what a waste of my time
wish you weren't in my heart and on my mind
i'm feeling so pathetic
seriously this is just like liking a celebrity
a waste of my emotion
and i won't forget it
i'm feeling like i'm trapped
in my own dungeon
that i call my mind
but i'll say i'm alright
just to try to fool myself
even for tonight
I'm feeling so ******' pathetic
An absolute mess and I won't ever forget it
****, I don't even really know you
And you don't know me
We never speak
But the thought of me maybe one day meeting you keeps me company
Though.. in reality
I know it's a waste of my time
Want you out of my head
Out of my head
Out of my thoughts
But so far I'm not really succeeding
No matter how hard I try
You always pop up somewhere
I don't wanna have feelings for you
Anymore
I don't want to have feelings in general
Anymore
Love is exhausting
Falling for someone
It is tiring
I know I can't do much about it
I try to get your attention but honestly
It's becoming not even worth it
The chances of me ever getting to get close is barely positive
But for some ******* reason I keep holding onto the feeling
Holding on to that straw of hope
While I'm sinking in an ocean
And I'm struggling to get back up
I don't know how to swim, and no one can save me
Well isn't this just my luck?
I feel so ******* pathetic
A sad excuse for a human
Wish you weren't on my mind, in my heart
And the thought of you makes me fall apart
Basically like liking a celebrity
Absolutely no point in hoping
But this straw of hope is stopping me
So I dream that one day
Maybe I'll at least be your friend
Maybe I'll at least let go
So I can survive as long as I can

i don't really know why this started
the happy go lucky girl i once was
feared almost nothing
yeah she was glowing
until the darkness came in blowing
blowing out what once was
now who i used to be
is barely inside of me
only the memories of her
remain inside
the pictures will help you remember
i can't love
i can't do anything right
i can't hide
from the demons inside
so all i do is sit
quietly and wait
until they get bored
and dissipate
though it's only temporary
you love me
at least i think
i don't know why you want me
i say i don't like anyone
but why does it make me feel sick to my stomach
thinking of you with anyone else
i've caused you pain
i've caused you tears
while we both suffer through our fears
i don't deserve you
but why can't i afford to lose you?
whatever good was left in me
that year
i fear he took it all with him
now all that's left is anger within
self-hatred and fear for letting anyone in
but i think i do love you
you hate him for what he's done to me
so i'm sorry about the demons inside
that simply won't let me be
i've caused you pain
i've caused you tears
while we both suffer through our fears
i don't deserve you
but i really can't afford to lose you
i can't do anything right
i don't really wanna die
but i want this bad feeling to go away inside
i'm scared of myself at times
but you hate the fear in my eyes
i don't know why
why, do you want to make me alright?

i dont know whats wrong with me
the thought of you with someone else
makes my stomach turn
makes me want to cry
but i say i don't love you
i don't want to date you
i don't want to date anyone
so why do i want you to only
look at me that way

i dont know
whats wrong with me
why do i wish to express that im kinda sad
but dont want you to question it
why dont i want you to worry?

Remember that little girl?
So happy-go-lucky
Would do a little twirl
In her fluffy pink princess dress
Never had a reason to get upset
Well I'm sorry to say that she's long gone
Ran away
Now the girl that took her place loves dusk and dawn
That little girl is dead
Are you proud of what I am?
Are you proud of what I've become?
The little girl who acted like the morning sun
Look at the monster she is
Let her voice raise cause she can't keep it inside any longer
The little girl you once knew is no longer

Used to help her parents with everything
A hug and a kiss
An "I love you"
She never felt anything but happiness
So darling what happened that year?
What made the reality of the world become oh so clear?
I'm sure everyone remembers her
So clearly
Look at what she's become
This monster has become an eclipse
Blocking that morning sun

Look at the world they've created
Now I think they seem to hate it
As she'll march along
Trying to still be strong
She'll wear her big brave face
But inside that little girl is asphyxiated
What happened?
Do you miss her already?

Naive little girl
Saw nothing wrong with the world
Grew up to be
The one who's writing this poetry

Remember that little girl?
So happy-go-lucky
Would do a little twirl
In her fluffy pink princess dress
Never had a reason to get upset
Well I'm sorry to say that she's long gone
Ran away
Now the girl that took her place loves dusk and dawn
That little girl is dead
Are you proud of what I am?
Are you proud of what I've become?
The little girl who acted like the morning sun
Buried deep within the deepest parts of me
But I haven't forgotten her, please just trust me
I won't let you down
Are you proud of who I am?
Are you proud what I can do?
I'm sorry about the little girl they all once knew

I've come to discover
That maybe it's better if I'm alone
I'll hate it
It'll just be a copy and paste
Some day my smile will be like the sun beaming from my face
Then I'll go back to wallowing in my own self-deprecation
You won't be able to keep up the pace
I'll push you away
You can try and stay but there's no guarantee
You'll probably up and flee
For your own safety
Which I understand
So I'll stay in my own little world
Up in my ****** up head
I'll lay in bed
And think of what could've been
As I feel my past sin
Corrupting my soul
Losing my happiness temporarily
As a whole

I'm not saying I hate you,
I'm just saying that if I could watch you die under my heel and face no consequences
If I could watch you beg me for mercy
While I read aloud everything you said to me
I would, darling.. ♥

Can someone please tell me
What's wrong with me?
I pull someone close then shove them away
But don't let them drown
Holding onto their hand but standing so far away
Begging them not to go
While also wanting my space
I'm scared of loving
And letting others in
I wanna trust him
So why can I not
Let my past sins go?

