i don't know who i am.
there are two people inside of me,
they don't even fight anymore...
they live in harmony now.

there is the me of the day...
timid. shy. careful.
always sure to do the right thing.
always sure to be the right person.
to say the right things.
to ignore the wrong people.
the good person.

and then there is the me of the night.
she appears the moment the sun sets....
bold. ambitious. dangerous.
she's a different person, this night self of mine.
she doesn't give a flying **** about anyone.
she's quite the selfish ***** to be honest.
she needs. she craves. she gets what she wants.
she ***** the guy that makes her feel like the sun,
                                                    even though he is someone else's.
she kisses the ******* who made her pay
          seventeen ******* dollars for parking in the morning
                                                         ­              until his lips bleed.
she breaks the sweetheart who wanted to show her
                                                      that not all men are quite so evil.
and she still isn't done.
she gets greedy. and her soul turns black.
and she takes the beautiful man in front of her and she ruins him.
the vulnerable one, the one with the feelings and cares
                       the one who wants to make love to her to  purple rain
she will eat him alive. she will make love to him. she will **** him.
she will make him feel whole.
and then she will leave him,
                        because she is not capable of accepting love
and then maybe she is done for the night.
and she says goodbye, until tomorrow and lays her head down.
and she falls asleep.

the next day the careful me awakes.
looks back and says what the **** have i done?

there is a monster inside of me. capable of terrible things....
                                    *i cannot control her.

Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **