I can feel my heart beating
Though life is still fleeting
I'm not shaking
I'm not hiding
I'm not abiding
By my own
Depression
I'm fighting

I'm winning
I'm grinning
I feel again
Forget the pain
I feel alive
I feel love
I feel the touch
Of the wind
The moon
The earth
I feel rebirthed
Again

I have friends
I have love
I have stars gifted
From high above
I have my soul
With places to go
I am not afraid
To glow
Now I know

It's worth it to fight
It's worth it every night
It's never easy
You lose the battle
You get queasy
Months go by
Years fly away
You never have to stay
In the dark
In the dirt
Feeling every bit
Of hurt

You can try
You can fly
Even if they tell you
You'll never get by
Even if you tell yourself
Give up and cry
You're nothing
Without the lies

I know again
I am my own friend
I am alive
I will survive
I will love
I will give
I will breathe
Again
I'll never regret
Listening
To my soul
I'll never regret
Opening
And letting go
Hoping
And touching snow

Life has beauty
Life has meaning
Life is worth being
I am worth being
I am worth breathing
I am beauty
I am alive
I will thrive
I may fall down
I may lose my crown
But I'll never
Stay down
Because there's so much soul
In me
To be found

Years of screaming
Years of tears
Death
Demons
And hell
I fell
But always always
Came back
Felt it all
Used my emotions
To never again crawl

Spite helped me through
Spite helped me see
Spite was honestly
The best thing
For me

Hell came back
Hell came harder
Fire turned to lava
Mountains spewing
Oh the drama

I lost my sense of emotion
My send of me
I lost any destiny
Crippled
Alone
Torn from a future thrown
I was to die
Bitter and cold
Shaking and alone
The silence in my heart
The wounds never to part
I was alive
Yet buried six feet under
No wonder
No life
Just breathing in
Strife

Given up
No luck
No hope
No love
No stars
No God
I didn't give a ****
My heart turned black
The angels were only to attack
Angels of death
Demons of life
They filled me with hell
burned me til I couldn't
Yell

Years went by
Surely I was meant to die
Now and forever
Yet I didn't surrender
Never completely
Everyday dying
Still secretly trying
I would fight
While faces in the night
Taunt me
Telling me I'm not alright
Telling me I made my own plight
I'm crazy
Give up the fight

Never ever
Surrender your might
Never ever
Surrender your love
I can feel again
I can call my soul
A friend
In the end
My anger
My spite
Kept me through the night
Kept me giving all my might
*******
**** them all
I may fall
But I'll always stand tall
After it all
I am brave
I am strong
I belong
Life has it out for me
I will not beg or plead
For an eternity
I will win
I will grin
I will love with all my heart
I will see angels
And not death
I will see October
And nothing less
I cannot digress
Enough
How strong I was
How strong I am
Murdered
Broken
Beaten
Slammed
I was shamed
I was blamed
Stabbed through the heart
Told never to start

Here I am
Smiling again
The music is glistening
I am listening
With grace in my soul
I will always know
I'll be okay
It'll be okay
Feeling is beautiful
In every ******* way

I have forgiven
The little girl I was
The naive teenager
The wounds I caused
I have comforted
And shown love
Yet I still felt
Lost and alone
Searching for
The cause

They say find closure
They said look back to her
The little girl
So scared
I didn't understand
I wrote notes
And poems
Sang songs
ignored them
Seeing them
Seeing you
Seeing my past
Hearing you
Father may I
Father I know

You said to not live in fear
Fear is all I know
All ive ever known
I live breathe and eat
With fear beneath my feet
Now I see
I never show anger
I only show fear
Living in silence
letting them run amok
Be slow to anger
It's been long enough
No more fear
I am enough

I am strong enough
I am brave
I believe in the heaven above
And I have behaved
No more fear
No more shame
You all are to blame
And I will take names
I will tell you to *******
I will tell you all
I will find my closure
And feel no fear at all

I can hear the school parade
I can hear the football being played
The Cheers and joy
The announcer
Filling my ears
Void

It's a strange feeling
You know
To hear something fun
And feel so
Cold

Deep in my soul
It's something
I'll never know
It's haunting
It's daunting

I want to know
The sweet bliss
Perhaps the secret
Romance
I was never given
A chance
Never more than a
Simple glance
Of a life

I had pain
I had restrains
I was detained
And remained
To feel shame
Touched
And abused
Cursed
And used
Never finding
The truth
Only searching for
Hidden clues
Trapped in a tower
Forever waiting
On the hour

Waiting for what?
My life to change
Waiting for who?
Someone who could
Remain
With me
Free me from chains
Take away my Shame
Never give me an ounce
Of blame

It never came
Nobody comes
When you're crying
Alone
Nobody comes
When you want to leave
The devil's throne
Nobody
Nobody
There was
Nobody
For me
Nobody
With me
Nobody
To help
Me

Cut the poetry
To state it simply
I wanted
What I desired
So evilly
Was to be a kid
To have a childhood
To be loved
And understood
To feel safe
And never hurt
To be hugged
And loved for my worth
To never be touched
My any man
Who's simply
"Misunderstood"

I wanted
Something everyone
Deserves
I wanted a love
With all the words
I wanted to be free
From my broken
World
I wanted
To never have to
Curl and cry
And wish
To die

I wanted
To stop asking
And praying
Why?
I wanted
My parents to love me
And give me life
Instead they gave me
A knife
And led me to believe
It was life

I wanted to be comforted
And told it's okay
I wanted to be told I wasn't
To blame
I wanted a sister
Who would stand by me
I wanted not to be told
I'm just too whiny

I wanted to feel alive
And laugh and cry
Without being
Blinded
I want to rewind
And tell that little girl
It's not a ******* crime
To ask for a dime
Of love
And a gentle reaffirming hug
From someone you looked
Up To

What's the use?
I wanted the whole world
I wanted to be Cinderella
And run away from my parents
To discover the stars
To dance on Mars
To show the whole universe
And more
What it means to love
What it means to give
And cherish
Never knowing a day of
Perish
I would have been so alive
I would have never wished
To die
Never asking why
Can't I be in the sky
Away from everything
Alone and a ghost
Because being here
Is living in unrelenting
Fear

I just wanted
To simply
Never be hurt
I wanted to be a child
Who knew what it meant
To *******
Smile