.
Links in the chemist chain
laced in a double helix
defy the laws of the universe,
and the atavistic resurgence
creates isotopes of dream passion.
     Elements conspire in panic
     with a symmetry of casual chaos
     that mimics an atomic bomb,
     destroying its own creator
     in a cruel parody of birth paradox.
          Arresting the Iris of Dissolution
          with cuffed anxiety drowning
          in a pond of helium ore,
          carelessly drifting on acid flesh,
          coagulating in a soup of memory.

And the paradigm shifts again,
reality unfocussed clears, strains,
revealing your shuddering form,
next to me, keeping me warm.
Lids flicker and you open your eyes,
shining, smiling in cute surprise.
Moving my finger up to my lips
whilst I gently untangle our hips.

     Do you remember this night?
     Last night, tonight, tomorrow night?
     Time begins to slowly rewind,
     on the night you blew my mind.

My essence is filled with your heart,
a love I have yet to discover.
Whilst you wander between the stars,
my universe starts to recover.

So please don't break this silence now.
Please don't shatter this moment long,
I want this post ****** memory to remain
in the morning when you have gone.

© Pagan Paul (04/11/17)

Drunk again, on my own again,
without a friend in sight.
I learned to read just to pass the time,
St. Teresa she tells me:
"Be gentle to all and stem with yourself,"
and you will find the light.
But some of us see only in dark,
and we come alive at night.

Been trying to breathe, been trying to see
what William James told me:
"You can alter your life, if you alter your mind,"
my kaleidoscopic eyes-
and act as if you can make a difference
and "be not afraid of life."
But I've been running scared, darling all of the time,
life chews me up and it spits me out.

I'm tired of words, to see me through,
oh, I need someone tonight,
someone tonight.

Like Carl Rogers says, you gotta hang tough,
"I'm not perfect but I'm enough."
"What is personal, it is universal,"
if you just open up.
But if I should die, it would take a while
until someone beats the drum.
I flew so many miles and still,
and still, my sadness has won.

How I tire of you and the looks you give me in the mirror
How I tire of bleary eyed sunny days  
(Like I can't see) sun thru smoke fog

Alone I wake, semi truck barreling down my street towards highway
Gray skies do nothing to muffle the noise in the street do nothing
About the metallic pulse in my head groaning dread like a 56k modem

My dowry for this disease of madness - my middle class inheritance
Her white wedding dress and my silymarin milk thistle distress
Equal  distance between us like 'we hardly knew ye'
But You, You were to be my wife

Where did you go, who is this woman
Eggshell grown gown olive skinned melanin beauty
How I tire of pretending to like the new you
Like the old me, he that used to be before
It got to me  - before the bottle bought and sold me
Tarnished ink blot
Instead of the other way around

Stopped the car, narrow country dirt road red
Backing up now rapidly as can go, in reverse, still too slow still
feels like too little too late, slow out of the gate as always (idiot)
No great escape from falling to saving grace
No night and day, just greater shades of gray

Damage done, iron wrought, frostbitten fingers failing me  
'Fate crusades against me'  
Yell paranoid eyeing empty white dusted bottle
Sleep paralysis nightmares of bedroom closing in prison cell
Loom over like human beast double lobectomy
Reptilian brain no higher function
Choke down tears of pure amygdala flight fear

See crimson red sky sunset
Over city I hate
Makes me want to cry
Sends electric at shocks up my spine
Could be all the ******* sickness
Coursing through my broken down veins

Bursting at the seams
Bending at the knees
Weak little boy say
This isn't what it seems

She says you don't look crooked
I laugh coarsely replying
Not everyone does
As I pass her the plate
And J puts torch to pipe
Rocking to and fro as puddle forms

find yourself again
at the bottom of a bottle
looking up

Saturday night passing out on floor
Sleeping on the dog
She's my brood mother
Crumpled cans
Crumble

Cut a swath thru
Tinder *******
Drunk on the floor
With the dog