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I'm the only thing that matters now,
And I'm a disappointment to myself.
I've spent five years looking for excuses
Rather than opportunity or solutions.
Now I'm paying the price and falling behind.
I'm a special person in a normal world and all I want is someone to help. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses and I have no idea where to take them.
If only we were judged by spirit
Rather than appearance;
If only we listened and saw
And stopped for a moment of thought.
If only I could get a job without the burnout. I could take a day and think about my future and still have no direction at the end of it.
Gavin Barnard Jun 13
Something is trying to take me out of reality,
Or rather, wake me from a dream.
Everything feels like a smear.

red pill pls
Gavin Barnard Apr 22
Suicide.
Another gravestone at my cemetery of dreams.
Lives on in my memories.
Intrusive thoughts won't leave me be.
Just realized I have a job and my fifth day is tomorrow. Why's everything so surreal?
Gavin Barnard Mar 27
It's like I'm completely immersed in a dream.

Half asleep and incredibly dizzy.

Toy tanks from a game years old

Moving fast at a snail's pace.

I hear unfamiliar voices

That I don't understand.

Maybe a morning talk show.

I feel sunlight from the window.

My skull is filled with led.

I smell breakfast.

Maybe scrambled bacon and eggs.

Where is my heartbeat?

I don't want to open my eyes.

I don't remember where I am.

Jolt up like Frankenstein.

These body parts aren't mine.

I see my room tilting.

My head is throbbing.

I want to go back to dreaming.
No, I'm not on anything. You tell me what's wrong with me. Maybe the therapist in my head knows.
Gavin Barnard Feb 27
Pocket psychiatrist,
Unlicensed professional.
All illnesses, short tests.
Nonsense questions,
Gullible answers.
High score, be proud,
Share it on Facebook.
maybe those psychotic episodes a year back were a sign lol
Gavin Barnard Nov 2020
Wandering without purpose,
Crumbling from within,
Recurring nightmare,
Ancients rise again.
Never been one for rhymes, my poems last as long as my attention span and are as stale as reddit.
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