there are people i thought i was close to,
friends family etc.
Now they act as if I don’t exist,
as if all my memories were a hallucination.
I write them letters with no response
I hesitate to reconnect
because speaking to the seemingly dead,
destroys my peace
i’ve placed myself in three shapes...
encased in a body of mud...
wiggling through cracks to see what was...
semi escaping chaos to find another...
...halted in time
your stilts in your flex lights are my stilts in the next life...
act right before you hit night
what is solitude?
a cocoon of iridescent
paintings of oil on bulletproof walls
mama’s warm embrace in fetal form
a prison of darkness
where no one knows your face
where reflections are only imagined
where hands are far from reach
and reality is...
a place where beauty is created
creation is sentence
and sentence is desolation
this feeling is a place of escape
absence in stagnant emotion
a feeling of regret in cloudy white
fog on a warm spring Monday morning
in a spiritual space of fog but peace
it has become cold
but not for all
only for your reflection
a bulletproof window
wasted time on marble floor
sand trapped in a room
seeping out a window to reveal sunlight
a beach of perfection but pollution
sharks all around me
as i watch from the bars
yet a beautiful clear ocean
thriving life and vivid colors
i hear the hum of distant whales
but my lungs overflow with water
conditioner in my curls
in need of a thorough rinse
and i in need of the ocean
I'm moving on from old toxic infatuations and peaceful alone. But, I've met someone that I really like but old conditioning and comfort causes hesitance
touch me as brick turns into paper
a familiarity i once knew
a past life in present form
i sit in full awareness of your bare flesh
you reside transparent in most forms
my hand extended in subtle care
your heart belongs to memories
my memories resurface as fear takes a hold
of being used and alone
of you not seeing me
of me dying alone
in fear that my last love is my last love
so as you fill my brain and it forms a puzzle
speak to me before insanity fills my neck with thorns
before paper becomes brick
I recently went o date with someone and they felt for some reason familiar to me. They reminded me of my first/last love who passed away. Yet, now at this point I’m not sure how this person feels. I know they have a struggle with their past love, but i’m so confused and lost. I’m not sure if they are even slightly interested in me. I just want clarification if I should just close myself back off from potential love or what. My mind is in shambles.