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Jan 2020 · 233
Alone in Solitude
HeXDee Jan 2020
Alone again in my own space
Trying to catch my solitary face
Here I a still waiting for you
Still I'm alone and all I see is blue.

Sadness can, in times,  **** someone
Despite that, sadness is my way of fun.
It is sadness that make time fly by
But never in my sadness did I cry.

Soft gentle words I speak here,
As soft as the sound of a dropping tear.
Indeed solitude has its own way,
Yet this way is blue even till day.

I wait alone dried up of hope,
Hope that keeps rolling down on a *****.
A hope filled with spikes and rocks.
Still I'm alone in solitude caged up with locks.
Just dug out some old poems, really cringe tbh looking at it now
Apr 2019 · 14.0k
You
HeXDee Apr 2019
You
You said you were ugly, you are not.
You said you were worthless, you are not.
You said you were sad and broken, let me help you out.
You said you were feeling down and depress, I'll fix you up.

You make my emotions function continuously, you still do.
You make me loyal with no feeling of remorse, you still do.
You made me feel that there's no one else, you still do.
You left me there standing all alone, you still do.

You are the one that I will keep fighting for, that is my oath.
You are the one that I'm willing to fix, forever and ever.
You are the one that I still wish for, my only dream.
You are the one that can make me fall, my one weakness.

You keep diminishing your self worth, I still believe in you.
You keep saying you are not worth it, I'll make you think otherwise.
You finally recovered from you broken state, I'm very proud of you.
You denied me access to be part of your world, you still do....
Mar 2019 · 201
Today I'm at my wit's end
HeXDee Mar 2019
Today I'm at my wit's end, it's time to face the noose.
But then someone asked for help, an emotional bruise.
I backed off for a while. I guided them, their day went bright.
I could never leave someone in despair, unlike me who lost his fight.

Today I'm at my wit's end, mixing up my deadly poison.
But then someone asked for help, their relationship gone.
I comforted them for some time. A cliché, the classic affair.
A reminder of a bitter past, a familiar pain we share.

Today I'm at my wit's end, as I stared down from the peek.
But then someone asked for help, they felt lost and weak
I gave them a call, told them it's fine to show weakness
I dare say these words to ease them. I remain distress

Today I'm at my wit's end, this never ending cycle.
I accepted my fate, now to wait for death's sickle
But then no one asked for help. I heard back the voices.
Born to comfort but never be comforted back. I remain hopeless.
It's always the more broken ones that can give you the warmest embrace

I felt the feeling again when I tried to take my own life. Just fight the urge people there is always the recovery period.
Mar 2019 · 371
For her
HeXDee Mar 2019
I'll continue being the fool until the day you notice.
I'm a jester to be used to entertain, to mend that sadness
Once you finally see, I'll be that knight in your dreams.
Through the darkest hours. I'll make you see your light that gleams.

On the time that we have settled in I shall be your prince.
That one desire your heart deeply clings to ever since.
Until the time I settle in as your husband, the final step.
I shall still be that fool that wished true to the plans I prep.

Oh what a dream, what a wonderful reality would it be.
Now restrained by the madness that only harms me.
I writhe in the pain of this nightmare that haunts.
Only to see salvation in the one that my heart wants.
Mar 2019 · 199
Crush[ed]
HeXDee Mar 2019
Stop thinking about her anymore, it's already done.
Stop fantasizing about a happy ending, what is lost is gone.
Look at you, a broken shell once again
Don't look at her, that's where the regret began.

You've sweeten your words but to no avail
Kept your actions swerving, all set to fail.
You've missed your chance, didn't pick up the clues.
Went in a deep dive, only to have the blues.

Acquaintances to friends to you moving in but too naive
There is always a chance, was it right to believe?
You sacrificed for the cause, tried to see things in her eyes.
You changed up for her, you only filled yourself with lies.

Now you are alone trying to seek shelter in the cold
Never learned from the past, back to step one you mold
She's still in my mind, and it's driving me insane
To this day I struggle, my feelings for you remain.
Jan 2019 · 4.4k
Irog
HeXDee Jan 2019
Binabati ako ng umaga ng mga imaheng tila sayo lamang,
Hinehene ako ng gabi ng himig **** matamis lang.
Sa bawat oras sa bawat minuto ikay nasa isip ko
Marinig mo kaya ang harana ko sa kabila ng gulo?

Ikaw ang salamin sa mata kong malabo
Ikaw ang hanging sa buhay ko'y bumubuo
Ngunit sa kabila ng lahat wala ka paring kibo
Ano pa ba ang gagawin upang tayoy mabuo

Hawak ang mikropono akoy aawit
Para lang ang damdamin ko sayoy sumabit
Hawak ang gitara akoy kakanta
Iiyak ako para sa akin ikay mapunta

Ang sining ng araw ay tila yelo kung ikumpara sa yakap mo
Ang sanang pakiramdam na gusto kong matamo
Ang init at lambing ng ating pagmamahalan
Yun lang ang aking tanging kailangan

Ngunit ano itong pader sa pagitan natin?
Anong sigaw pa kaya ang aking gagawin?
Oh irog ko alam kong hindi ka manhid!
Sumigaw ka lang! ang pagmamahal koy ihahatid!

