My dearest demon. It's been awhile since I wrote,
And yet you dwell in my mind.
I wear my darkness like a heavy coat,
Beneath which, only you I find.
You stick to my skin, indelible like ink,
My vice, a death grip, some unbreakable link.

I'll admit, you make me weak,
Liable to make mistakes;
Bit by bit, my heart will leak,
Drop by drop, it will form lakes:
Vast expanses of free blue,
Unhindered by reality -
Filled with bright shades of you,
And my dark duality.
.
And in the distance: mountain peaks
- Beacons of a lying hope -
That a desperate poet seeks,
In the night, so one can cope.

And so you're here, a living ghost,
Despite the distance and time passed,
Still a wish that I miss most,
Trapped in the shadow that you cast.

Who am I kidding, calling you a crush?
When clearly you are so much more.
Oh, these confessions, whispered in a hush,
For nobody's ears, still raw and sore.

My wounds are fresh, I keep them from healing,
Cutting the flesh, to cut out the feeling.

It's futile, you're still here, in my every breath,
I obsess, I confess, it smothers me to death.
I hesitate, desperate, I tell myself to stop it,
But stubborn heart won't let go, not even for a bit.
Like gasoline, dangerous, wild once it's lit,
These shackles bind me, drag me down, to the bottom of the pit.
This infernal storm, this hurricane,
Consumes me from inside -
this hollow everlasting pain,
This ache I have to hide.

Fear not, my love, this tidal wave
Will only damage me,
To this affliction I'm a slave,
It'll drag me into the sea.
No one will hear as I implode,
Consumed by my own soul,
The self-destruct has no code
To prevent ashes and coal.

I won't die on the outside, but this much I know:
This hollow husk carries a torch with an eternal glow.

Like a chemical burn, poison on my skin,
The truth slices and stabs from within.
You're out of my reach, distant as the stars,
As if separated by hard iron bars.

An aeroplane flying overhead, to a far-off land,
A ship in the distance, as I lie on the sand:
Yearning for mirages that I'll never catch,
A lost left shoe, without its proper match.

I am a fool - I'll say it yet again,
And write it, indelible, with a stroke of pen.
Sanely insane, aware of my flaws,
Yet Cupid won't let me out of his claws;
He is no angel, but a demon instead,
His cruel jokes strike me like a weight of lead.

I am an anglerfish, and you a coral reef -
I dwell in darkness, while you could blind the sun.
I wish I could turn over a new leaf,
But I'm stuck, like a jammed safety on a gun.

You've made it clear,
I see it now:
There never was a chance;
And yet, my dear,
My heart will bow
To you, as if in a trance.

Curse you, curse me, curse this Universe and Fate,
**** these feelings and this hunger I can't sate.

You are my doom, a Laura reincarnate,

and I Petrarch, bound to you by fate.

I'd pray for salvation, but whom to implore?

You? Or a deity I believe in no more?

.

You lurk, uninvited, in the corners of my mind,

the edges of consciousness, never hard to find.

Invading my thoughts – it's not very kind,

it is a death sentence, that I myself have signed;

Because I made no attempt to dispel such a thought,

visions of you, my heart blindly sought.

.

You are my drug, and recovery I shun,

I've tried rehab, but addiction has won.

You wouldn't ask Earth to give up the Sun,

or a bullet to fly without a gun.

So, trying to quit – with that I am done,

After countless failed attempts to run.

.

You are my sorrow, but these lines ease the pain,

as burns and bruises hurt less in the rain.

I turn my heartache into verse, and time slows,

as bittersweet loneliness into words flows.

I drain myself of the pain, I keep it at bay,

however, it never completely goes away.

.

In these poems, it is you I address,

but I wouldn't ever let you see this mess;

I write so this torture would hurt a little less,

as, repeatedly and fruitlessly, my love I confess.

So, these lines will never ever go to press,

as you won't hear my lips whisper: "S".

You're just a symptom of my mental state,

that I've romanticized into love and fate.

Escapism has always been my trait,

avoiding reality until it's too late.


Forgive me, darling, I used you as a distraction,

built glass castles off of mere attraction.

I got attached, written you poems,

to avoid facing my own problems.

But obsessions are dangerous, and I wish you well,

I won't drag you with me into this hell.


So goodbye, dear - a farewell to pining;

in this last poem, there's one silver lining:

I'm just glad I never did tell;

and now I'll rise up from where I fell.

And so, you slip through my fingers, a chance I never took,

I want to convey it all in one final look.

You're going away, for who knows how long;

I smile, wish you well, and try to be strong.

Perhaps in another life, it will be our time,

Perhaps I'll be yours, and you will be mine.

I never had the courage – I still have none –

To tell you, even now, when it's all said and done.

I didn't think you'd be leaving so soon;

You left my sky empty: no stars, and no moon.


You're moving on, to bigger and better things;

The world is your oyster, wind beneath your wings.

Care to share a hint, of what victories await?

What is your plan, for this clean slate?

"When the Universe reveals it to me, I'll let you know",

Mysterious as always, even as you go.

And though it's not forever – you'll drop by here and there –

It feels like a death sentence, it just isn't fair.

Because although you don't, I still care:

I want to see you, no matter how rare.

It is pathetic – I am well aware,

You'd think my heart would be the worse for wear.

I still carry a torch for you – I don't think I'll cease,

This heartworm will never let me have peace.

So goodbye, my love, my Adonis in a tracksuit,

My silent suffering, the melody which leaves me mute.

Do you feel as lonely as I often feel?

Are you also misunderstood?

Perhaps we could help each other heal,

Would you try? I know I would.

A kingdom for your thoughts –

I only wish I knew

how to connect the dots –

What's making you blue?

You say you can't sleep,

but you won't say why,

your secrets you keep,

I try not to pry.
.

Beneath an icy surface,

a hidden magma river;

an unseen furnace,

as silent as ever.

You let no one in,

an armour with a smile,

but can you truly win,

isolated on your isle?
.

Let me share your troubles,

prove to you my worth,

rebuild castles from rubbles,

gold and silver from the earth.

.