I want them to notice
I'm not okay
So that I get a shoulder to cry on
If they even care
But naturally
I always pretend I'm okay
And suffer on my own.

Why can I never be good enough?
Why can I never be strong enough?
Why can I never look in the mirror,
Think a little clearer
And see beauty in me?

When she was 7
She believed in a heaven
She believed in a God
When she was 8
She was oh so great
Her destiny was a date
When she was 9
Oh she flew so high
Mother so proud
Thought she would never fall down
When she was 10
She started to lose some things
Tantrums over and over again
Light starting to dull every night
When she was 11
She wanted to go to heaven
There was no light left in her eyes
All she wanted to do was say goodbye
A scream and a cry
A shout but her words were as quiet as a mouse
Lie to the doctors
To get out quickly
Despite her mind being so sickly
As she got older
The boulder on her shoulders
Became a little less heavy
She could bare more
Sometimes she'd still cry
But she'd find a way to make herself alright
Though sometimes it's a little difficult
She's 16
And her mind still isn't clean
But will it ever be?
She went through her own little hell
But the bright bell rang
Her strength sang
Though her heart is scarred up
Trust isn't quite there
She'll make it
Through the mean words that little demon puts inside her mind
Prove them all wrong
Cause mama didn't raise someone who would give up
Mama raised a girl who will always find a way
To keep her head up

I will breathe
I will run
You guys go
Have your fun
I'll stay here
In my own self-pity
Until maybe something could fix me
My mind
Is a hurricane
My soul
It'll never leave
My heart
So many stitches
So many wounds
But it still will beat
I'm stronger than I know
Though I don't really believe it
I've made it this far
Sometimes I don't really know if I could take it
But I go
I go on
Until maybe I find someone
I am strong
And I know it
Maybe my depression will leave me
If I post it

I know
I accepted a long time ago
That I'm not good enough
But I'm working on it
For myself
So just wait and watch
As this unlit match
Burns an entire forest
With one stroke across the emery
Let them all wonder
How to put out the flame
That would tear down anyone
Who stood in the way
Of her self victory

Life can be beautiful
Fills you with joy
Make you think there is good in the world
Life can be ugly
Fill you with hatred and sadness
Makes you think there's no hope left in this world
But in the end, we all have that one thing
That gives us a reason to get out of bed
Perhaps it's their smile
That makes you want to stay
For just a while

make this invisible emotional suffering end
maybe then
i'll feel good enough

I wish the man of the dreams
The man in my mind
The only one I can call mine
But doesn't even exist
Did for once
Maybe then
I could live happily
Forever in bliss

We'll find each other soon, right..?
One day..
We'll look into each others eyes
Hear each others voices
And not feel so lonely anymore
Take my heart
Unknown Lover

Look at me go
Look at me shine
I'll leave you in the back line
Just like you did to me
I'll walk away with a smile
So bright it'll be hard for you to see
I don't deserve you
I deserve better
Give me a little credit
For putting up with you for too **** long
They should've bet on it
That you would leave
Now look at me
Look at who I am now
Do your eyes deceive?
I'm so much better off without you

I have much better things to be doing
Than to worry about someone who forgot about me

I'll try to withstand the storm inside my mind,
But sometimes it gets really scary
And no longer kind
But I carry on
With friends and loved ones next to me
Sometimes it gets a little dull
The happy flame starts to burn out
Sometimes I just need to use that smile
To re-light it
One day I'll find a permanent brighter light
At the end of the dark tunnel
I call my mind

I think she's over you
Whether or not it leaves you black and blue
She's returning the favor
She's just doing the same to you
So listen here's what she'll do
She'll listen to you talk
As she crosses her heart
Never to be with you again
You left her hanging there
Her hands cold and bare
Stomach all in knots
She stared as you walked away
With another lovers hand in yours
As the rain poured
Now you're back for more
There won't be anymore tears for her to pour
Over you
I guess you can understand
When her heart is empty
There used to be plenty of love in there
You left her watching
You and someone else
Hand in hand
I think she's over you
What else is she supposed to do?
She won't be crawling back
Anymore
Like she used to do
This is what you made her do
Heartless yet kind
This will forever
Stain her mind
She'll never trust as easily as she once did again
She's left looking back on where it began
And where it all was to end
I think she's mostly over you
Still may cry some tears
But what else is she supposed to do?
You gave her so much to remember
This isn't over
She won
I won
Now just press send.

