let me watch.



Little face looking at me.
Big dark eyes look so lost
All I want to do is hold you but it would come at a cost.



So I watch and wait for hope to shine above your little life.
And I find myself just watching through the day and through the night.



Little life so full of wonder,
how scared you must now feel.
I am powerless to protect you,
it’s a nightmare that is real



Little one so full of courage,
though you haven’t had a choice.
For you do not have an option and you do not have a voice.



Just hold on in there little person.
Don’t give up I swear it’s true!
Once you’re out of this nightmare, I’m going to give the world to you
Chaos enters with its enigmatic temperament

Loud and abrasive it’s destruction **** bent!



Careful you don’t get hit by its canon fodder
It will leave a trail of debris for it can not love another



Approach with caution
Be tactful
Be alert

Chaos doesn’t care whom it will hurt



It is wild
It is careless
It won’t stop until it’s done

Leaving many lost and injured before the day is done



Chaos
So ever ready to conceive the worst in you.
It will banter, it will poke and **** and push until your through.


But like every selfish being it is gone like it begun
So be careful where your treading
Don’t let chaos over run!
Momentarily I am thinking of all the times you said to me
“We love you, we are here and you are always family”



But your actions are so different as your vacancy extends. And the weeks turn into months. Yet my pain it never ends



Have you noticed that we share a common interest so to speak

It’s a little smiling ray of light that walks beside my feet



“He’s a little gift” they tell me
“So like his daddy too”

Yet no one has the time for him
It is sad but it is true



I am told that you’re to busy when I invite you to my home
Far to tired to travel to us.
Then you put down the phone



Fifteen minutes from your house to mine isn’t far for goodness sake!

And I know you get your nails done at a house on my estate.



All your other grandkids feel your love. Every weekend you give your time

But my little ray of sunlight misses out because he’s mine.



Do not blame me for what happend. I’m not the reason for your grief

Please remember your son loved us
He still walks beside our feet
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