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It's the best job I've ever had,
But it isn't always so great.
Some days just ******* ****,
Some days I don't want to get up.
Some days I want to call in, stay home
And deal with my depressive episode.
My time is precious, and every minute I spend I'll never get back.
Gavin Barnard Aug 2021
I never learned how to climb a mountain,
But I am great at hiding in the mud.
I wish I could hurry and decompose,
Maybe then I'd give something worth giving.
I appreciate the offer to get me a counselor, but I'm not catholic and I don't think it would be enough.
Gavin Barnard Aug 2021
All I wish for is a permanent disability
Like sawing off my feet
Or faking a schizophrenia diagnosis
So I never have to step foot into a factory again.

All I wish for is to do something meaningful
And not have to suffer because of it.
All I wish for is to not be overcome by anxiety
And quit my jobs in a lucid stupor.

All I wish for is control over my life
Without a square abusing my time.
All I wish for is to be happy
Without being a dissapointment.

All I wish for is to make a living
Doing something that matters.
All I wish for is to make a living
Without drowning in misery.
Gavin Barnard Aug 2021
I don't want to waste my time
Flipping burgers for the ungrateful
Or watching a clock in a cubicle.
My gift is precious,
And its not yours to command.
  Jul 2021 Gavin Barnard
Kendra Gatz
Hello I’m suicidal
And have been for a while
Sincerely, your favorite problem child

All these names in my phone
But I’ve never felt so alone
For this house ain't a home
Wish I could simply disappear
I don’t want to be here
But I’m too afraid to die
Too numb to cry
If I meet God I’ll ask him why
This turmoil plagues me from deep inside

My eyelids swollen
Happiness stolen
They ask me what’s the matter
Well my greatest fantasy is jumping off a tower
Landing on the pavement and my brain going splatter
Happiness, never really had her
For darkness always looming
It’s got a hold on me, always consuming

Please I need some help
Frankly, I don’t know how to be myself
Life’s taking its toll
If I stay here it’ll be the death of my soul
Every day a lesson
But might drop out soon, too pained by my depression

Talk **** get hit
You spit bullets and I’m ******* sick of it
Jimmy, what did you bring for show and tell
A gun and a speeding bullet to send me right to hell

I’m dead inside
My soul another victim of homicide
Life’s a game of battleship
Guess an insecurity, yup that’s a hit

So void of love
Starvation of affection
of touch
You could see my ribs
Am I pretty yet?
Am I pretty?
Cause I’m feeling pretty ******

Won’t catch me weeping willow
Saving these tear stains for my pillow
Close the door and  jump out the window
And if my eyes could turn you to stone
Maybe you could finally leave me the **** alone

You can try and numb the pain
But it’ll never go away
You’ll wake up in the morning and still feel the same
Cause the weight builds up
And the tanks fill up
It’s no longer just pebbles and puddles

Oh you're in trouble
A gas mask ain’t have no use when you’re drowning
But maybe it’ll block out the chlorine
Brain is constantly pounding
So many thoughts it’s astounding
I just want q u i e t
Will you help me find it?
Gavin Barnard Jul 2021
When I close my eyes I see...

I see orbs that are unlike
Yet reminds me off spider eggs.
I see impending, unavoidable doom.
I see nothing worth mentioning.
Gavin Barnard Jul 2021
I'm locked away in my dreams.
I seem to have lost the key.
What you see is nothing more
Than a simple facade.
Don't worry I hired a locksmith
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