I b̵̛̺̜̬̖̝͓͘l̸͎̺̯͇̰̈͛̈́͝a̶̞͉̖͊̉m̸̺̰̕̕ẹ̶̡̬̈́͠ͅ you
For tur̸̢̺͕̣̳͕͐͐̓̋̒̒n̵̡̻̳̬̤̄̐̐͋͒̍í̸͚̦̼͜ň̶̠͚͖̲͓̠̊͊̀g̷̠̑ ̶̤̪̙̪͉͗̅͊m̶͔̖̓̄̌́̃̓ę̸̨̩̘͎́͗̚ ̷̪̉̑́ͅi̸̹͖̮̰̐n̸̰̿̉̽ț̷̛͙ơ̴͕͉̟̦̭̂͗͠ ̷̨̬͖͖͍̄t̶͎̠͚̺̻͂͌̕͠ĥ̶̳͕̼͚̖̕i̶̫̿̀͋͝ş̵̭͙̜̓̃̏̓͗́
Cause that happy cheerful girl you knew before,
You killed when you forcefully locked down the door
To the future home she thought she'd share with you
You kept stirring the b̴̝͐̒͊̓r̶͕͉̜̙̆̍̈́́͒͜͝e̷͕̪̼̫͕͇͒̂̅̑̅̚ẅ̷͈̯́
Until the *** o̸̡̝̪̜͔̤͂̎̕͝͝v̷̜̭̀̊͗̾ȩ̶̪̙̻͍̱̒̓̐ŕ̸̡͖̞̐̇͝f̵̮͕̘͙̠̎͗̿ĺ̵̡͖͈͙͔̯̅ö̸́̿­̦̞̖̹͚͎w̸̞̐̀̕ͅĕ̸͚d̴̢̳͚͍̞̀̒̈́̑͋
Because while you're still young,
She's aged enough to be able to tell
***** and sweethearts apart
She's gained the knowledge of someone older
So while you're out there in your self-loathing
She'll be out here
G̷̺̩̱͂́l̷͉͇̳̒͒͜o̸͈̻͙͎͐̉w̶̤̗̅̈́̚ḯ̷̡̛̥͇̬͂̈́͘n̵̢͚͉̿̆͌̕̕g̸̢͕̺̪̤̈̀
But­ don't let that fool you
She's not t̴͉̰̤͉̀́̿͝h̴̲̎̈̑́̚e̴̲̲͙̓̑̊̓̓̕ͅ ̵͉͍̑͊͆͠s̸͍̲̗̊̂̽͜͠ḁ̵̡͇͖̰̾̈́m̵͓͇̖̮͚̠̄͆͊̐e̷̦͐́ ̵̳͎̘̅̔͑g̶̗̞͑͛̊ï̷̥͇͑̇͋r̵͕͕̈́͛̔̾̈̕ļ̶̳̳̟̜͔̉̇
as she was once before
s̸͕͋̒̀ḧ̸͇́̇̽͠ę̸̺͉̀͗̀͠'̴̞̫̟̋̎̉s̸̘̾͂ ̸̩͈̬̦̚g̶̨̛̮̺̅ô̴͇t̷̫̔́̕͜ ̸͔͋ā̷̤̑̓ ̸̖̈ḃ̴̳̳͖͑̑̏ĭ̶̛̯͍̭̍ͅt̶͕͖̠͠͝ ̶̹̪̃͆͐̚ȍ̴͙̖̈́̍͠f̵̺̖͎͛̇ ̸͖̟́͝a̸̟͔͕̤͗̅́͘ ̶̧̘̯͔̒̀ẗ̸̢̳̹́͠ḩ̴̻͉̗͊͒͊i̸͉̾c̴̙̻̔̔͜k̷͓̄͌̔è̸̥̟̓͆͜r̴̙̉ ̴̞͉͆́͐ş̶͙̘̻͂͐ķ̴̠̥̎̕ͅi̶̛̜͐͘n̸̗͚̠̬̑͒̕͝ ̴̲̀͑̂͛n̵̬͒o̷͕̜͊̈́̈̅ẃ̷̢͈͍̭
Ţ̶̭̿̈́h̴̭̗̣̒̽̄ḁ̴̡̤̥͌́ṋ̴̘̩́k̴̘͑̚s̷̰͑͛̌­̘ ̷̢̹́̿f̵̬̰̎̓̇͆ô̴̯̮̇̒̊r̵̻̲̲̈́ ̵̫̀̒̽ṁ̶̞̝̑͘a̷͖͒k̷̨̨̯̾͋͛ì̸̼̖n̶̮̈́̔͐̅g̶̰̽ ̴͈͇̯͠m̶̘̽̈́̈́̕é̵̼͠ ̶̢̼̱̅͊̈s̶̨̅ţ̶͍̅͒́͝ṟ̷̈́̊̚o̷͎͛͂́̆n̶͕̪̞͑͗̌̕͜ḡ̷͇͒̚