Don't know why I am this way
it's no surprise i have no friends.

I suffer from social anxiety.
It keeps me away from the world.
and I don't know if I can just be
another lonely girl.

I know you think I'm really really weird.
Hands sweaty the fear is too real..
I feel so weak but I'm still holding on.
Don'ts wanna speak I'll just say something wrong.

But what the hell that's just who I am.
An epic fail the everyone is better than.

But I can't explain it
in a way that you could relate.

but you wouldn't understand it anyway...

i don't want to die.

i simply want to stop existing.

I used to bring prescription pills
to parents day
because I didn't think anyone
could tell the difference

What'd you call Christmas
without heat
in a house without power?
2007

My father swore that he'd
teach me how to ride a bike but
instead he introduced me
to his new baby girl
And every time we drive
past the hospital
my mother remindes me how much it cost to save my life
that one year
She doesn't have
to say that she wished I'd left
instead of him
She spent twenty one years
tucking my brother into bed
but it took her nine just to touch me

And when I finally had the courage
to tell my mother I was too afraid
to eat - she told me it's a blessing
That she spent most of her twenties
regurgitating flesh into paper bags
and that's how she got daddy
to stay

I haven't seen him in close to three years
but he calls sometimes
and we talk about the weather
I still remember the day he said goodbye
He said he'd come back
and we'd clean up that old bike from the shed
*I still walk home