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helenbreeden Feb 2020
Distance is the key.
The key to happiness.
Distancing yourself from those around you protects you.
Distance allows the mind to rebuild
To replenish,
And gives the soul hope.

Without distance
We allow the brokenness,
the creativity,
The memories,
And major feelings,
To fade away never to be seen again.

Distance opens a broken mind,
a broken heart.
It prepares time for the soul to break down and heal.
Time with distance creates a new soul,
Person,
and even friendships.
helenbreeden Sep 2018
To my unborn child,
I love you.
No one will hurt you.
I know this world is very rude and cruel,
Throughout my life i will protect you.
You are my life.

You will know me your whole living life,
You will  be a major part in my life.
Everything i do now is setting up for you.
For us,
A family.
Not like the one i grew up to,
But the one i dreamt about.

Your father,
He will love you more than anything.
Or i will be your father and mother.
Protecting you from this messed up world.
You're perfect.
I hope you never cry to yourself at night wanting to end your life.
You belong here with me.

For nine months i will have carried and taken care of you.
The moment i found out about you,
I became ecstatic and couldn’t wait to see you.
You will be beautiful,
You are my everything.
Always will be.
I love you and i will always love you,
No matter the problems we face.
This is a poem I have written in hopes one day I can reread it and feel the same one I did before I have a child. After I have a child I hope to read this to them to remind them that their mother loves them very much. (won't be for a few more years)
helenbreeden Aug 2018
As i look at myself in window of this beaten down shack,
I find bags,
Brokenness,
A broken spirit lingering from what was left from the beginning.
I have seen myself many times in this window,
but never spent time to look at who i am
Or how life has affected me.

I grew weary trying to save the little girl i once was,
I wasn’t strong anymore.
I had given up years before i could count.
And i had lost myself in feelings that were unreal.
They destroyed me.
Made me who i am today.
And oh,
How i hate myself.

I let people walk all over me,
Fall for people who do not deserve me.
Yet i tell myself they are different.
That i am safe being in their presence.
Oh how i was wrong.
He tore me down and when i had thought to have something real,
It was just as fake as my smile has been since i learned to truth about this world.

A world of unforgiveness,
Sins,
A father who hates his little girl who adored him so.
A religion based on how we treat others.
I had forgotten how it felt.
Being dragged across that open room.
The blood flowing out of me.
I will never forget that day,
I saw who the man i adored and love,
Really was.
Inside.
And there was no escape from who i would become.
helenbreeden Jun 2018
I don't understand this.
And my heart can't stand it.
You're making it so hard to.
Baby I just don't understand.
You're changing for the worst.
What do I do?
I can't save myself,
And I'm falling apart.
I'm damaged by you.

You were so sweet and divine,
but now you're conceded and confused.
I'm starting to break  a w  a   y  
I'm paralyzed by the truth.
My heart aches and I cannot breathe.
Those scars you made upon me have been reopened
And bleeding faster than ever.
All this liquor I consumed isn't making a dent in my disturbed mind.
What did I do?
Baby I just don't understand it
helenbreeden Jun 2018
I’m happy.
Line one was a lie.
I speak with desperation in my voice.
If only i knew what happiness felt like.
If only happiness had tasted my depressed lips,
Maybe then i could breathe easier at night.
Instead i sit and stare into the empty abyss around me.
I cry out for the monsters that surround me,
But even their sounds don’t affect me anymore.

Although i'm only human,
I disguise myself in my thoughts.
I barely feel anymore,
All I feel is emptiness.
And that emptiness has become the only familiar feeling surrounding me.
I say to myself that I’m okay.
I say it will get better.
But only if that was the truth.
Then maybe I'd still be here.
helenbreeden Jun 2018
She’s silent but loud,
Screaming for help.
Although no one hears her,
I do.
She’s alone but has me.
No friends but me.
Forever in her head.
Thoughts.


There isn’t a cloud in the sky but it’s raining.
She’s calling your name,
You don’t hear her.
She’s crying but not making a sound.
She’s sad, but excited.
Soon to be reunited with him.
Forever in her mind.
Him.

Weaping tears of sorrow,
Missing you is her only regret,
But yet she loved you so,
Enough to give her easily broken heart to you.
Forever in her mind.
You.
helenbreeden Jun 2018
Days passed,
Her smile faded,
Her laugh disappeared,
Eyes darkened,
She felt alone,
Like no one cared,
Useless,
Worthless,
He knew otherwise.

He never gave up on saving her.
Told her jokes,
Held her,
Let her sleep on his shoulder when she couldn’t sleep the night before,
Just listened to her.
She loved him,
But was afraid of losing him.
He was all she had.
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