It’s cold. It’s always cold. It’s not that simple cold that you feel on a winter’s day or the shiver when you drink a cold drink. It’s something hollow and empty. Like something's missing and it aches. It’s a soul deep cold and tiredness that you just can’t shake. Some of the time it’s just a small twinge, but some of the time it’s all consuming. It’s painful even. You feel like there’s a hole in your chest and you don’t know why. It isn’t like heartbreak, where the wound would eventually heal. There is nothing to heal from. It’s irrational, contradicting, and all the time you just feel this terrible terrible void that ***** in everything and anything, leaving you a shell of your former self.
People only check your smiles, never your eyes, so it’s easy to deceive them. It’s easy to paint a smile on your face and laugh like nothing’s wrong. You’re too afraid to ask for help because you know they would always just laugh at your face and said, “It’s your choice to stay sad, just cheer up!”, and you just laugh and shake your head like nothing’s wrong because they don’t understand and there’s nothing you can do. Say “I’m okay” to those who ask when in truth your screaming in your head for them to notice that somethings wrong because your at the end of your rope and god it hurts, and say “No, your not.” But it never happens, because they always try to avoid the painful truth, and then your left alone again, to fall, and fall, and fall.