Katahimikan, katahimikan, katahimikan lamang
Segundo minuto oras, bilang, bilang bilang
Katahimikan katahimikan katahimikan nanaman
"Ako ba'y nagkamali at siyay nasaktan"

Tinawag ko ang kanyang ngalan "O irog O aking irog"
Katahimikan katahimikan sa tenga koy bumugbog
Sinigaw ko ang kanyang ngalan lalamunan ay nagdudugo
O irog O irog ko! isang saglit may bumungo.

O mahal ko bakit ngayon lang kita narinig
O mahal ko ako ngayon ay masaya at nanginginig
O irog ko maghintay ka lamang, ang pader ay sirain
Tatlo dalawa isa, tila nawala ang hangin

O irog ko kay tagal kong hinintay ang araw na ito
O mahal ko akoy nagsise sa ating hindi pagtanto
O irog ko ang matamis na yakap na hanap ko
O mahal ko ako narin ay tanging sayo
Jan 2019 · 214
Monotone
HeXDee Jan 2019
The same old gestures
The continuous mishaps
No escape forever
Jan 2018 · 137
Finding Peace
HeXDee Jan 2018
Close to the edge, my sanity
Crumbling and trembling, my prosperity.
So soothing and saving, your serenity
So cruel and so sad, this destiny.

There it goes again that deafening silence,
there it is again testing my patience.
If the situation comes not even you could save me,
This feeling let me understand, let me see.

I'm confused, saddened and angered
This feeling that makes my demons flattered.
Enclosed in a shell that is about to explode
Please defuse it, I hate this feeling so bold.
Jan 2018 · 173
Depression
HeXDee Jan 2018
Unspoken Madness
Spontaneous Occurrences
Threats that are Restless
Nov 2017 · 318
Maiden of Loyalty
HeXDee Nov 2017
Here I sit and ponder,
What lies ahead over yonder.
An event or a certain feeling.
A tragedy soon to be happening.

I see this couple so sweet so... eerie.
What awaits them I just can't wait and see.
The girl then shouts, a thundering sound follows.
The guy though not hurt. fell down to his sorrows.

What caused this sudden turn? This phenomenon?
I watched back in time to know what is going on.
The guy fell in love with the girl, their feelings so strong
All is well in the early stages, this love they waited for so long.

The fool had an affair, the maiden left clueless.
The maiden was dedicated while the fool cared less and less.
Taught he could hide it, while the maiden was depressed,
The maiden had a hunch a feeling like being oppressed.

The loyal maiden the cheating fool, coincidental juxtapose.
The girl went to buy him a gift, their anniversary I suppose.
I see this couple so sweet so eerie
The next scene was so tense, I enjoyed so deeply

A slap in the cheek, a thunderous strike!
A love turned dark, the heart skewered on a pike.
The maiden was broken, dumbfounded really.
The love she cared so much thrown away so easily.
Truth is..... no matter how faithful you are as an individual, if your other half is misguided they would only see the early days of the relationship.
Oct 2017 · 174
For What The Throne Costs
HeXDee Oct 2017
In a vast sea of sadness my heart rejoices
Thinking about someone in this plain existence
King of the sea ruler of tides
Yet my heart aches and hides
In vast ways I can shreak my heart out
Let it be known what all is this about
Waves of plenty Tides of pity
Only in this heart I cry out to thee

Thine heart sinks and swim across this sea
Not thinking of despair only to reach thee.
What is this love? Why do I feel it so
That in my mind thinking as if no tomorrow
Still a silouette I carve thine image
In this never ending pavement I carve, I damage.
Even as the ruler of sea I cry out in the air
Someone as powerful as I feeling this despair

I'd rather sell omnipotence for something else
I'd rather step down to feel the caress
I'd rather lose all to be by thy side
I'd rather perish now, for you this I can abide.
Oct 2017 · 1.5k
Sweet Jester, Never Lover
HeXDee Oct 2017
Sentimental emotions needs to be shared
Down at your little throne I glared
I danced I frowned I smiled Oh silly jester of the court..
You only see a face of a fool! oh deary, please allow me to retort.
I make the masses smile all the time my dear
Why can't you see this jester's love appear?
I juggle knives and flames for your amusement.
Oh truly I do shrug in fear and in torment.
/Hush little darling don't you frown
This little jester will be your clown
All he wants to do is to see you smile
All he wants to do is laugh for awhile
This psychopathic love that I have for you
Would only be the beginning of our story for two.
The jester smiles and the crowd goes nuts
Alas the princess is with me but the pain still cuts/
Let the jester make you the grandest ball of them all
Let your lover make you twirl round and round in this ball
Let the crowd know this love that I held in the end
A jester to a lover what a sweet sweet blend
HaHaHaHaHaHa says the jester gone mad
How could this fairy tale got so wrong and bad
The jester hacks and slashes oh he is excited
For my sweet deary all things should be dead.
I thank the world for what it gave my heart
Sadly a jester can only do much it rips him apart
He can only make people smile and more is too much.
Bodies everywhere my love pulseless, inside the jester he only laughed a bunch.

— The End —